So...while the bulk of the POPPORN staff is grooving out in Vegas, most likely auctioning off their private parts to a plethora of A-list pornographers (not to mention scoring a shitload of that awesome Vegas meth), a few of us are still here at the offices, without a whole lot to do but rub our nutsacks on BUCKTON and Bangs' desks, smoke Double D's weed and groove out to the newest batch of advice from Tom Byron. He's got Penny Flame helping him out, too. Which is pretty righteous in and of itself.

Listen. That Brady Bunch show was a pile of shit. You know it and we know it. It's fucking unwatchable. Same deal with the Shelley Long remake. It's unfunny and lame, even for the shit standards of its heyday. Lucky for us all, Hustler and X-Play grooved the idea into their brains to update this crapfest with something worth watching. Namely, red-hot fuckin'. It was a brilliant idea, and it served them real fuckin' well over the past year. So well, in fact, that they thought it was worth sequel-izing with the new Not the Bradys XXX: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Well, folks...we're just about done with 2008. Not much left to do but booze up our bellies and hit the streets looking for somebody even more boozed-up than us who enjoys blowing scummy porno-blog contributors. But before we do that, we found a way to cram one more advice column from the undisputed king of ought-eight, Tom Byron.

Well, it's just about that time, folks. Old Santo Clause is packing up his sled with all the meth, beave and cognac he can carry (assuming he got our lists) and we're all upping our rum-to-nog ratio to make sure we're nice and hammered for the upcoming holiday. We should mention that POPPORN will be taking the rest of the week to acquire and then heal from a few drunken injuries (which we'll most likely get while trying to steal a Wii from an adolescent), and we'll be back on Monday with more of the sometimes-true, always-relevant news/boobs/insults that you've come to rely on.

Until then, there's not gonna be a creature stirring around here. Except BUCKTON, Bangs, and the always lovely and enthralling Jessie Lee.

If you watched Tuesday's video (and if you didn't, go ahead. We'll wait.), then you'd know that we promised you that Stevie Hart would jettison some clothing during the course of the next video. Well, the video is here. And jettison she did.

If you've been reading POPPORN lately, you've already heard of Stevie Hart. If you haven't been reading POPPORN, you've got a lot of fuckin' nerve showing your fuckin' face around here. You fuckin' fuck. Anyway, while you've surely gotten to know Stevie quite a bit during her previous interviews and videos, you've never seen her talkin' to BUCKTON, and that means you've been missing out.

Tom finally answered Rampo's letter! Fuckin' A!

Rampo, if you don't know, is easily the biggest Tom Byron fan in the history of Byron-fandom. He's seen every movie, memorized every line, and re-enacted every scene on VHS tape (each of which has been carefully packed and mailed to the POPPORN offices. No shit.).

Before you start your holiday bender (we assume everyone drinks heavily from 6:30 Tuesday evening night until noon on Monday, like we do), take a minute to appreciate the shittier things, like a new lesson in livin' from Tom Byron!

Hey, a new video! How's bout's it?

We know it's been a while since we had a "new this week" video, and we know it's been rough on you guys. We've heard your concerns, and we've certainly heard your complaints. So get off our backs, for Christ's sake, because we've got a new one to throw at you. And Morgan goes all zoobs-out for it, which is always cool.

Byron's back to fuck up your life with his bad ideas! And Aurora Snow's with him!

It's been, what, a week or so since the last installment of shitty advice? We gotta say, we've made it a point here at POPPORN to follow Tom's suggestions to a T, and we gotta say...our lives have been fucked up tremendously as a result. This is some truly bullshit advice, man.

What a week. A new president and a new piece of shitty advice! Everything's comin' up roses for you shitheads, isn't it? Fuck, did we just refer to you assholes as shitheads? Sorry, we're still fuckin' hammered from Tuesday's big election-night-booze-and-coke shindig (now going on hour 39!), so we're a little giddy.

Another one from the vaults, motherfuckers!

While getting stoned and re-watching the lastest Tom Byron advice column, it occurred to MEAT BALL that there was still an unused half-interview with Charley Chase grooving out all by its lonesome in the POPPORN vault. What's more? The interview was shot while Charley was waiting to get photographed and then fucked (in that order) by Tom Byron, so she's stark raving nude for the whole thing.

Get your listening ears on, because Tom Byron's back for another round of the world's worst/best advice. This week, Tom's got a little help from Carolyn Reese, who's got some pretty awesome zoobs, in case you didn't know.

While digging through the POPPORN video vaults, MEAT BALL came across an interview with Jessie Lee that we never used. How fuckin' stupid are we?

You may know Jessie from Burningangel.com, where she describes her occupation as "I beat bitches up". We thought that was weird, because we were under the impression that her job was porno, but hey, you learn something new every day, right?

Byron's back, and his advice sucks! Actually, we're totally kidding. After this video, we're thinking of re-naming the column, "Awesome Advice From Tom Byron", because he actually dishes out some pretty spectacular answers this week.