According to the email I got, if you like porn stars, Vegas or dirt cheap products, you're gonna love the service I'm about to outline. Of course, if you'd ask me, I'd say that if you like porn stars, Vegas and dirt cheap products, you're probably a dirtbag, but that's beside the point.
I was supposed to write an article today about some thing called the Naughty App Store. They sent us a press release and stuff that explained their site and what it does and everything and we thought it could be useful to let our reader(s) know about it. Or at the very least it would give us something to write about, because, y'know, content is king and shit. But then one of the guys in the room next to us offered us this thing called cronuts, and everything else went out the window.
Sorry, Naughty App Shop, you can't fuck with a cronut!
It's a quiet day here at POPPORN. There's no noteworthy adult industry news happening at the moment (and there actually won't be until this Saturday when Joanna Angel carries out the big murder-suicide she's been planning for the past few years). so we figure it's our duty to inform you of an opportunity to buy really cheap porno and sex toys, courtesy of our good friends at TLA RAW.
Listen, I don't know what the fuck measure B is. I don't live in California, where I have the option of voting on the way porn gets made. I live in Pennsylvania, where nothing matters at all, except whether or not we have enough Tastykakes or Phillies games (and we don't, on both fronts). Aside from dealing with the rampant and uncontrollable fraud at polling stations, people like me hardly ever have to worry about anything that even resembles dealing with real issues.
Yesterday, the citizens of North Carolina voted against two dudes being able to marry each other. While I'm seeing lots of people on the internet crying foul and raging about intolerance and injustice, I thought that maybe there's a positive spin to be seen (although I suppose this was a positive for the 60% that voted that way). I thought to myself that maybe POPPORN should travel to NC and use our status as a traveling sovereign nation (granted to us by ex-president Jimmy Carter back in 2007) to perform legally-binding gay marriages to anyone who'd want them. We love to spread the love, especially if we'd be able to film and sell the honeymoon footage.
But when I brought it up to Bangs, he said it was a stupid idea and suggested instead that we begin a new business venture performing unlicensed surgeries. Because having spent years of our lives watching people do awful, awful things to their bodies (and having a rudimentary knowledge of human biology), we feel pretty qualified to turn the medical field on it's ear. So, I guess it's on.
One of the best parts about working in the adult industry is how desensitized to the whole thing you become. It's as if sex devolves into just another hum-drum part of life with as much shock and awe as an episode of The Golden Girls. Sure, there are moments of sparked curiosity but ultimately, the events pass by with no real consequence like so many of Blanche's slutty one-liners.
I suppose the people of the world, when faced with a problem they wish to confront, must use the tools at their disposal. For instance, a carpenter might find a way to use their woodworking skills to better the lives of those they wish to help, perhaps by building homes or bridges. A filmmaker may use their gifts for communication and illumination to inspire and educate the public about a given cause. A soldier-of-fortune may use his or her skills of kick-ass and maxing-the-envelope to strategically whomp on an enemy's ass in order to better the lived of those around them.
And surely, no one can deny that Bree Olson's most prominent skill set (at least seen in the public arena) is her sexuality.
If there's one thing we believe in, it's Rick Santorum. Well, that and reporting on things that have little to nothing to do with porn. But hey, that's how we do.
Guys are creepy and they be creepin' on you all the time.
So, you’ve been telling the dame/dude you’ve been trying to bang that you’re a film producer AND that you donate to charity? Prior to July of this year, you’d be fucked, or rather, not fucked… ever. So don’t fret, you lying bastard, SupportAPorn.Com is here!
SupportAPorn.com is a innovative new website while allows you have your name listed in the credits of a full length porno (for a measly 5 bucks a frame) without doing jack shit, right up my alley! But wait! There’s more, in addition to being hurled into the lavish and decadent life of a porn producer (pussy literally will line the walls of your home*) the money collected from the site actually goes to do some good!
Folks, it's no joke that content piracy and free porn on the internet is slowly starving the adult industry. That's why when we stumbled across this shirt, we felt it necessary to let you all know. Do you have what it takes to save smut?
We've placed our order!
We understand that we're relatively new to the adult industry as far as shooting porn goes. It's only been 2 years and hell, it's not even our career. If anything, it's a hobby that we only moderately invest our time into. However, it doesn't change the fact that it stings every time we don't win an award.
As we mentioned, we're heading out to Las Vegas for the AEE/AVN Convention. Thus, we're not gonna be around the shop for the next couple of days. We'll see you next week when we start groovin' you out on new video footage, photos and more. Until then, stay upright.
For regular daily updates of a more absurd nature, be sure to follow MEAT BALL.
While we tend to be pretty indifferent about the holiday, there seems to be a ton of folks that get misty eyed and nostalgic with the passing of each year. So for what it's worth, we're perfectly happy to say, Happy New Years to you and yours from POPPORN.com.