Okay, folks. It's been a while since we had a new video up on our site. We've been slacking, and we understand that you may be pissed off at us. But god damn it...I swear to fuckin' God...this video's gonna make everything all right.

Perhaps you heard that the reigning Queen of Porn, Belladonna has decided to retire from performing to focus on her directing. Yes, she said this before only to return a couple months later, but that was due to a close call with a skin rash. But this time, well, it looks like she means it.

You're not a dipshit, are you? I didn't think so.

So you're probably gonna want to make sure that you're in the Los Angeles area this coming Saturday when what sounds like the bitchinest party since sliced bread goes down Yes, the slicing of bread used to be cause for celebration. It's a sad fact, as we become more and more dependent on our twitters, iphones and blackberries that we've forgotten about this wonderful tradition, but fuck that - the important thing is that all of your Los Angelsians are getting the chance to party with not just one, not just two, but a whole fucking slew of the greatest porn stars on the planet, and what's more, it's for a good fucking cause!

Check out the flier here or this bodaciousness!

As we've mentioned before, we're not really in the business of breaking news. We're far too understaffed for that sort of glory-hound, real journalism sort of angle, instead, we choose to dredge up news already posted and give it to you dialed UP! However, in our short history, we have brought some nuggets to the people and one of them was the introduction of the lovely Stevie Hart to the adult world.

I was cruising around the west coasts largest porno convention EroticaLA with my boy James Deen. We were partaking in some beverages and seeing how many girls we could get to make out with me. We were quite successful in both missions; beverages were consumed and making out happened with several nice young ladies (and one kind of really old one but I don't care about age it was still rad).

I came into this world stark naked and dripping wet, and it soon became evident that I would prefer to remain that way. When the doctor gave me that first slap on the ass, I arched my back and cried out for more. As a little girl growing up in the suburbs of San Jose, California I was notorious for fleeing the house, abandoning my clothes, and splashing about in the mud puddles. The neighborhood boys loved me, but their parents already regarded me as the local hussy and tried to keep their sons on a short leash. Since I was viewed as a potential threat to the boys, I was left with only girls to begin exploring my sexuality, and I could often be found crawling into the bushes to lock lips with the second cutest skirt on the block.

Hey Belladonna!

We realize you're probably still reeling (and maybe having a few seizures) from that awesomely outrageous belated birthday video we grooved out in your honor the other day, but feast upon the even greater gift we're about to bestow upon you - an entirely favorable review of your new movie!

Belladonna...we love you. We really do. We love the fuck out of you. We're sorry we missed your birthday. It was totally our fault, and we can only hope that this ultra-belated video birthday card will be enough to make up for it.

It's dance-able, it's way more tripped-out than Mick Blue's birthday video, and it's got a loop of you saying "meaty vagina". We tried to make it as Max-Headroom-esque as possible. We hope you like it, because, as previously mentioned...we love you.

We're sending you some LSD in the mail to take while you watch this video.

One evening last week, I got invited to go with Belladonna and her hubby Aiden down to this sweet little cabaret joint in Hollywood to see their friend Terra Naomi sing. It was pretty bitchin'. Kimberly Kane was there, too. And James Gunn (the dude who makes those "PG Porn" skits and also wrote the Dawn of the Dead remake, which classifies him as kind of a mini-god). He was there because Terra Naomi is his girlfriend. I'm somewhat sure.

Holy fuckin' fuck, we got Belladonna back on our site!

You may or may not remember the first time we had this stunning goddess of pornographic beauty on our site. It was our very first video, in fact. If you saw it, you may remember that she was more than a little creeped out by a then-medicated and non-bearded BUCKTON. She had to warn him to keep his hands to himself several times while on-camera, and several more time while off-camera. Plus, her bodyguard shanked MEAT BALL, too.

Um, who remembers the big porno thing that happened in Vegas a few weeks back? What was it called, ABM? ATM? Something like that?

Whatever it was, we're aware that most of you missed it. And we'll never forgive you, because POPPORN felt really fuckin' lonely while we were out there. But we managed to pull ourselves together and have one fucking hell of a great time anyway, thanks mostly to BUCKTON's extra-special co-host, the all lowercase porn sensation, jessica drake!

Always there to help with a bit of advice or to have her asshole swallow a baseball bat, porn dirty girl Belladonna was back in Australia for this week's Sydney Sexpo.

What timing! The Pope is in town for World Youth Day.

Said Belladonna to news.com.au: "The Pope has indicated he might apologize to victims of sexual abuse and that is a positive thing to do. But unless he follows up with some practical advice that addresses the sexual needs and desires of clergy, the problem will simply continue.

We haven't checked in with our favorite adult superstar in awhile so, without any further delay...

Australia - It's POPPORN's kind of country. And not just because it's down under.

AdelaideNow.com reports that Michelle Sinclair (known in these parts as Belladonna) wanted to do something different while she was in Adelaide for Sexpo, so she and husband Aiden Kelly caught a game of Australian Rules Football.

Don’t ask us how it happened. We’re still fucking boggled (and possibly flummoxed) by the ridiculous luck we've been granted, but somehow, the hand of fate saw fit to grant Spock BUCKTON and MEAT BALL a few minutes of face time with the greatest of all great pornographers. I’m speaking, of course, of Belladonna.

As if that weren’t enough, we also spent a few minutes with everybody’s favorite girl-next-door, Shane's World contract girl Casey Parker. She told us about how she likes nerds, hates violence and would probably fuck Abraham Lincoln.

Hey fuckaz! This is Spock BUCKTON cumming at you from my lair deep in South Philadelphia. I’m a little irritable today and out of fuckin’ meth. So don’t you dare call me unless you’ve got some shit.

Me and Meat Ball recently returned from the methiest city in the world – fuckin’ LAS VEGAS. We were out there to do some drugs, some gamblin’ and some legal hookin’. (Missions accomplished) But imagine our surprise when we found out there was a goddamn porno convention going on the very same week were there. BONUS!