So, last night a homosexual friend of mine brought to my attention an article on Esquire's website about the lovely Ms. Taryn Thomas and the war between her version of Jersey Shore and ours. Check it out here - it's a good fuckin' read and you can browse their website for all kinds of awesome new kinds of push-ups that you'll never do, as well as learn about super expensive shaving creams that apparently blow you while you're shaving!!

While it was a helluva article, there were a few comments in there that we at POPPORN just had to take umbrage with so we took the initiative to re-write the damn thing to tell the whole truth.

We shot a little thing called The Official Jersey Shore Parody about a week ago and wouldn't ya know, we've got a trailer already! That's right, a little morsel of this ridiculous film for you to devour, digest and regurgitate in unholy glory. Sure, some folks will say that Jersey Shore didn't need a parody. That it was, in itself, pornographic. To that we say, FUCK YOU!

Aw shit! Guess who got their hands on the promo videos for what's certain to be the hottest new spoof to hit the porno world in ages (until POPPORN's Jersey Shore spoof comes out, of course). Yeah, we did! Because we're tight like fuck with Zero Tolerance, obviously. Now, as you probably know, my hopes were pretty high that ALF would be the next spoof to be birthed out of this righteous studio. Of course this is not the case, because really, nobody wants to see an ALF porno. But, on the other hand, that show about catching predators...I think it's actually called To Catch a Predator...folks would be all over that shit like syrup on hotcakes (or something equally awesome).

Well...we're hard at work, frantically editing the fuck out of our latest magnum opus, How to Be a Ladies Man, and it's almost done. We're breaking our backs to find a way to meet our deadlines and still hit the streets to score all the necessary drugs to keep us from convulsing and shit, but we're doing it. The movie's not hitting the streets for another month and a half, so you've got some time to prepare yourself for the sexual onslaught awaiting you. And you can totally pre-order it now, for a mad cheap price.

So, while you're ordering and waiting...feast upon the fuckin' trailer!

We know, it's been a little quiet around these parts the past couple of weeks. As we mentioned before the turkey slaughtering holiday, December was going to be a little busy for us so updates might be a little spotty. Why would our updates be spotty? Well, you might have heard that we were nominated for nine, count them, nine AVN award nominations. That fact has sort of sent us into a tizzy of self-evaluation and, of course, vodka fueled binges. In addition to that, we've been hard at work on the follow up to our AVN nominated mega-global-hyper hit POPPORN - The Guide To Making Fuck and damnit, we wanna get it right. After all, we're AVN nominated fuck-makers now, right?

Here's the thing. Dancing is a tough business. It's not something you can just learn, it's an art that you either have skillz with or get played by...sadly, as human beings we're interested in the good and the bad.

Case in point...

Last weekend, we headed out to Los Angeles to shoot our next adult film, How To Be A Ladies Man. We shot in North Hollywood on a sound stage for three days. We had a sweet set built for us, we had sweet food served on set (that wasn't so sweet) we had 20 hour shoots, no police raids and genuinely, a pretty sweet time. While we were away, MEAT BALL posted some photos for your enjoyment.

The premise of the film is basically an infomercial. Yes, an infomercial that will help you get sex. In this installment, we set about to help men score sweet, sweet ladies. Believe us, most men need a shit ton of help...especially us.

Oh, shit! Zero Tolerance, the greatest studio in the history of adult entertainment, has a new contract star! Perhaps you've heard of her? Her name's Sara Sloane. But you might know her as Sarah Vandella, the name under which she's done a shit-ton of awesome performing. Ringing some bells now?

Well, sometimes good things come to those who wait!

We've been trying for the past few weeks to drum up investors for a mainstream infomercial that BUCKTON has decided he wants to make. From the very beginning we explained to him that the chances of that happening were damn near impossible but, we agreed to at least try. Well, we made several pitches to no avail. We even had one or two promising meetings with a company in New York that invests in these types of programs and even received some private donations from readers who simply wanted to help.

However, at the end of the day, it just wasn't happening. That is, until now.

When you are old and gray and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

It seems that every fall we must stop for a moment and reflect on the past year. As time marches on and our mortal frames age slowly in this game of life the seasons changing remind us of how temporal our existence truly is and while some may choose to look at that fact as a sad reminder of our ultimately futile battle against death we here at POPPORN choose to see it as a reminder that sooner or later, Zero Tolerance is going to release another Girlvana movie!

Woah, where was I? Oh yeah, vacation. I'm sorry, I seem to be a little bit disorganized since I returned from a glorious week of fun in the sun and sand. Yep, I was off blowing some of the dough we've been raking in from operating this here site as well as the fucking HUGE royalty checks we've been receiving thanks to the killer sales of both POPPORN - THE GUIDE TO MAKING FUCK and TMSLEAZE.

However, after going on vacation we (or should I say, me? ah, whatever...) have come to the realization that we will need to produce more revenue if we are to sustain this lap of luxury lifestyle. Thus, another film!

Have you dreamed of have sex with Tori Black? I know a lot of you have and this is your chance to experience what it may be like. The question is do you want the girl next door or the model. This title gives you both as Tori teases and pleases. So do you have the guts to try Interactive Sex with Tori Black?

Okay, everybody knows that Mike Quasar is king boss when it comes to making high-class porno, but did you know that he's also king boss when it comes to making high octane rock and roll music? It's true! or at least, he says it's true. You can find out for yourself when Quasar's rock band Say Uncle reforms for some hot shit reunion grooves at Paladino's tomorrow night!

For those of you bitch-ass suckas who don't know about Say Uncle, they're a high-octane metal band from Canada. Fed up with Canada's stringent poutine regulations and constant moose attacks, Quasar and the rest of the band (including porno industry vet Matt Holder) relocated to L.A. with hopes of being the next big king-bosses of the music scene, but instead ended up being king-bosses of the high-octane filmfucking scene instead. Who knew?

As you're well aware, we make it our mission to seek out the latest and greatest porno that the adult film industry has to offer so that we may view it, review it and give you the straight dope on whether or not it's any good. Sometimes we come across a goldmine of sexual genius. Sometimes it's a sucktastic whopper of shittiness. And sometimes....perhaps only once in a lifetime...we come across a life-changing pornographic experience like the movie that's we're reviewing today.

In the interest of full disclosure, let us say that we are in no way affiliated with the directors, stars, producers or crew of this movie. We just found this DVD on Bangs' desk and it ended up being awesome.

Man, kids are just growing up faster and faster these days. Remember the big hubbub a few months back about college students trying to show a hardcore porno movie on their campus? I think the movie in question was Pirates? The big-wigs at the state capitol got all flustered and flummoxed and freaked the fuck out about it. You remember, right? Well, the suits and ties in charge of New York's public schools must be shitting themselves over the recent screening of triple-XXX porno in a Brooklyn Elementary school. 'Cause, you know, children is tha' future and shit.

(I realize I spelled "the" with an "A". That's the way the kids are doing it these days. Shit's idiomatic.)