Listen. I don't know exactly what this thing's all about. All I know is that a disc arrived on my desk with a short video file on it and a note that said (and this is the original spelling, not my own): "YOU PLAY THIS ON YOR PORNO SITE OR YOU IS GET KILLED."

And I sure don't want to be killed.

Isn't the digital age great? Random hoo-hah like this can just pop up out of nowhere.

At the risk of sounding like a hippie, all you need is love.

At least, I believe that when it comes to marriage. I don't hold any sort of idealized, my-prince-will-come image of the whole thing, but I do think love, in all its abstractions and variations, is a good place to start if you want to get hitched.

To his credit, U.S. District Chief Judge Vaughn R. Walker just decreed as much in his ruling in California's anti-gay marriage ballot proposal, or Proposition 8. The state, he wrote, "has no interest in differentiating between same-sex and opposite-sex unions."

Unless you've been living under a rock or in Utah, porn parodies are hot. They're like what tranny videos were to 2006. Remember how popular tranny videos were a few years ago? Of course you do, even if you claim not to know anything about chicks with dicks.

Like the popularity of Bieber Fever, or the continuing directorial career of M. Night Shyamalan, there's really no explaining why these things are popular. The same goes for porn's latest love affair with "parodies."

Notice the quotes around "parodies."

Hey, look at that! BUCKTON's laying in bed with Bobbi Starr! You might know Bobbi from the career-defining roles she played in POPPORN: The Guide to Making Fuck and How to Be a Ladies Man (or possibly from the bazillion other movies she's appeared in).

BUCKTON was luck enough to catch up with Bobbi a few months back during this year's AEE shindig in Las Vegas. Having worked with POPPORN before, Bobbi turned down our requests for an interview, so our crew had no choice but to sneak into Bobbi's hotel room and interview her before she even had a chance to get out of bed. Really, it's the only way to deal with that sort of situation. Besides, we had the OK from Bobbi's man-friend (who was last seen on POPPORN as few weeks ago blow-drying BUCKTON's nutsack).

Are you a woman who struggles with road rage and an insatiable libido? Do you often find yourself screaming obscenities through your windshield at the other cars on the freeway while secretly wishing you were in bed, sipping a glass of wine and shoving a man's face into your pulsating vagina?

Every 365 and a quarter days the people of Western civilization chuck out their old calendars, hang up new ones (preferably the Nerdcore 2010: Horror calendar), and resolve to stop fucking up their lives and start taking steps toward self-improvement. After a series of holidays that involve repeatedly gorging yourself with fatty foods, guzzling down booze, and spending wads of cash, it's not surprising to find yourself in a state of introspection during that final week of vacation, wondering why you're still fat, broke, and no better off than you were the previous year. At this point, it seems appropriate to set a few goals for yourself so that you don't find yourself in the same predicament at the end of the following year. Unfortunately, the majority of these goals end up falling by the wayside by the time summer rolls around, but occasionally one survives long enough to find itself realized, and if you never set any goals in the first place, you'll probably never achieve anything. Let's take a minute to examine a few of the more common goals people set for themselves at the beginning of each year.

Ahhh, the 80s . . . when America's masculine heartthrobs wore make-up, perms, and tight tapered jeans. How can a girl resist the allure of a shirtless guitarist in spandex pants pouring his heart into a classic 80s power ballad? Sure, I spent years studying classical music, but that doesn't mean I don't have a deep appreciation for the finer aspects of America's rich pop culture.

I know what you're thinking . . .

You're thinking, "Damn, I wish I could live the life of a porn star." While you're sitting at work entering data into a computer, convincing customers that they really need that extended warranty, or whipping up a grande caramel macchiato, some people are getting paid to engage in copious copulation with beautiful people all day.

It's been a long day at work. You're belly is starting to grumble, and you don't have nearly enough energy to cook dinner. As you drive past a McDonald's, you think, "Damn, I could really go for a Big Mac right about now." (This wouldn't be my personal preference, but with billions and billions served, I suspect this craving is experienced by many.) The building looks suspiciously deserted, and as you pull up to the drive through window, you find it closed and obscured by a notice stating, "Closed by the US Supreme Court for distributing unhealthy products within the community."

So, it's been a while since my last entry into the POPPORN chronicles, and some of you might be wondering what I've been up to for the past few months. Internet rumors abound; has Bobbi begun developing an elaborate gubernatorial campaign, eloped with a European dignitary, or vanished into the witness protection program after her tumultuous affair with a notorious (yet ruggedly handsome) leader of the Armenian mafia? Pay no mind to the elaborate speculations of those scandal-hungry whores of the gossip-driven media. I am still alive and well, and I am here to tell my tale.

Last weekend, we headed out to Los Angeles to shoot our next adult film, How To Be A Ladies Man. We shot in North Hollywood on a sound stage for three days. We had a sweet set built for us, we had sweet food served on set (that wasn't so sweet) we had 20 hour shoots, no police raids and genuinely, a pretty sweet time. While we were away, MEAT BALL posted some photos for your enjoyment.

The premise of the film is basically an infomercial. Yes, an infomercial that will help you get sex. In this installment, we set about to help men score sweet, sweet ladies. Believe us, most men need a shit ton of help...especially us.

Whoa, dudes!

I know everybody's getting all set to groove out and drink themselves into oblivion for the weekend (and I'm right there with you), but before we all head out into the bliss that is Friday, Saturday and Sunday, we've got a special surprise for you: pics from the set of our new porno movie!

As you most likely know, we're in the midst of production on our next blockbuster smut film, How to Be a Ladies Man! It's gonna be sexy as fuck, funny as shit, and most likely somewhat crude and uncouth (as is our way). BUCKTON and Bangs grooved themselves out to Los Angeles a few days ago to get the cameras rolling, and if these photos are any indication, things appear to moving along quite well indeed.

After years of studying music, I feel a natural connection with musicians everywhere, and I developed many strong bonds within the music community in Northern California. Even though I’m no longer working as a musician, I still enjoy checking out live music whenever I get a chance, and it’s always a treat when I get to see my friends from the Bay Area performing right here in the city of angels. A couple weeks ago, some of my favorite South Bay musicians were rockin’ hella (a little token Bay Area slang for ya) hard at the Knitting Factory’s Bluebeat Lounge with their ska band the Whiskey Avengers.

I love hearing what my fans have to say about serious issues, but perhaps some of you are wondering what the day to day life of a porn star is like. Could it really be all glitz, glamour, and gratuitous cum shots? When you’ve made a career out of sensual pleasure, what do you do for fun? Today, I’m going to give you a glimpse into my personal life with the details from a recent day of recreation in LA!

Recently, CNBC aired a special on the current plight of the porn industry entitled “Porn: The Business of Pleasure.” One of the major issues addressed in this report is the effect that recent technological advances have had on the producers of pornography. Now, I’m sure most of my readers are far too conservative to concern themselves with the problems facing the purveyors of such sinful indulgences, but perhaps a few of you would find this show interesting.