It is getting to the end of the month and I only have $40 in my bank account. I started to freak out a little. The problem is... I'm lazy. Very lazy. I enjoy sleeping until noon and watching TV until dinner time and lounging in a bubble bath reading magazines at night. I don't want to get a job sitting in an office all day answering phones or shilling ugly teeshirts at some store in the mall. I need a way to make a nice chunk of cash quick without being naked so I can continue to enjoy my mostly-sedentary lifestyle.

Throughout the many trials and tribulations of dating in college, my old roommate and I devised a theory of dating that rivals most of the philosophical formulas in your average Philosophy 101 book (time to take notes, freshman daydreamers). It also has some serious Brave New World qualities to it, for you high IQ high schoolers. Basically, We constructed a system of understanding who you can and, more importantly, cannot date, based on the following formula: