Hey fuckaz!

Have you seen the recent New Sensations hit, Ashlynn Goes to College? We saw it, and we thought it was a pretty breathtaking piece of adult cinema (also called "peoplefuckin' movies"). It's got it all - comedy, top-of-the-line fuckin', and a dude who looks a lot like Walter Matthau.

Well, it took a little longer than we had anticipated, but like all good things, the first episode of POPPORN's "Shitty Advice from Tom Byron" is well worth the wait.

As any of you worth your salt are already aware, Tom Byron is nothing short of a legend in the adult entertainment industry. he's seen it all, done it all, fucked it all and, most importantly, had his bunghole licked by just about every pretty face under the sun. Needless to say, the man's learned quite a bit over the years, and being the good samaritan that he is, Lord Byron's sharing some of that wisdom with the rest of us.

Stop right there!

If you ain't watched part one yet, get the fuckin' fuck back there and see what your sorry ass missed. This thing ain't gonna make sense without it!

Of course, truth be told, it probably won't make all that much sense either way. But we got Spock going incognito, MEAT BALL puking, a couple of nice zoobatroggin' titzahs and some of the bitchinest comedy in town.

Dig this shit, fuckaz! It's none other than the biggest all-lowercase name in the business, jessica drake!

It turns out that jessica didn't read the fine print on the model release she signed for us a little while back, and as such, she's stuck shooting the shit in a room without air conditioning with none other than the two scummiest dudes in Philly (next to Bangs, of course).

Ever wonder what the ladies of POPPORN do when they're not doing shirtless porno reviews with Monsieur BUCKTON? We wondered, too. Especially after BUCKTON overheard some plans for a booze-fueled, pill-poppin' all-girl party.

It turns out that these girls spend their leisure time doing exactly what you'd imagine they'd be doing: drinking, smoking weed, lounging in lingerie, watching porno, making out, and occasionally discussing the early works of Werner Herzog (though that particular discussion was far too hardcore for our site. Gapes aplenty...).

Alright, fuckaz. Here comes the second installment of POPPORN's boozed-up dance party at National Mechanics, and while part one was a spectacle to behold, part two clearly makes part one look like a pile of shit with piss inside it, and maybe some boogs or something on top of it.

Okay. Let's say that Alektra Blue, jessica drake, Kaylani Lei, Courtney Cummz, Ashlynn Brooke and Jack Napier all humbled themselves enough to spend their Saturday night partying with POPPORN's resident scumbags. Can you guess which one of them ended up pissing on the wall?

So, how was everyone's Fourth of July? Ours was awesome. While the rest of you were out there pledging your allegiance to a nation that has some kind of ridiculous objection with images about sexual poo-poo, we were hard at work splicing together primo footage of gorgeous chicks taking their clothes off and frolicking around a crowded nightclub while our resident scumbag emeritus, Spock BUCKTON, spread his truth like a virus.

We've been talking about our bitchin' rad weekend with porn stars for what feels like a billion years now, and who can fucking blame us? Don't answer that question, motherfuckers, or we won't share our plethora of video treasures that we captured over the course of said bitchin' rad weekend. Speaking of which, the plethora of video treasures begins now!

Amazing, isn't it? In between our boozed-filled dance parties and drug-riddled sex parties, we scumbangers here at POPPORN still find the time to review a new porno movie. This week, we'll be putting the proverbial screws to Naughty America's My Sister's Hot Friend 12.