Don't worry, unlike our 2012 AVN Best New Starlet editorial last year that resulted in a blitzkrieg of backlash, our op-ed in regards to this years winner should fall safely in the Disney-realm of opinion pieces. That's because Remy LaCroix won the 2013 AVN Award for Best New Starlet and who didn't see that coming?
Hell, we're idiots but at least we know we're idiots. Most people don't have the slightest clue that their idiots. This lack of self-awareness is what leads people like your Uncle Bill to wax philosophical about what should be done about the crisis in Syria or any other topic in which he has little to no real experience or knowledge.
So when we stumble across a person who exhibits even the briefest moment of intelligence, we like to point it out. Enter, former adult performer Indigo Augustine.
While our motto tends to be, "Jesus was a cunt" there are moments when we realize that God does serve a purpose if only to inspire man to otherworldly moments of inspiration.
I gotta tell ya, it seems to me that when an industry collapses in the span of 4 years and faces financial ruin due to free content running rampant on the internet with no governing body trying to (or even interested in trying to) stop it, logic would dictate that creative measures must be taken. These creative measures must be forged not only in one half of the demographic but across all channels.
Thus this article is to you Gay Adult industry. What the fuck is your problem?
POPPORN often offers up our professional opinion on any number of topics. Our goal? To help those who we consider to need helping. We wander the internet much like a good Samaritan wanders the streets in search of elderly individuals in need of assistance when carrying their groceries. We consider this to be a sign that we care.
Last month, I went to a terrible place. I went to the Rick Santorum party at the Amway Grand Plaza in Grand Rapids hotel the night of the Michigan Republican Primary. While I chose not to vote in the primary because I am not a Republican, I did want him to win. Because he's insane.
Valerie Pokorny is an unfortunately named Catholic who teaches people when not to fuck and brainwashes young female children into thinking their vaginas are sacred vessels for babies that belong solely to Jesus.
I'm going to go out on a limb here. I don't think anyone else but Brooklyn Lee deserved to win the 2012 AVN Award for Best New Starlet. There, I said it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of all of the performers who were nominated in this category. But the fact of the matter is, Brooklyn played a killer role in our Official Revenge of the Nerds Parody, scored us this sick ass photo of the original nerds loving her AND us, did this boss ass interview for our site and she's a wonderful performer and person. Having said that, I think it's pretty goddamn obvious why she won.
Let's face facts. We'd probably all be better off with Rick Santorum in the White House.
Lets end the charade. Porn isn't a good thing. Sure, we like to talk about it a whole lot and we look at it almost daily due to our chosen careers (and the fact that hormones are the darnedest things). Ultimately, however, do you think we really believe porn is something that benefits society other than making a few individuals who didn't have the wherewithal to do anything productive with their lives rich?
Each awards season I am amazed by the sheer volume of press releases we receive that proclaim a studios prowess in the adult industry based on the number of nominations they received from this awards show or that awards show. As a company who has, in the past, proudly proclaimed our own sexual potency based on these same nominations, it seems like this kind of grandstanding should ultimately die out once a company gets more in touch with the reality of the situation.
A few weeks ago we posted a couple articles wherein we tried to decide whether we would prefer to have sex with a selected adult performer or eat one of our favorite foods. To most people this would seem an absurd competition but as we are somewhat older gentlemen with control over our penises, choice is something we appreciate.
Sex is awesome, don't get us wrong, but have you ever had a fuckin' boss plate of Nachos?
As we've mentioned before, it's fun to come to work each day to be surprised by a photograph of a porn gal you've never heard of and think, Hmm, she's pretty! It's fun because, unlike the ordinary world, basing your likes and dislikes on something as shallow as appearance is AOK in the world of the adult industry. You see, while we try to be decent, equal opportunity folks around these parts, and we do believe that a woman can do anything a man can do (and probably better), we also like to take our "politically correct/decent human being" jacket off every once in awhile and simply admire and judge a woman based solely on her appearance.
So today we stumbled across Shyla Jameson.
As you might have noticed, we've recently discovered here at POPPORN.com that collectively, we are unlike your typical, average Joe. Perhaps it's because each of us here in the office are in our 30's, work in the porn industry and haven't been able to maintain a decent erection in over 3 years, but sex and boobs and butts and vaginas and buttholes just don't impress us anymore.
In fact, we've often asked ourselves if we'd rather have sex with a beautiful adult starlet or enjoy one of our most favorite foods only to discover that the food really had a fighting chance! This is shocking because most guys are boobs blind. Meaning, they'd pretty much do anything to have sex with anything.
Not us. Fuck that.