I guess I've been living under some sort of rock for the past few months or years, because I actually wasn't aware of this Casey Anthony story until yesterday when I saw the internet focus all of it's collective rage upon her. I suppose I may have heard bits of it in the past and chose to turn my eyes and ears off, because I'm one of those folks who just really can't handle hearing stories about dead kids. But regardless, this story's certainly front page news after yesterday's pretty significantly covered court ruling.
And hey, when there's over-sensationalized front page trash news to be exploited, you certainly know who's going to be there. Yep, Steven Hirsch has apparently contacted the lady in an attempt to get her to fuck dudes on camera. Bravo, Steven! That was fast!
Any of you fuckers use those deal-gettin' services like Groupon or Livingsocial or Getstuffcheap or Whompinsales or anything like that? Yeah, me too. It's a good way to get sweet-ass goods and servcies on the cheap, which is a plus in these times of seemingly ever-worsening financial woe. The one thing that still seems to evade these services, though, is porno. But hey, guess what? Someone thought of that, and fixed it.
Oh for fuck's sake. Maybe I'm in a nasty mood (or maybe I actually am a lot smarter than most people in the world) but the fact that Sasha Grey appears in the new Eminem video does not a cross-over star nor actress make.
Hey! POPPORN has a new sponsor! Having turned down sponsorship offers from exuberant spenders like Coca-Cola (too sugary and the red branding implies support of communism), Doritos (BUCKTON never forgave them for the "Doritos Collisions" series), Addidas (Bangs can't pronounce the letter "D", which would make it hard to promote their product), Sony (they refused to give us access to their password database) and K-Swiss (we felt inferior next to their other spokespeople), POPPORN eventually, and rather happily, accepted a sponsorship offer from Fyre TV, who we're gonna suggest that you start using! Why? Because they're keeping POPPORN running and also because they provide pornography, which is something we always enjoy.
So get ready, because the shameless plugging starts now!
This week: Ewoks gone wild. Middle aged men still pretending to be hot women on the Internet. Politicians in New York tackle the hard choices of the day, decides that lap dances are subject to sales taxes.
But wait, there's more! It's not just one of Elegant Angel's usual hits like "Big Wet Faces" or "Anal Senate" or something like that. Rather, they're kicking it up a notch and doing a big-time bonafide feature pornograph! This is noteworhty, because unlike studios who make their living on cranking out feature after feature month after month, Elegant's traditionally been a gonzo studio who usually shies away from dialogue (in favor of extended dance sequences near waterfalls and stuff). In fact, according to Elegant's press release, this is just their second feature in the past however many years, the first being either Pornstar Superheroes or Prison Girls, I guess (or maybe Let Me Suck You, because that had a pretty intricate plot).
I gotta tell ya, now it seems like there's a beef every other day. That's not a bad thing, especially when we've assigned ourselves as professional beef Watchers or it's a beef about towels and po or who's gonna beat up who. But when the beef seems to be genuinely beefy, we're not sure exactly how to proceed.
Okay, Vivid finished shooting their big-time moneymaker for the year, the Star Wars XXX Parody. I don't know what the official name is, probably "That's Not Star Wars XXX: The XXX Parody NOT" or something like that. Anyway, a handful of pictures got slammed onto the web recently, and while I still feel like I should hate this movie with all of my being, I gotta admit, the idea of watching Princess Leia getting banged out is pretty enticing.
I'd like to say that I could deny myself that particular fantasy, but I can't. I'm going to enjoy watching that scene. As an American male in his early 30's, Leia was most likely one of the first fictitious character to ever inspire a boner in me, and since you have to pay most ladies extra to dress up like her, this is the first time I'll get any type of satisfaction regarding that particular fantasy scenario. Which should be enjoyable, at least for a little while.
We're always dipped in honey when we hear about tales of charity. Perhaps it's because the last charity work we did was fan the flames of this sweet beef to our loyal readers and twitter followers. However, you can be sure that if we had the financial prospects to do so (and the kind nature necessary) we'd be donating money to charities like crazy! Need some bucks? Wham! Need a donation? WHOMP! It'd be free money season.
So, waaay back in 2009, we featured a little article on an organization known as pornsaints in which we presented the idea that they've got some interesting stuff going on and that you should probably go check out their stuff. They seemed like they were having fun and doing some neat stuff and it seemed only natural to suggest their exploits to our readers. Now, nearly two years later, they're getting ready to present their very first motion picture, entitled "Porno Totale", and I'll tell you what: I think I might have to retract our praise, because honestly, I just plain don't understand what the hell this thing is about anymore. And I certainly don't think this movie needs to be made. Sorry.
We have to be honest. We're more than a little excited about our upcoming porn movie. Now we understand what you're probably thinking. We tend to get excited about every movie we write and direct so what's the big whoop. Well this time we've got something very special.
You might recall us mentioning a little partnership we developed with Lee Roy Myers, porn director extraordinaire. Well, our very first co-produced and co-directed film will be releasing this June 21st and we couldn't be happier.
Ladies and gentlemen, we give you:
Hey listen. Are you familiar with Sabrina Deep? You know, she's that girl who's into banging her fans? She made that one movie about it last year and it won the TLA RAW award for sickest porn? Well, as you may or may not be aware, Sabrina's hitting the road very, very soon for her World Bukakke Tour 2011, in which she'll travel the globe asking fans to blow their loads all over her face. Fun!
It was revealed today by the liberal media in the United Kingdom that porn (of all things) had been discovered in terrorist extraordinaire (and recently, "done-dead") Osama Bin Laden's, Abbotabad compound.
We were thrilled to receive a press release today from our friends over at Ranker.com. Honestly, we don't know a single person there, but every now and again, they send us a press release about some category or another that they have "ranked" that we feel necessary to pass along to you, our loyal (albeit, somewhat distracted and downright discourteous) readers.