Hey, somebody's making a porn movie based on a popular mainstream media franchise! Weird!

Ah, fuck the hate, Axel Braun's working on a big-time Spider-Man XXX porno movie (as many of you are aware) and we happened upon a few set pics from the production. Nothing graphic as of yet, which is sort of disappointing, but hey, it's something, right? Considering that Marvel just doesn't seem to be able to produce a readable monthly Spider-Man book, the Broadway musical is decaying more and more by the minute (which is most certainly a good thing) and the new film version's seemingly got bullshit written all over it, this may be the best representation of the friendly neighborhood wall-crawler available to us at the moment.

It's official! 2011 is the year of Jonathan Hickman! We are only midway through the second month, but this dude is so far ahead of any other comic creator we might as well award the year to him now. And I've got to be honest with the world of comics. Comics, you've been better. With some exceptions, overall you haven't been thrilling me lately. So far 2011 has been pretty fucking weak. I'm a dude who reads a lot of books and I've been leaving the shop with only one or two books a week. But with FF, SHIELD, and Secret Warriors, Hickman has been keeping me satiated to the max.

Late last week, Marvel announced that the new Fantastic Four would be released a day earlier than scheduled, due to the fact that the AP would be reporting on the death of one of the FF. Now I thought that meant us loyal readers would be able to sneak into the comic shops on Tuesday to find out which one of the four would bite it before the mass media spoiled it for the world. So Tuesday morning I woke up and jumped on Twitter to find many warnings from fellow comic fans to stay away from mainstream news. I knew what I had to do.

MEDIA BLACKOUT!

So far 2011 has been pretty weak as far as new comics go. I've been picking up one or two books a week and have not much to say about them. But there's some good shit coming out in the next couple weeks (Iron Man 500, Age of X and a death in the Fantastic Four), and the Big Two are starting the hype machine for their 2011 events (Fear Itself and Flashpoint).

Without much new stuff out on the shelves, I went back and read my favorite run of my favorite creator on my favorite characters: Grant Morrison's New X-Men.

In the pantheon of things that will rot your brain, I am either obsessed with or work in the big three: pornography, comic books and video games.

Porn you know all about and if you don't, well, happy 18th birthday kid. Video games we'll talk about another time — but this time around, the focus is on comics (especially since I just finished Garth Ennis and Steve Dillion's excellent series, "The Preacher").

He's big. He's tough. He's dead. He's got one eye. He is ODIN! And it looks like Asgard is gonna need him. Thor and Balder have taken their turns at leading Asgard and the Nine Realms and they have done a pretty shit job. Thor thought it would be a good idea to bring Asgard back as a floating city above Oklahoma (moron!). Thor was tricked by Loki into giving up his kingdom to Balder (stupid!). Balder then moved Asgard to Latveria (what an idiot!), and then moved back to Oklahoma (can you believe this idiot?), where he was deceived by Loki (what a stupid idiot!), and then attacked by Norman Osborn in Seige (durrrr!). Who put these clowns in charge? Clowns!

I am thankful for the buttload of great comics that came out the day before Thanksgiving. Seriously, there wasn't a weak one in my stack.

With the end of the year approaching fast, the big two comic companies are making their 2011 announcements. Last week the cover to Marvel Previews hit the internet, and it left me terribly annoyed. Not the one with webs shooting out of Spider-woman's ass (that's awesome), but this other one.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been Batman-obsessed. I've started some other books, but then I stop, go look through my piles for the pilgrim issue of The Return of Bruce Wayne or pull out my Batman RIP trade. It's all I want going into my brain right now. Grant Morrison just has this hold over me that makes everything else look like pointless fluff. And the times I actually have strayed from the bat-books, I've only gone to other DC books. What is going on? I thought Marvel owned the bigger chunk of my soul, but lately I don't give a fuck what the Avengers are up to. The X-Men seem like strangers. My sexual spandex fantasies are now saved for the newly jacketless Wonder Woman and that hot, young alien Supergirl.

Last spring, Kick Ass came to movie theaters around the world, and not many people went to see it. I was one of those people. I honestly haven't been in a movie theater since Avatar made me so nauseous that I had to retreat to the lobby, to sit on a bench, hunched over and surrounded by loitering teenagers. In case you're wondering, I hope the movie-going public sees 3D for the money-gouging fad that it truly is. But that's not my point. What is my point?

It happened again. I fell through the hole in things, and it took me to the end of time and back again. New York Comic Con. Never has a con worn me out so thoroughly, nor have I been to one so immense and so filled with nerds. It was bright and grueling, smelly and beautiful. There were many rooms, some of which I never entered. But in one of the big rooms at the bottom of things, sat a gentleman and a lady. The lady put a paper band around my wrist and told me to seek a booth with many t-shirts. When I found the booth in the main hall, they cut off my wristband, took $20, and gave me a Hal Jordan White Lantern Action Figure. It was then that I fell through the hole...

But now I'm back. And I want to talk about comics!

It's almost here. This weekend, October 8-10. The New York Comic Con. The biggest gathering of nerds and geeks on the East Coast, and I will be there! I’ll be shopping for exclusives, waiting in lines for autographs and sketches, eavesdropping on creators, hitting up the panels, and gawking at ladies in metal bikinis.

I don't know if you're familiar with this Topless Robot website, but most of the time, I find it to be a pretty good way to whomp six or seven minutes of quality internet time out of my life. They've got lots of what the layman would call "nerd" news - you know, shit about movies, comics, video games, cartoons and whatnot. Like I said, it's generally a pretty good site. I read it often and have even poached and re-written a few stories from them for this here blog-of-wonders.

That said, their recent list of 10 Hottest Nerd Costumes For Girls (that aren't Slave Leia) is such an unbelievable load of bull-crap that I can't even believe it.

When the going gets tough, the tough take some downtime to relax and reflect. But reflecting in comic books is boring. Unless it's written by Garth Ennis. HIGHLAND LADDIE spins out of Ennis' The Boys. Wee Hughie has been feeling uncomfortable with the level of violence that has become commonplace in his job with the Boys, so he returns to his seaside hometown in the north of Scotland to visit his parents and childhood friends.

If you're a dude, one of the worst things that can happen to you is finding out that a chick is better at something than you are. It's much worse than a kick in the nards, or your favorite sports team losing the big game. Of course, this is all hypothetical. No chick has ever beaten me at anything. In fact...oh, who am I kidding? My wife makes twice as much money than me. I'm the one who cooks dinner and carries her shopping bags, while most dudes are at the bar, getting drunk, and watching their sports team win the big game. But I'm not alone.