You know, I'm a purist when it comes to a great many things. I like the old version of 90210. I like the "pre-CJ" Ramones albums better than the "during-CJ" ones (though Censhorshit's a boss fuckin' jam). And I like New Hope, Empire and Jedi way better than Menace, Clones and Sith (though I still enjoy the prequels quite a mothrfuckin' bit). So, with that in mind, I'll tell you right off the bat that I always like The Next Generation a whole fuck-ton better than the original Star Trek series. Some dudes would rather groove on a Tribble than a fuckin' Borged-out emotion chip, but not me, man. Maybe I would've loved the original series if I had ever really given it a chance, but fuck those guys. Shatner's a doofus and that Scottish fuckhead is ugly as those underwear with the pooed-up dickhole I bought off of a guy at that Jane's Addiction show we went to in 2009.

So, for me, Star Trek TNG will always be the groove of choice.

Some of you may remember Dane Cross from the many pornographic features he's appeared in over the past two years or so. A few of them happened to have been written and directed by our team of as-yet-unlegendary pornographers, and thus, we've got a special place in our heart for the guy. That's why, from time to time, if Dane comes to us, asking us to help him promote a project he's working on, help him beg people for money, or help him kill a story he'd previously asked us to write (inside joke), we're generally more than happy to oblige. Plus, since this time we're talking about an upcoming porno movie, this piece fits into our usual modus operandi.

Part of me can’t believe that it hasn’t been done yet. Part of me remembers that it already sort-of has been done, five years ago or so. Part of me wants to believe that it will be good. But mostly, I just wanna say fuckin’ FUCK YOU to Axel Braun’s new Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody. Why, when I love Star Wars so much and love watching people fuck so much? Eat shit, that’s why.

So, last night a homosexual friend of mine brought to my attention an article on Esquire's website about the lovely Ms. Taryn Thomas and the war between her version of Jersey Shore and ours. Check it out here - it's a good fuckin' read and you can browse their website for all kinds of awesome new kinds of push-ups that you'll never do, as well as learn about super expensive shaving creams that apparently blow you while you're shaving!!

While it was a helluva article, there were a few comments in there that we at POPPORN just had to take umbrage with so we took the initiative to re-write the damn thing to tell the whole truth.

We shot a little thing called The Official Jersey Shore Parody about a week ago and wouldn't ya know, we've got a trailer already! That's right, a little morsel of this ridiculous film for you to devour, digest and regurgitate in unholy glory. Sure, some folks will say that Jersey Shore didn't need a parody. That it was, in itself, pornographic. To that we say, FUCK YOU!