It's been over a week since your last serving of shitty advice, and you've gotta be hurting (unless you've been getting shitty advice from some secret confidant on the side, in which case you ought to be ashamed of yourself). Besides, no matter how awful the advice you get from some asshole on the street, it couldn't be anywhere near as shitty as the advice you'll get from the Lord of Ass.

Get it? Lord of Ass? Shitty??

Ahhh, these babies are wasted on you fuckers.

Tom Byron's back and he's got nothin' good to tell you. It's not like we can blame the guy too much. Would you be able to give decent advice if you had Jenna Haze sitting on your lap and constantly reminding you that she wants your cum in her stomach?

Good god, that woman's fucking gorgeous.

Put your listening ears on, motherfuckers, because it's time for another installment of "Shitty Advice From Tom Byron", the advice column that makes Dear Abby look like a pile of puke and makes Savage Love look like the yellow cum that shoots out of our wangs (remind us to ask Tom about that in a future episode).

You know how we know that we've made it? How we know our journey to the pinnacle of stardom was been a success? How we know that we are truly, absolutely, 100% on top of the fucking world? Because we're hanging out at Tom Fucking Byron's house. That's how we know.

That's right, motherfuckers! It's time for another round of life lessons from porno's premier assmaster, Mr. Tom Byron! Joining Tommy at the help desk this week is none other than MEAT BALL's very favorite veteran starlet of the screen, Stephanie Swift, who is still looking as goddamn fuckable as ever.

Well, it took a little longer than we had anticipated, but like all good things, the first episode of POPPORN's "Shitty Advice from Tom Byron" is well worth the wait.

As any of you worth your salt are already aware, Tom Byron is nothing short of a legend in the adult entertainment industry. he's seen it all, done it all, fucked it all and, most importantly, had his bunghole licked by just about every pretty face under the sun. Needless to say, the man's learned quite a bit over the years, and being the good samaritan that he is, Lord Byron's sharing some of that wisdom with the rest of us.

That's right. We've got a new column coming your way called Shitty Advice from Tom Byron. The Lord of Asses is dishing out the truths that no one else has the guts to tell, and he's doing it "Dear Abby" style. Don't say we didn't warn you, even though we didn't and we won't..