It's Wednesday morning. Nothing good can come of that. Sure, comic books come out today, but aside from that today is just the piece of shit crammed in the middle of the week to remind us that not yet time to dive in to Friday night's requisite drunken haze, and it's far too early to start getting excited about a new Game of Thrones.
So to hell with trying to come up with "actual"* news for today. We're just going to repost this photo, originally found on Mike Quasar's AARP-award-winning blog.
There's quite a lot to be said for patience.
First off, patience is stupid. It means you don't get to do what you want to do when you want to do it and that's stupid. Hell, that's the definition of stupid, I think. Secondly, it doesn't get you anywhere. Sure, some asshole decided long ago that patience was a virtue, but again, when you decide something stupid is a virtue aren't you just being stupid?
We wanted to take a moment to let you know that, once again, things are going to get a little quiet around here. You see, we're off to shoot another pornographic film and frankly, MEAT BALL gets a little lazy when left to his own devices in regards to updating the site.
However, who really cares? We're making another porno flick!
As you might have read on this here blog or via other, more reputable adult news outlets, POPPORN is back in the movie making saddle. This week, we'll be heading out to Los Angeles once again as not one, but two of our films will be made. It's been a while since we shot our last film, the multiple award nominated (and multiple award losing) teen drama Delinquents so we're pretty excited to be producing once again.
Ah, the fickle universe of the contract adult performer. For some folks, it's a goal to reach. One that offers stability, security and a family-like atmosphere where one can enjoy a long, fruitful career. To others, it's a trap in which never to be snared which offers only moderate income and many, many dull weeks of no work. and ultimately, limited exposure.
However, in the world of porn, contracts are constantly being signed and voided all in an effort to find just the right chemistry between performer, studio and fan that is harmonious and rewarding for all involved. So it came as no surprise that over the weekend, another performer left her contract and decided to go freelance once more.
Seriously, I'm gonna have to start watching TV if I want to have any sort of future in porn. It's just getting to the point where I've never heard of half the things that are getting parody-ized (is that a word? Parodized, maybe?) in porno these days. And that's not saying that the properties getting spoofed these days are without their cultural merit. Rather, I'm just so far out of the loop that I don't quite know what's what anymore. I mean, I'm familiar with The Brady Bunch, Cheers, Seinfeld and all those mega-popular shits from days of yore, but I can't say I ever heard of anything like The Big Bang Theory until Lee Roy had his way with it. Heck, I never heard of TMZ until Bangs told me he and BUCKTON were spoofing it. It makes it harder and harder to believe that no one's touched Twin Peaks yet.
If you happen to be one of the plethora of people who happen to follow the twitter account of Zero Tolerance or Tabitha Stevens, you’re already aware of this news, but if not, well, I guess that’s why we're here.
I got this video passed on to me from our fine friends at the Zero Tolerance pornography company, who, as you may or may not know (but most likely do know unless this is your first time laying eyes upon our "award-winning" adult-themed blog) have done quite a bit for us in terms of helping us ease our feet into the business of making movies about people having sex. Mike Quasar requested that I promote the following video on our site in some way, though the request also included a caveat, that I abstain from my usual "juvenile mockery".
Yep, as promised, we've got the worldwide premiere of the Official Hangover Parody teaser trailer now running at full steam. We can't remember exactly when we promised it, but that's not really important.
Look, when we think strippers we immediately think of young women looking for a rewarding, fast paced job with incredible benefits and excellent pay to help them get through medical school. Make no mistake, these women truly have evaluated their situation and discovered a reasonable career that will only support their future goals. It's a win-win. So when Mike Quasar sent us a link to a trailer for his newest movie called, The Stripper Diaries, we were excited to check it out.
So, last night a homosexual friend of mine brought to my attention an article on Esquire's website about the lovely Ms. Taryn Thomas and the war between her version of Jersey Shore and ours. Check it out here - it's a good fuckin' read and you can browse their website for all kinds of awesome new kinds of push-ups that you'll never do, as well as learn about super expensive shaving creams that apparently blow you while you're shaving!!
While it was a helluva article, there were a few comments in there that we at POPPORN just had to take umbrage with so we took the initiative to re-write the damn thing to tell the whole truth.
We shot a little thing called The Official Jersey Shore Parody about a week ago and wouldn't ya know, we've got a trailer already! That's right, a little morsel of this ridiculous film for you to devour, digest and regurgitate in unholy glory. Sure, some folks will say that Jersey Shore didn't need a parody. That it was, in itself, pornographic. To that we say, FUCK YOU!
Aw shit! Guess who got their hands on the promo videos for what's certain to be the hottest new spoof to hit the porno world in ages (until POPPORN's Jersey Shore spoof comes out, of course). Yeah, we did! Because we're tight like fuck with Zero Tolerance, obviously. Now, as you probably know, my hopes were pretty high that ALF would be the next spoof to be birthed out of this righteous studio. Of course this is not the case, because really, nobody wants to see an ALF porno. But, on the other hand, that show about catching predators...I think it's actually called To Catch a Predator...folks would be all over that shit like syrup on hotcakes (or something equally awesome).
Well...we're hard at work, frantically editing the fuck out of our latest magnum opus, How to Be a Ladies Man, and it's almost done. We're breaking our backs to find a way to meet our deadlines and still hit the streets to score all the necessary drugs to keep us from convulsing and shit, but we're doing it. The movie's not hitting the streets for another month and a half, so you've got some time to prepare yourself for the sexual onslaught awaiting you. And you can totally pre-order it now, for a mad cheap price.
So, while you're ordering and waiting...feast upon the fuckin' trailer!