Look, don't let anyone tell you that POPPORN.com isn't concerned about the general health and well-being of the internet. While yes, it's a relatively new medium, no one can say that it hasn't been a little successful over the last few years. We've read at least ten articles about it over the last three years in various print publications and it seems that it might have the legs to stay and become part of the cultural lexicon.

Look, I’m not a pervert. Well, maybe I’m a pervert but I’m not a pedophile. In this day and age, we have people rallying for humane treatment of suspected terrorists, and still nobody is asking for leniency for short-eyes. I realize the kind of stigma I’m risking, but hear me out: its okay for me to be attracted to Natalie Portman in The Professional.

I just read that Amsterdam is planning to shut down half of the brothels in its world famous red-light district. This is particularly awful news for MEAT BALL (who loves talkin' in the third person), because I've already made plans for a mid-March Dutch vacation, in which I planned to sample at least 12 prostitutes a day.

How would I afford it? Easy - I blackmailed a dude!

A few weeks back, I was put in contact with Malachi Ecks, who you may or may not be familiar with from the world of adult entertainment. He's done a bit of directing, a bit or producing, a bit of this, a bit of that. For reasons that we'll get into soon (or not), Malachi's leaving the adult industry. So we thought it may be interesting to have some words with him as he exits the business for what we can only assume are greener pastures.

But that's not how it played out.

We just came across a recent story about a Chicago couple who saved their first kiss until they were legally joined in holy matrimony. The couple, who teach abstinence courses to Chicago public school students, say that the no-kissing rule came up as a way to prevent things from getting "out of hand".

We'd like to introduce you to Brian Street Team. We actually don't know him at all but several weeks ago, perhaps even months, he started writing to us asking to contribute to the POPPORN.com world. Not really knowing how he might fit in we kept him on a short leash but let him roam free, if you know what I mean. We discovered recently however, that one thing we were missing on this site were detail oriented reviews of the female anatomy. Specifically, the vagina.

So did you hear? The 2009 AVN nominations have been announced (finally!) and besides the pretty much expected roster of nominees there happens to be one nomination that we're particularly excited about.

A 37 year-old German man has been arrested for breaking into a department store and indulging in an orgy with the mannequins inside. He was discovered the next morning while cuddling with his inanimate conquests.

The gentleman's being charged with burglary and criminal damage after he admitted to screwing the plastic ladies, which is understandable from a legal standpoint because he did break into the place and those mannequins weren't his to fuck. This is, aside from the legal ramifications, is there really anything that wrong with fucking a mannequin?

Straddling the gay side of the porn fence like I do, I see a bunch of shit I reckon the straight POPPORN-ers don’t. Decent blowjobs, for one. I kid.

Anyway, for every G-MILF and Squirting Midget of hetero fap-land, we gays have Spiderman-on-Venom Cosplay and, of course, the sensuously intimate practice of fisting. But what brings our two perv communities together, sometimes, or for the purposes of this post? CBT: Cock & Ball Torture.

So...a few days ago, Bangs sent me a link to a video, and asked me to write something about it. The video, by the way, can be found here. Go ahead and click it. I'll wait.

Alright so I want to preface this piece by saying that a couple days ago I was fired from the newspaper I write at for being too “subjective” (my word). Evidently, if you’re a writer, criticizing anyone, even the most corrupt cock-suckers alive, is grounds for dismissal for having the gall (I may have spelled that wrong but who cares I’m on a roll) to form a fucking opinion. I guess I just always had this ridiculous notion that it’s a journalist’s job to hold elected bodies to task.

Working for an online retailer has been educational. I’m learning a lot about marketing on the internet, branding, and analyzing web statistics. It sounds kind of boring, sure, but what about the practical applications?

That's right, a new month a new contributor. Alistair Thrustwell III has joined our ranks. You can check out his beautiful mug over in our contributors section and for your enjoyment, his first addition to POPPORN.com...

What’s that called? You know, when the fabric is just stretched too tight across a set of zoobs…

It is now 15 minutes before the debate. I'm getting fucked up, waiting, convinced that no matter what the outcome is, we're all fucked. There's no stopping this shit.

I wasn’t sure how I’d begin this article. Admittedly at first I intended for it to be a scathing condemnation of what most would assume to be the greatest celebration imaginable. I was going to say how when it was held in Miami it was made to sound like a showcase of debauchery, the very likes of which few of us have ever truly witnessed.