Lucky for us, tickets to the 2014 AVN Adult Entertainment Expo have officially gone on sale leaving us with approximately 229 days, 23 hours, 47 minutes and about 22 seconds left to order. Do hurry!

Last night, I live tweeted my viewing of the Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom sex video. I did it because I felt that the public deserved to know just what they were getting into before they purchased this DVD. I've been duped numerous times by celebrity DVD's that were poorly shot, featured very little actual sex and in some instances, didn't even include the famous person they promoted on the cover, i.e. that John Hillerman DVD that was floating around back in 2005.

Had you been unlucky enough to end up in Atlantic City, New Jersey last weekend you would have successfully avoided Super Storm Sandy (it hit 6 months ago!) but would have found yourself smack dab in the middle of another shit storm.

Last weekend, Exxxotica hit the Jersey shore!

AVN Hall of Fame Director Mike Quasar can now check off "Genius", "Inventor" and "Inventi-genius" (next to pornographer, artisinal drummer and alcoholic) on his next job resume because he's done the impossible. He's figured out a way to document and (more importantly) publish thoughts on the internet. It's called simply, "blogging".

James Deen doesn't love you. He loves your money. James Deen doesn't want to have sex with you unless he's getting paid for it and James Deen certainly doesn't want to know you unless your name is Benjamin. This may be a hard reality to come to terms with if you're a Deenager, but if you're the type of person who needs a handsome, well-endowed fella to fill a position on any sort of film production (whether or not semen is required on command) well, this might be information that you find very interesting.

Besides their up-to-the-minute adult industry news, AVN is occasionally in the business of publishing extremely long-winded articles about all types of stuff that we find to be moderately to barely interesting. We skim these articles with as much attention to detail as we might say, review the consistency and color of our morning bowel movement.

Sometimes you let the news work for you, ya know? Case in point, the title to this article. I lifted it directly from an article available over here. I mean, c'mon. It's got drama, pizazz and a whole lot of chutzpah!

It also clearly states an already well established fact. In this instance, that women like men with bigger wangs. More importantly, it explains that science has now proven it.

In some rather not-so-shocking news, adult industry heart-throb James Deen has apparently bedded down a reality television personality. Sadly, this sexual romp was not with POPPORN backer Donald Trump or leftist/socialist icon Ariana Huffington. No, Deen's sex-counter was with Farrah Abraham, star of MTV's lackluster "Teen Mom" porn series.

In what can only be called a bid to "stuff-it-in-the-face" of all other adult awards shows, AVN has decided to announce the hosts of their "upcoming" 2014 AVN Awards show ten months in advance!

IN YOUR FACE OTHER ADULT AWARD SHOWS!

In a shocking move that electrifed both fans and industry folk alike, longtime Elegant Angel mainstay William H. has announced that he's leaving the studio in favor of a new post at Jules Jordan Video, where he's slated to produce one new film each month under a variety of niches.

In an even more shocking move, as he left the Elegant Angel offices late last night, William H. reportedly murdered twelve people with a variety of weapons, including (but not limited to) guns, knives, baseball bats with nails in them, a claw hammer and a heavy-duty plumber's wrench.

There were big plans for this weekend. Big plans indeed. The POPPORN screw had their bags packed, their batteries charged, and their plane tickets ready. We were all set to to fly out to Camarillo and shoot our long-planned epic, Camarillo Chunkers Brigade, a special-effects-laden BBW feature starring a lot of those big-ass porno ladies who use numbers in their names to signify how large they are. But then we read about the new 45-day moratorium on porn shoots in Camarillo, so we have to wait until, like, Memorial Day to shoot it! This sucks extra hard because it means we need to re-write our next feature - Memorial Day Cum Burglars - as a Fourth of July picture instead!

All because of fucking JIMMY HATS.

Look, let's not be dumb, mmkay?

When you decide to get a massage you should damn well expect that you're gonna get felt up. Just like any middle school dance, the endgame of any massage is second base. Maybe some finger-banging if it's needed. It's common knowledge. Yet it seems like everyday there's another news story where a "victim" claims they were touched improperly by their masseuse.

Unlike that last Presidential election, here's a vote that might actually count for something.

TLA RAW, that shining bastion of pornography, is at it again! They're letting creeps like you and me vote for who and what in the sleaze-industry should be acknowledged with a shiny, somewhat cheap-looking trophy. From Best Porn Movie and Female Performer of the Year to Best Sex Toy Manufacturer and Best Freakout, the TLA RAW Awards are pretty darn regal.

Here it is, Delaware. The most interesting story that will ever ooze out of your state. For those of you unfamiliar with Delaware, it's a small, unassuming state located somewhere in the Eastern United States (next to Ohio, I think). It's known for...well...I guess nothing, really.

News broke this morning that Melissa King, who was recently crowned Miss Delaware Teen USA (which I guess means that she's the absolute best "Delaware teen" in the entire country, whatever that means), was left with no choice but to hand back her crown, after news surfaced that she had shot - get this - a porn video!

We've just gotten word that Alektra Blue is leaving Wicked Pictures! We haven't heard the whys and hows as of yet, but being the uber-smart dickholes that we are, we're pretty sure we can accurately surmise the reasons for the split. It probably has something do with with either that rogue LA Cop who caused all that uproar recently, or the blade-running athlete who recently killed his girlfriend. I imagine one of those guys is a patsy for Alektra, who's been rumored to have her big toe (among other body parts) involved in all kids of illegal shit.

Or heck, maybe she just made child porn like other Wicked contract stars. Or maybe she's just generally unloved, like other Wicked contract stars.