Hey, it's Thursday! That means it's new video day, even though there have been a friggin' plethora of video-less thursdays lately. I know. We've been falling behind. I know. But fuck, man, we got a new video today, and this one's such a goddamn assault on your senses that your fuckin' eyes might burst. And then, after they've burst, blood, puss and cum may very well flow outward from your recently-ravaged ocular cavities! It's gonna be fuckin' nasty!

Seriously. Wear goggles.

What up, fuckaz? Apparently, our arrogance awesomeness knows no bounds, and you get to reap the motherfuckin' benefits of it! As we mentioned on Tuesday, that new porno movie that we made was just too god damned righteous to be contained within the boundaries of one paltry video review. We tried and tried, but it just wouldn't fit. BUCKTON and Aaralyn were just having too much fun. So, today, it's time to feast on act II of the POPPORN review!

As you're well aware, we make it our mission to seek out the latest and greatest porno that the adult film industry has to offer so that we may view it, review it and give you the straight dope on whether or not it's any good. Sometimes we come across a goldmine of sexual genius. Sometimes it's a sucktastic whopper of shittiness. And sometimes....perhaps only once in a lifetime...we come across a life-changing pornographic experience like the movie that's we're reviewing today.

In the interest of full disclosure, let us say that we are in no way affiliated with the directors, stars, producers or crew of this movie. We just found this DVD on Bangs' desk and it ended up being awesome.

So, um, it appears to be...ahem..."sexy time". Or at least that's what Horat would have you believe. Who's Horat, you ask? Well, he's sort of like that Borat dude who rocked box offices to the core a little while ago, only he gets laid a whole lot more. And he's played by Tommy Pistol (who has no affiliation with Tommy Gunn, in case anyone suggests that).

Anyway, this movie's funny as fuck. Or at least that what we can glean from Aaralyn's take on the movie.

Listen. That Brady Bunch show was a pile of shit. You know it and we know it. It's fucking unwatchable. Same deal with the Shelley Long remake. It's unfunny and lame, even for the shit standards of its heyday. Lucky for us all, Hustler and X-Play grooved the idea into their brains to update this crapfest with something worth watching. Namely, red-hot fuckin'. It was a brilliant idea, and it served them real fuckin' well over the past year. So well, in fact, that they thought it was worth sequel-izing with the new Not the Bradys XXX: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Good fucking god. You're not gonna believe the mouth on this woman.

Aaralyn Barra, the most vulgar human being to ever be associated with POPPORN.com (and that's saying something) is back, and she's got a ton of awful shit to say. Aaralyn and Spock are reviewing Jay Sin's Anal Acrobats 2, one of the filthiest and gaping-est joints we've ever viewed, and while it may feature the most graphic anal-debauchery we've ever seen (or even imagined), the review is even worse.

First of all, this one is NOT related to our all-star weekend. But it is the POPPORN debut of Aaralyn Barra, a pretty well-known pornographer in her own right, so who better to guide you through what may be the most vile film we've ever seen than her awesome smutmakin' ass? While we've seen some shit done to shitters in our lives, we ain't never seen shit like this shit done to any shitty shitters like the shit they do in this movie. If your ass ain't guessed yet, we're talking about buttfuckin'. Serious buttfuckin.

Honestly, if you're got a weak stomach...or even if you don't...brace yourself before watching this thing. Get a puke bag handy. Or a lube tube or something.