We all have our types, right? For me it’s a tall, clean cut, witty guy. For others it’s blondes with big boobs, brunettes with big butts or you know, just someone with a pulse (or sometimes without a pulse). Well, one Australian woman was a thing for footballers. No, not the Tom Brady or Donovan McNabb type of footballers, I mean those gay little pansies that kick a little ball around the pitch. She has such a thing for them, she fucked 200 of them.

Well here is another reason NOT to wear a condom, gentlemen (though if you are fucking some skeevy chick or dude you just met you probably should wrap up, but let’s be honest condoms aren’t fun for anyone)! Recent studies done by Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine have found that the heat generated from laptops is harming sperm production. So while you are surfing for the latest fuck flick on the net, you are killing your baby making tadpoles.

I see Brittany St. James has spoken out for contraception. I'd like to publicly join her in that, and take it a step further.

Some people SERIOUSLY need to stop breeding. And I mean "people" in the most loose sense possible- a set including everything from wannabe gangsters to hirsute pachyderms like David Hasselhoff. (Keep on singing though Hoff. The Night Before Christmas was to die for.)

So if you haven’t figured it out from my previous postings I’m not a fan of the hairy balls. Actually, if I may be honest I am not a huge fan of hair anywhere below the neck and above the thighs but I digress. Finally, someone is stepping forward and advising men on how to take care of the hair down there.

So obviously the porno studios are in love with these fucking parodies. Of course this allows for some of the best porno titles I’ve ever heard such as: Itty Bitty Titty Gang Bang, Schlong Blade, Men in Black Men, Lawrence of a Labia, E3: The Extra-Testicle, 28 Gays Later, Roadclit, Lord of the Cock Rings, Clithanger, Acockalupse Now, Honey, I Fucked the Kids, A Cockwork Orange, As Hard As It Gets, Choke-A-Hontas, and of course everyone’s favorite family alien: ALF: Anal Loving Furries. Now, not each of these movies is actually a parody, some just come up with a witty turn of phrase for the title, but you know what I'm getting at!

The British love their boobs and is something I learned quickly after picking up a copy of The Sun, a UK newspaper, when I lived there in 2007. On Page 3 of The Sun they feature lovely young women and their supple breasts. That means you only need to spend 50 pence a day to see some hot chick with sexy boobies.

Becoming a contract girl in porn is a pretty big deal right? Well nowadays it seems to be easier than ever as Vivid is just handing out $1 million contracts left and right. First it was the Octomom, Nadya Suleman, after news broke of her having those eight babies and all ready being the mother of six the media circus began. It was revealed she was a stripper at one point so of course this easily qualifies her to do porn.

First things first, every now and then we all need a good and deep fucking and at the time I got the Symphony Opus by Evolved I needed just that. With six inches of insertable fun I was ready to get down and dirty. And that’s exactly what I did.

So we all know Nevada is known for two things: gambling and sex. Gambling is pretty lame if you ask me. But the sex part is pretty fucking amazing. Though prostitution isn’t legal in Nevada, state lawmakers are proposing the taxation of purchased sex.

I don’t get it but there are certain people in my life (that’s you, Andrew!) that love the SHAMWOW Guy! You know you’ve seen him. He’s everywhere! Vince Shlomi, 44, the dorky looking pitchman for the towel that wipes up anything and everything (where were you ShamWow when my date left his load on my roommate’s couch?).

So about a month back I brought up the fact that little Alfie Patten had become a father, at the age of 13. What was even more incredible about this story was that Alfie looked like he was eight years old! Well DNA tests had revealed that Alfie’s baby’s momma was in fact a slut and Alfie was not the father!

It’s no secret that this current economy sucks sweaty, hairy balls (if you want me to put them in my mouth, you better wash and shave them, buddy!), but The Foxy Lady Strip Club in Providence, Rhode Island is doing what it can to get people off their knees and on their feet working again, even if the job description might require you to be on your back at times.

The following is a letter to Pope Benedict XVI:

Dear Benny The XVI,

I know my reputation with the Catholic church has been what one might call “fucking terrible” for the past 15 years or so. I mean there was that time that me and Tommy Rivers got caught playing doctor under a pew during communion rehearsals, that time I handed out condoms to kids in my C.C.D. class, the whole ditching my confirmation to go get stoned, the time I became a Mormon, the time I was swearing and using the lord’s name in vain at the Vatican while drunk, taking birth control pills so I can get fucked without having the babies, but I now think it’s time you listen to me.

One of my closest friends, Dave, is a huge fan of the porn. He and I have spent countless hours conversing over who is hotter (He has a thing for Allie Sin), the pros and cons of a POV scene and the skill it takes for successful cream pie. One night, after many drinks, Dave was completely shocked to find out some of our other friends did not know who Lexington Steele was (to this day I still crack up at this). Dave is also a proud republican who stands by his beliefs regardless of how much I make fun of him (and his love of receiving the anal sex*).

I, myself, like an array of toys in the bedroom. Vibrators, dildos, butt plugs etc. I also enjoy it when the guy I’m with enjoys using the toys on me. However the second he pulls out a power tool I’m outta there! But for a 27 year old woman in Lexington Park, MD she found the power tool to be highly erotic once a sex toy was attached to it.