What, is it fuckin' new contract star month around here or somethin' like that? I mean, what the fuck? I only ask because upon coming into the office the other day, my inbox was ravaged with announcements regarding new contract stars among high-class porno companies! Well, in truth, there were only two such announcements. One from Wicked and one from Digital Playground. But regardless, two announcements in one day...that's a lot, isn't it? Eh?

Before we start, I'll tell you what the best line in this whole video is. It's this: "You'll be fat...as a fuckin' fat retard."

So hey, remember how we said we were gonna milk at least one more episode of our web-video foolishness out of the footage we shot with Stoya last month? Well, fuck, dudes, here it is! In today's video, we'll speak a little bit more with Stoya about what's been going on with her since she disappeared off the face of the Earth last year. Not only that, but we'll also see her tits a little bit, which ought to be cool for you guys, because nobody's seen too much of them since she disappeared off the face of the Earth!

Also, you'll get to see footage of BUCKTON realizing how awful his dick smells! Pure comedy gold!

Hey, Stoya's back!

Kind of. Or not really, I guess. I mean, she's not back shooting new pornography or anything. But, heck, she is back on POPPORN, and that's really what matters to everybody out there, isn't it? No, it's not. But heck, we're gonna go ahead and believe it anyway.

Really? I mean, seriously?

Look, everyone has opinions about contract stars...some folks love em, some folks hate em. Truth is, we have no opinion whatsoever. We have other things to worry about like why Third Degree Films PresidentM and CEO Joey Wilson was at President Obama's health care speech last night and why on earth he felt like calling him a liar. That shit be banana's.

Bad girls know how to have fun. A truer statement could not be said in my opinion. In this outing the baddest of the bad from Digital Playground come out to play. Stoya, Shay Jordan and Gabriella Fox are joined by Serena Del Rio and Kelly Summer for some bad times. Look for plenty of blindfolds and shackles as these ladies take no prisoners in Bad Girls.

Digital Playground is showcasing the 2008 AVN Best New Starlet Stoya in her own Heat movie. This is only the second movie with that title to be released from them, the first being Jesse Jane’s. Stoya is featured in three scenes, including a boy/boy/girl to finish the movie. Priva, Nika Noir and Madison Scott fill out the rest of the cast. So get out of the kitchen if you can’t handle Stoya: Heat.

For some reason, whenever I hear the words "free agent", I think of the movie The Last Boy Scout, when some dude yells at Damon Wayans' pro-footballing protaganist Jimmy Dix, "Free agents ruin the god-damn game!"

Remember that whole debacle a little while back about The University of Maryland's plans to have a public screening of Pirates II (and not the awesome R-rated version)? Well, it seems to have inspired a similar incident at Carnegie Mellon University. We have to assume it's the inspiration, at least. If it weren't, shit, there'd be a chance that maybe a whole lot of college kids just like pornography, in which case we're all in a whole lot of trouble.

We're back with another installment of what we like to consider our companion piece to Us magazines, "Stars, They're Just Like Us!" You know, where they snap photos of big time celebrities doing things that well, most any human being living in a first world country might find themselves doing.

Even if you're not a smut-crazed (and probably coke-addled) porno freak like the POPPORN staff and most of it's readership, there's a good chance that you've heard about the plans made by the University of Maryland student union to publicly screen the mega-blockbuster smut-film-to-end-all-smut-films-until-the-sequel, Pirates: Stagnetti's Revenge.

Boy, that was one fucking hell of a run-on sentence, huh?

Here we are, 800 nodes strong, and what better young face to help us celebrate that shit than Riley Steele, of Digital Playground fuck fame? Riley sat down (reluctantly, we assure you) with BUCKTON and Jacobs for a quick one on one Q&A, along with a few general threats to her well being (which ended up getting BUCKTON ejected, but that's another story).

Listen. In case you haven't guessed by our endless Avengers references, Twin Peaks homages or stories about fictional characters we'd like to groove our wangs into...most of the POPPORN staff are fucking nerds. I mean, we're still way cooler than you (obviously), but we'll admit it...we're geeks. We just as soon whack off to the Borg Queen as Lexi Belle, and we're comfortable with that.

No offense, Lexi.

What's going on, fuckaz? It's time to get freaky! Or, as BUCKTON and Nicole found out, it's actually not time to get freaky, thanks to Digital Playground's new semi-snoozer, Katsuni: Sexual Freak 10.

It's not every day that you get to review the biggest porn movie of all time. Let's face it, "biggest movies of all time" only get made every three or four years, so when a record-smashing, high-octane, skeleton-fest like this one comes along, we gotta jump on this shit like hot shit on a shit-collector's floor. And that means it's your duty to watch it. Right? Right? Right?

Plus, we conned Stoya into reviewing it with BUCKTON. So that's pretty fuckin' cool, too.

By now, you're all aware of Stoya™'s status as a big-time contract performer with Digital Playground, clearly one of the classiest (if not the apex of class) porno outfits around. They make smut that's so goddamn classy that they don't even need you to watch it, but you should go ahead and watch it anyway. Why? Because it's classy, big-time smut that will make you a better person just by whacking off to it (and because some of it's full of fuck-crazed Pirates, which is second only to ghost fucking, which we haven't seen from them yet (hint, hint)).

You're probably wondering, why all the accolades? Well, we'll admit it. We're plugging the hell out of Digital Playground. Yes, it's because we truly and honestly love the smut they produce (seriously, we group-whacked to Shay Jordan: Video Nasty just this afternoon), but it's also because we're incredibly fucking grateful to the studio for letting Stoya star in our first silent film!