Man, we thought China was finally getting something right. I mean, sure, they managed to set glorious new standards in human rights and air-quality (unless I read the newspaper backwards, which I very well could have), but man...they've been behind the fuckin' ball on sexual awareness for a while now. It was looking like they were set to make some incredible strides in the public-sexuality forums, when they announced the creation of Love Land, a new theme park devoted to the carnal arts. But then they had to go and fuck the thing up by smashing it all down, before the fucking thing even opened! Try that one on for size, motherfuckers!

Imagine that your husband had hired a private investigator to find out if you had been sneaking around with other men. And suppose that the investigator followed you and watched you and your employer enter a parking garage. Imagine that he saw the two of you enter your boss' automobile, and noticed that the car didn't pull away, and instead, began shaking. Imagine that he saw you step out of the car with your boss' penis in your mouth.

Do you think it would make a difference that his penis was no longer attached to his body? I do.

Ladies, check your hair ties. Made in China? Discard immediately, unless you want a nasty case of Asian VD.

Reports are surfacing from multiple places across that vast, sexually repressed land that enterprising environmentalists have been manufacturing hair ties using USED, ABUSED, and/or faulty prophylactics.

W. T. F.??