Dig this! We got one more nugget of Lebowski-related smut news to throw your way. Who knew?

Given the fact that Tom Byron's starring in the upcoming XXX spoof-out, and also given the fact that Tom hosts a regular feature on POPPORN in which he doles out shitty advice to whatever punk-ass dickheads that care to send a question or two his way, we thought it would just make sense to see if The Lord of Ass wanted to answer a few questions from the horde of Coen-crazed film geeks among our ranks.

I don't really know about you guys, but here at POPPORN, we're digging the fuck out of that new Joanna Newsom album. It's boss as fuck, and it's, like, ten hours long! A true magnum opus. After hearing it, it was unanimously decided that we've got to get a interview with Madam Newsom up on our site as soon as possible. If we were lucky, she'd even break out the harp and croon out a few choice nuggets for us. if we were really, really lucky, she'd even get naked, as is the custom here at POPPORN. I mean, we're better looking than Bill Callahan, and she got down with him (and I'm talking downtown)!

Unsurprisingly, Joanna turned us down flat, and even took out a restraining order against Bangs. She's more than happy to appear on Jimmy Fallon's unfunny snooze-fest, but not on a somewhat well-regarded pornographic faux news site like ours? What's up with that?

Anyway, fuck it. We just went with the other Joanna instead. Because she gets what we're all about.

Okay, the title of this video implies that everybody taking part in this thing was hammered. Personally, I wasn't there, so I can't really stand behind that accusation. I mean, I'm pretty sure BUCKTON was hammered for the whole awards show. i can't really say for sure whether or not Alektra and Kaylani are. You'll have to judge for yourself. Unless the two of them show up here at POPPORN and leave a bunch of comments and whatnot, which we all hope they will.

Anyway, as you see, this is the first batch of footage we cobbled together from the hot shit AVN Awards in January. Sure, it's not exactly timely, but who the fuck gives a fuck? Come on. Lots more to come. You wait and see.

Hey, look! Monique Alexander's sitting on Tom Byron's lap! That means she's sitting in on today's Shitty Advice video (and most likely countering Tom's shitty advice with some top-notch suggestions of her own). Chances are you've seen Monique in action over the past few years, either in a bombastic and plot-heavy Paul Thomas feature (no offense to Monique, I just personally feel like Thomas is the Michael Bay of porn), or in the just-released (and significantly more bombastic) POPPORN effort, How to Be A Ladies Man.

Before we go any further, I'm gonna just go ahead and beg you to go buy How to Be A Ladies Man. Couldn't hurt, right?

We shot a little thing called The Official Jersey Shore Parody about a week ago and wouldn't ya know, we've got a trailer already! That's right, a little morsel of this ridiculous film for you to devour, digest and regurgitate in unholy glory. Sure, some folks will say that Jersey Shore didn't need a parody. That it was, in itself, pornographic. To that we say, FUCK YOU!

Hey groovers, we got some new advice for you to groove on!

Yep, King Tom is back and he's got more of the shitty advice you've come to base all of your important life decisions on, day in and day out (we hope). Joining Tom for this go-round is non other than Kristina Rose, who we just love the god-damn fuck out of (and are in the midst of shooting for our upcoming Jersey Shore spoof as well)!

Okay, folks. It's been a while since we had a new video up on our site. We've been slacking, and we understand that you may be pissed off at us. But god damn it...I swear to fuckin' God...this video's gonna make everything all right.

Aw shit! Guess who got their hands on the promo videos for what's certain to be the hottest new spoof to hit the porno world in ages (until POPPORN's Jersey Shore spoof comes out, of course). Yeah, we did! Because we're tight like fuck with Zero Tolerance, obviously. Now, as you probably know, my hopes were pretty high that ALF would be the next spoof to be birthed out of this righteous studio. Of course this is not the case, because really, nobody wants to see an ALF porno. But, on the other hand, that show about catching predators...I think it's actually called To Catch a Predator...folks would be all over that shit like syrup on hotcakes (or something equally awesome).

In a departure from the usual shitty (or actually terrific) advice often passed on to you, Tom Byron and his whole god damn beautiful crew are taking a minute out of their busy holiday photo shoot to wish you and yours a happy holiday season.

Well...we're hard at work, frantically editing the fuck out of our latest magnum opus, How to Be a Ladies Man, and it's almost done. We're breaking our backs to find a way to meet our deadlines and still hit the streets to score all the necessary drugs to keep us from convulsing and shit, but we're doing it. The movie's not hitting the streets for another month and a half, so you've got some time to prepare yourself for the sexual onslaught awaiting you. And you can totally pre-order it now, for a mad cheap price.

So, while you're ordering and waiting...feast upon the fuckin' trailer!

Hey, guess who we ran into? Taryn fuckin' Thomas, that's who!

While we were hanging with Taryn, BUCKTON managed to apply that extra-swarthy charm we've all seen oozing out of him from time to time (and tried not to touch, obviously) to get the inside skinny on a whole fucking smorgasbord of pressing topics. Topics like Taryn's absence and subsequent return to pornorgaphy, butthole rippage (eee-yow), those annoying indie rock dudes who wear skinny jeans (you know who you are), and, well, cum.

We never get tired of talking about cum. How could we?

Let us just say that another wonderful holiday has come 'round again. One that you may or may not be into. Thus, my first sentence back there might or might not be sarcasm. One never can tell. With that in mind, we'll see ya next week.

We're in the midst of editing our next movie, How To Be a Ladies Man so you'll be getting a lot of updates about it in December. But nonetheless...let the turkey attack begin...

Okay...its no surprise that as we go further and further down the road of pornographically-enhanced television spoofs, the quality's starting to suffer. It seems as though each of these porno studios is in such a hurry to spoof each property before the competition can get ahold of it that they, possibly, may decide to forgo some key elements of a story. Take Hustler's Everybody Loves Lucy, for example. The thing's not even in color!

First rule of modern moviemaking, Hustler. If it ain't an art film, color that fuckin' shit up. And, make no mistake, Everybody Loves Lucy ain't no mothershittin' art film (though no one can deny that there is a certain aesthetic glory in the erotic contortions of Audrey Hollander's nether regions).

I've got no problem ranting and raving about the porn I think is worth watching, the comics I think are above reproach or the TV shows I think deserve the highest accolades (those three top spots belonging to the Happy Days spoof, From Hell and The Wire, respectively), but for some reason, I always feel like holding my tongue when it comes to music.

Before we start, I gotta say, I get real pissed off when I see somebody other than Lisa Ann trying to take the mantle of pornography's Sarah Palin. Maybe it's because Lisa did it first. Maybe it's because she hails from the Lehigh Valley (like much of the POPPORN staff). I couldn't say for sure, but those other fuckers better knock it the fuck off quick. That's all.

Oh, yeah - we have a new Tom Byron video for you fuckaz!