Hey, check it out! We suckered Ann Marie Rios into coming to our office for an interview! And it was fun!

Listen. I don't know exactly what this thing's all about. All I know is that a disc arrived on my desk with a short video file on it and a note that said (and this is the original spelling, not my own): "YOU PLAY THIS ON YOR PORNO SITE OR YOU IS GET KILLED."

And I sure don't want to be killed.

Isn't the digital age great? Random hoo-hah like this can just pop up out of nowhere.

I guess we lied. We didn't quit doing POPPORN. Obviously. I mean, we posted a new article yesterday. And we have a new video today. So, yeah...I guess we're back. We're sorry.

And hey, what better way to return than with our absolute drunkest video ever?

Okay, everybody. Time to get creeped the fuck out.

If you happen to be one of the plethora of people who happen to follow the twitter account of Zero Tolerance or Tabitha Stevens, you’re already aware of this news, but if not, well, I guess that’s why we're here.

Well, I suppose all good things must come to an end. I suppose the same holds true for amazing things, groundbreaking things and magnificent things. Because, while POPPORN.com has been amazing, groundbreaking and magnificent in it's time (revolutionary and maverick, too), the writing's been splattered all over the wall: it's time to throw in the glove.

Hey! We made this movie! That means that you should totally go buy it, regardless of what this review says. Even though the review turns out to be pretty favorable. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "wait, you guys made this movie. Of course you're gonna give it a favorable review!", and you're right. But it's not because we're boastful people. It's because this movie really is freaking great. And we know firsthand, because we were the ones who made it so great. For serious.

Hey, we're not afraid to say that something we made sucks. We're mature enough to admit defeat. We just don't put our names on those particular sucky products. Not that The Delinquents is one of them. That shit's pure fucking pornographical gold. For serious.

Man, I love boasting!

I know it seems slightly out of character for us, but we're presenting a video that wasn't shot last year. Nor was in shot two years ago, or even three. As a matter of fact, the video you're about to watch (or may have already watched) was shot just last freaking week. Weird, huh?

See, we got this email from a guy asking about why we don't have new videos so often any more, so we decided to, y'know, try to make some videos in a more timely fashion. And, as luck would have it, yenna happened to be in our ofice with a porno movie she'd recently watched, called Phone Fucks.

Serendipity. Or something quite like it.

As we mentioned last week. It's hard not to love Ryan Keely. So, while we were staring at one of her numerous twitter ass pictures, MEAT BALL chimed in and mentioned, "Hey, I think we have a tape lying around here somewhere that we shot last year featuring Ryan Keely and her amazing ass that we meant to edit and publish but forgot about thus making it an old tape but still worth putting up on the site."

We shot this video almost a year ago. Most of the people involved have given up porn or died by now. I think. Maybe not.

Remember the Exxxotica expo that we went to last summer? I bet you thought we had used up all of our footage from that show, huh? Sure, we posted some interviews with Isis Taylor, Joanna Angel, Penny Flame and a pre-Jersey-shore-feud Taryn Thomas, and it probably seemed like that was all we had, right? Well, we fooled the fuckin' shit out of you, didn't we?

It turns out that there's still lots of footage from the Exxxotica expo that we never even fuckin' used! Feast on that! I bet you didn't even know that we interviewed a clearly non-intoxicated Meggan Mallone while we were there! But we did! And there was no intoxication of any sort occurring the whole time. Believe that. Please.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in January, there was a big porno convention in Las Vegas, and Lucy Vonne stole our camera to interview some dudes during the course of it. You might recall, we posted her Mick Blue interview a little while back. Even though the video in no way featured Spock BUCKTON, we decided to post it anyway. Worth a try, right?

Before we start, I'll tell you what the best line in this whole video is. It's this: "You'll be fat...as a fuckin' fat retard."

So hey, remember how we said we were gonna milk at least one more episode of our web-video foolishness out of the footage we shot with Stoya last month? Well, fuck, dudes, here it is! In today's video, we'll speak a little bit more with Stoya about what's been going on with her since she disappeared off the face of the Earth last year. Not only that, but we'll also see her tits a little bit, which ought to be cool for you guys, because nobody's seen too much of them since she disappeared off the face of the Earth!

Also, you'll get to see footage of BUCKTON realizing how awful his dick smells! Pure comedy gold!

I got this video passed on to me from our fine friends at the Zero Tolerance pornography company, who, as you may or may not know (but most likely do know unless this is your first time laying eyes upon our "award-winning" adult-themed blog) have done quite a bit for us in terms of helping us ease our feet into the business of making movies about people having sex. Mike Quasar requested that I promote the following video on our site in some way, though the request also included a caveat, that I abstain from my usual "juvenile mockery".

We're not really in the business of promoting things. Sure, we get tons of press releases from companies about this and that and we assume they send them to us because they are looking for us to promote whatever it is they are talking about in the press release they sent us but honestly, who has the time...or interest. God I love run-on sentences. Instead, we sort of choose to write about things that amuse us. Those things might be news related, comic related, lie related...one never can tell, but every once in awhile, we find ourselves actually writing about something that could fall in the category of promoting something other than ourselves. Who'd a thunk it?

Hey, Stoya's back!

Kind of. Or not really, I guess. I mean, she's not back shooting new pornography or anything. But, heck, she is back on POPPORN, and that's really what matters to everybody out there, isn't it? No, it's not. But heck, we're gonna go ahead and believe it anyway.