Hey! We made this movie! That means that you should totally go buy it, regardless of what this review says. Even though the review turns out to be pretty favorable. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "wait, you guys made this movie. Of course you're gonna give it a favorable review!", and you're right. But it's not because we're boastful people. It's because this movie really is freaking great. And we know firsthand, because we were the ones who made it so great. For serious.
Hey, we're not afraid to say that something we made sucks. We're mature enough to admit defeat. We just don't put our names on those particular sucky products. Not that The Delinquents is one of them. That shit's pure fucking pornographical gold. For serious.
Man, I love boasting!
I know it seems slightly out of character for us, but we're presenting a video that wasn't shot last year. Nor was in shot two years ago, or even three. As a matter of fact, the video you're about to watch (or may have already watched) was shot just last freaking week. Weird, huh?
See, we got this email from a guy asking about why we don't have new videos so often any more, so we decided to, y'know, try to make some videos in a more timely fashion. And, as luck would have it, yenna happened to be in our ofice with a porno movie she'd recently watched, called Phone Fucks.
Serendipity. Or something quite like it.
Hey, the Lebowski spoof came out! And we watched it! And it was pretty good! And we made a short video of us talking about it! Hey!
Alright, even though you should totally go watch this review and enjoy the fuck out of it, I'll tell you right now, Pornstar Tweet fuckin' suuuuuuuuucks. It's just about the lowest-possible quality porn that you can get, and that's really saying something. It's the kind of movie that makes you feel like an asshole for watching it, and that goes double if you're already an asshole, like we are!
Okay, groovers...as promised on Tuesday (or threatened, depending on how you look at it), we're back with part 2 of BUCKTON and Ball's review of what's sure to be remembered as Brad Armstrong's magnum opus, the futuristic thrill ride of fuck known as 2040. It's nearly awards season, and you can bet your goddamn fuckin' ass that this thing's gonna be scoopin' up a shitload of them shits. Guran-fuckin-teed. Not that I have any insider info on the AVN awards or anything. If I did, I'd rig that shit so we won everything, you know?
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Any of you groovetastic motherfuckers had the chance to check out 2040 yet? We gotta tell you. Though we love the fuck out of just about everybody at Wicked Pictures (both in front of the camera and behind), we haven't always counted their films among the greatest smut tht porn valley has to offer. Mostly it's because we're full-fledged soulless scumbags and their stuff can tend to be a little bit on the tame side sometimes. Plus, we usually don't really get down with condom porn. You know how it is.
Hey, it's Thursday! That means it's new video day, even though there have been a friggin' plethora of video-less thursdays lately. I know. We've been falling behind. I know. But fuck, man, we got a new video today, and this one's such a goddamn assault on your senses that your fuckin' eyes might burst. And then, after they've burst, blood, puss and cum may very well flow outward from your recently-ravaged ocular cavities! It's gonna be fuckin' nasty!
Seriously. Wear goggles.
FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS SHITZ, YA BITCH-ASS TRICKSTAZ!
You fuckaz ready to get jugged the fuck out? I sure hope so, becuase today's review is so goddamn jugg-tacular that you might find yourself thinkin' that you somehow got elected mayor of titt-city without knowing it. We're talkin' zoobs, fuckaz, because today, BUCKTON and Chloe are gonna be reviewing the fuck out of Boob-Stravaganza 15.
And, you know, shits with a title like BOOB-Stravaganza kind of have to be filed to the brim with jugg.
Happy Tuesday to you, you motherfucking scumlords!
I don't know how many of you witnessed the recent title bout from Digital Sin, The Great American Squirt Off 2, but BUCKTON and Yenna were lucky enough to catch it, and they reviewed the fuck out of it, so you know whether not not this shit's worth watching! Or maybe not, since our two esteemed hosts found themsleves at odds regarding the movie. BUCKTON found it pretty unwatchable. Yenna liked it, and did the female version of whacking off to it.
Man...Dirty Harry's a freaking creepy looking dude. In fact, I might go so far as to say that he's the least appealing thing about today's movie, Heavy Loads, and that's really saying something, you know...considering the underlying theme of today's movie.
The underlying theme being...uh...you know...fat girls.
Hey fuckaz! It's review time again, and we ain't seen hide nor hair of yenna bear in a while, so it was time to round her up for another one of our "new-this-week" masterpieces that everybody loves so much. Today we'll be reviewing Megan Mallone's recent knob-jobbin' blow-o-rama entitled Suck it, in which a whole bunch of "its" get sucked (naturally). Having given Meggan a terrible review once before in the past, BUCKTON felt it necessary to groove some good vibes her way in today's review (which she totally deserved anyway, because dudes...she's fuckin' hot as fuckin' fuck in this one).
What up, fuckaz? Apparently, our
arrogance awesomeness knows no bounds, and you get to reap the motherfuckin' benefits of it! As we mentioned on Tuesday, that new porno movie that we made was just too god damned righteous to be contained within the boundaries of one paltry video review. We tried and tried, but it just wouldn't fit. BUCKTON and Aaralyn were just having too much fun. So, today, it's time to feast on act II of the POPPORN review!
As you're well aware, we make it our mission to seek out the latest and greatest porno that the adult film industry has to offer so that we may view it, review it and give you the straight dope on whether or not it's any good. Sometimes we come across a goldmine of sexual genius. Sometimes it's a sucktastic whopper of shittiness. And sometimes....perhaps only once in a lifetime...we come across a life-changing pornographic experience like the movie that's we're reviewing today.
In the interest of full disclosure, let us say that we are in no way affiliated with the directors, stars, producers or crew of this movie. We just found this DVD on Bangs' desk and it ended up being awesome.
Dudes! Kate Hate's back! Feast on that!
Where's Kate been? France! Why's she been gone for the better part of a year? We don't know! Shit, even if we did know, we probably wouldn't tell you. Why? Because mystery's sexy, that's why! Anyway, who the fuck cares, the important thing is that Kate's back, her zoobs are hanging out, and she's grooving out with BUCKTON for a new review of Wicked Pictures new mega-fuck-thing called House of Wicked!