Listen. That Brady Bunch show was a pile of shit. You know it and we know it. It's fucking unwatchable. Same deal with the Shelley Long remake. It's unfunny and lame, even for the shit standards of its heyday. Lucky for us all, Hustler and X-Play grooved the idea into their brains to update this crapfest with something worth watching. Namely, red-hot fuckin'. It was a brilliant idea, and it served them real fuckin' well over the past year. So well, in fact, that they thought it was worth sequel-izing with the new Not the Bradys XXX: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

If you watched Tuesday's video (and if you didn't, go ahead. We'll wait.), then you'd know that we promised you that Stevie Hart would jettison some clothing during the course of the next video. Well, the video is here. And jettison she did.

What's going on, fuckaz? It's time to get freaky! Or, as BUCKTON and Nicole found out, it's actually not time to get freaky, thanks to Digital Playground's new semi-snoozer, Katsuni: Sexual Freak 10.

Hey, sportsfans! Buckton's back with more recommendations for your sorry ass, and he's got Yenna with him, so shut up and groove on it! This week's pick is Elegant Angel's recent fuck-bonanza, entitled Sporty Girls, which you can enjoy even if you're a lazy, sport-hating glutton, like many of us.

Boy. Porn's sure come a long way since the 90's huh? Case in point: Vampirass. This "classic" smut film from 1992 (or 1993, we're not sure) is as weak on story as it is on sex. For one thing, there's no fuckin' vampires. What the shit? Maybe spending so much time with proper feature porn like Roller Dollz and Pirates 2 has made us expect a little bit too much. But Christ, the least they could do is cast a one or two girls that are at least somewhat pretty.

For the first time (and probably the last), POPPORN.com thought it might be a good idea to review a non-pornographic film, and boy was it a mistake. Sure, this might have worked out well if we tried to review something awesome like Wall-E or Kill Switch or something, but oh, no. We had to go and pick (no offense to the filmmakers) a piece of shit like Red Room.

It's not every day that you get to review the biggest porn movie of all time. Let's face it, "biggest movies of all time" only get made every three or four years, so when a record-smashing, high-octane, skeleton-fest like this one comes along, we gotta jump on this shit like hot shit on a shit-collector's floor. And that means it's your duty to watch it. Right? Right? Right?

Plus, we conned Stoya into reviewing it with BUCKTON. So that's pretty fuckin' cool, too.

Okay, everybody knows that roller derby's fuckin' stupid right? Well, somebody forgot to tell Zero Tolerance, because they went and partnered up with Adam & Eve Pictures to make their very first feature, and what did they base the story on? That's right, fucking roller derby!

But you know what? Thank the Shrike that they did, because goddamn it if Roller Dollz isn't fucking awesome.

Some of you may remember Azrael. You may remember her from that time that she got sick and all her clothes fell off. You may remember her from that time she got bored and all her clothes fell off. You may even remember her from that ill-fated girl-party that Buckton tried to sneak into and then eventually got into but by the time he got in it was too late and he ended up doing meth and whacking off to porno with that guy who Meat Ball got in a fight with.

Well, she's back, and this time, she talks!

This week, BUCKTON and the long-lost Lexi LaVey are reuniting to share their feelings on 3rd Degree's recent MILF flick, The Cougar Club. This film's got lots of meaty and mature vaginas in it, as well as a good deal of partly-clothed sex (with Buckton loves), headache-inducing camerawork (which Lexi hates) and two scenes starring James "two-scene" Deen (who is Buckton's "boy", in case you didn't know).

This week's review is a classy-as-fuck number from New Sensations called Addicted 4. It's got ladies in beautiful evening gowns, tables with mirrors on top of 'em that aren't being used for snorting blow (tres fuckin' classy), and dudes like Tommy Gunn and Mick Blue wearing well-tailored dress shirts and shit like that.

It also has classy babes like Ashlynn Brooke, Jenna Haze, and Sasha Grey (who's sporting a classy mound of vagina hair)!

This movie was so mothershittin' classy, in fact, that we felt we had to de-class it a bit. So we made sure your hosts had broken spines and herpes.

That took the prestige right out of there, didn't it?

Damn it, how could anyone not love Manuel? Sure, we talk a lot about Spears, St. Croix, Stone, and Gunn (because they're all 100% awesome!), but when you wanna see a dude really put some romance and class into a babe's vagina, you gotta go with the...um..."French Stallion" (?), Manuel Fucking Ferrara. He's got chutzpah, panache, a handsome face, a god-like physique and even a top-heavy mound of pubic hair. Believe that shit, it takes some real balls to sport a man-muff like that in today's smut world.

We're about to whack you over the fuckin' noggin with a whole god damn fuckin' lot of NEW.

First of all, we've got a NEW review of Digital Playground's NEW movie, Control 9, starring their NEW contract girl, Gabriella Fox (which should be a major selling point, considering some of their other contract girls). And if that weren't enough, said review is being spearheaded by our NEW zoobatronic ladyfriend, Morgan (who's got some NEW commentary regarding Tommy Gunn's nutsack)!

Good fucking god. You're not gonna believe the mouth on this woman.

Aaralyn Barra, the most vulgar human being to ever be associated with POPPORN.com (and that's saying something) is back, and she's got a ton of awful shit to say. Aaralyn and Spock are reviewing Jay Sin's Anal Acrobats 2, one of the filthiest and gaping-est joints we've ever viewed, and while it may feature the most graphic anal-debauchery we've ever seen (or even imagined), the review is even worse.

We've been pretty lucky lately. Every movie we've taken the time to review for the past several weeks has been reasonably awesome, which makes our jobs a blast. That means is a double-drag when we come across a bonafide snoozer like Possessed.