In this Bree Olson feature from Adam & Eve we have a series of vignettes featuring Miss Bree and four of the more popular stars from the world of adult. Do you think you can turn your eyes away from The Five?

Hey, guess what? We have a new contributor. Yep, it's true! See, running a blog takes a lot more than a willingness to work for free, and shattered dreams. It takes the help of people just like you! Well maybe not just like you, it helps if the "you" in question is interesting, funny, creative or at least hot. Lucky for us, our new contributor Christina fits all them there bills. You may know Christina, she runs an adult industry review site called AIPdaily. We thought it might be a nice addition to our team to have someone who actually watches the movies they review (I'm looking at you BUCKTON) spend some time telling you why you might want to check out the sex flick we're talking about. Christina is just the lady. Her reviews are detailed, play by play assessments of some of the best fuck flicks on the market. So sit back and have a taste of PLAY BY PLAY WITH CHRISTINA!

This past Saturday, while lying face down on my couch around 2PM in the afternoon I was startled by two, unrelated occurrences. The first was that my street (a relatively unassuming, South Philadelphia street with more characters than a David Lynch film) had been overrun by a pack of Lesbians. When I say pack, I don't mean the usual three or four that, in most instances of Lesbian sociability equates to a pack, I mean thirteen, tried and true tough-as-nails, butch lesbians playing corn-hole (well I'll be damned, there's a fucking Cornhole Association).

Guys wake up with morning wood and often times I wake up with a screaming clitoris. Thankfully California Exotic’s Mystic Wand satisfies all my morning urges. This toy is really three toys in one with ten different settings making each session with it unique and if done right, extremely satisfying.

The Mystic Wand has three interchangeable tips: the “love dome with mystical pleasure rings”, the “mystical diving dolphin” and an “intimately shaped and contoured” piece that really does the trick. There are ten settings to the waterproof wand that begin with a slow standard vibration to slow and quick pulses to soft vibrations that gradually lead up to a faster and harder vibration.

First things first, every now and then we all need a good and deep fucking and at the time I got the Symphony Opus by Evolved I needed just that. With six inches of insertable fun I was ready to get down and dirty. And that’s exactly what I did.

We asked our gal Nicole to review a toy for us since she never has and well, what we got was not only one of the most complete reviews we've ever had, but one that made us want to test out the toy on ourselves. That's saying a lot. So, with that, maybe you'll wanna touch your soft parts after you read what Nicole is serving about the MY MIRACLE MASSAGER...

Well it has been way too long since I have reviewed a vagina, my bad. I was busy getting hookers down in Mexico then busy recovering from the subsequent case of chlamydia.

A few weeks back, Josie Jacobs, our resident awesome lady, decided to go to the polls and ask our loyal readers which sex toy she should review next.

"The Stubby Nubby G's thick curve and powerful vibration is one sure-fire way to find it every time. Mushroom shaped and jelly-soft, The Stubby Nubby G's unique feel will serve you shaken and stirred."

That’s the sales pitch that the manufacturer provides you with. I sort of agree…

Look, I'm not really into the whole Tera Patrick mystique. Sure, she's a beautiful woman and has done a lot for adult/mainstream crossover but c'mon, she's married to this guy and honestly, she seems a bit lifeless. However, she's got status and I'm all about upping my own so last night I had sex with the next best thing, the new Tera Patrick signature series Fleshlight.

So, there I was, lying on the floor of the bathroom after a night of mixing Red Bull and ‘Tussin when my bullshit bad-Vincent-Price-movie-free-ringtone started echoing in my ears. Normally, this would result in another phone shattered against the tile walls, but when I reached for it, I accidentally hit “Talk.” Bangs’ voice was on the other end, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and shit and he was going on about how cool it would be if we could somehow tie this Twilight phenomenon in to the adult industry. As I hadn’t spoken yet, it was clear that he was talking to somebody else (probably BUCKTON). Stupidly, I opened my mouth.

Hey POPPORN readers, I need your help! My toybox is overflowing with new goodies but I can't choose what to review first. I'm horrible at making decisions (never ask me where we should go for dinner... you may be waiting for 3 days for an answer), so I'm letting you dudes and dudettes make the choice for me. So watch my little video below and vote for your favorite toy!

The best buy pussy? Don't make me laugh while I cum.

Sure, this thing made me cum, but is that really saying anything? I mean, there are very few thing on this Earth that don't make me cum when I lube up my wang and groove inside of it. Among them are rolls of sandpaper and badger's mouths (too rough for MEAT BALL). Quite frankly, the best buy pussah is strictly amateur hour when it comes to strokers.

Okay, so a new sex toy showed up on my desk and I thought I'd take it home and review the fuck out of it, which would also involve fucking the fuck out of it. What I didn't know was that I didn't even need to fuck the fuck out of it, because it fucked the fuck out of me first!

Let me explain.

In case you degenerate fuckos are too poor to afford HBO, I’ve got a news flash for you: Anna Paquin, the absolutely sexalicious star, finally shows her nearly-perfect twin headlights while she gets into some dirty, vampire grief sex with her bloodsucking BF. I say finally, but it’s not like she went all Mary Louise Parker on us and made us wait four plus years. But, still it’s fucking significant man.