The Fort Myers News-Press in wacky Florida reported that the Department of Juvenile Justice fired 12 detention officers for using state computers to view porn Web sites. D.J.J. Secretary Frank Peterman said the sites featured adult porn and he stressed that no children were exposed to the materials. Frank, they're already in juvie, they've been exposed to worse.

A newsstand changes its policies and prisoners suffer. In England, inmates will no longer be able to get softcore porn mags in their cells because retailer W.H. Smith has stopped stocking them. Previously, if mags passed the W.H. Smith test, they were allowed behind bars. Prisoners are now lobbying to have the W.H. Smith test replaced by the Spock Buckton test.

Also in England, some 40,000 porn DVDs, weighing nearly two tons - talk about two tons of fun - were confiscated across Westminster, reports 24dash.com, by licensing inspectors. It's all part of a crackdown on sleaze in Soho.

"Gee, the balls sure look different in rugby."

That was what New Zealand TV viewers must have been saying when a game was interrupted by almost four minutes of porn that accidentally migrated over from a pay-per-view channel. Parents were of course outraged by the mistake which allowed innocent eyes to view a portion of "Desperate Black Wives 2." Fans of porn thought it was wrong to show the sequel first.

Channel 6 in Central Florida reported that a 14-year-old boy broke into Palm Bay home and ordered $129 worth of porn movies on the family's television, police said. According to Palm Bay police, the family found the boy watching TV when they returned home from shopping. $129? How long were they out?

According to the Shanghai Daily News, a Chinese man, Teng, downloading porn was surprised to see hidden camera footage of he and his wife having sex in a rural motel in Panyu, China. He complained to the police. Made news all over the country. Turns out it was a different couple. In a different motel. Speaking a different language. Yeah, but they fuck the same. The motel manager is now thinking about suing Teng for making his business look bad. Meanwhile, a sauna manager in Shanghai, tells the paper that hidden cameras are common throughout China in gyms, locker rooms, saunas and bathrooms - for fire safety and security.

So you can see the absolutely clearest porn possible, Digital Playground has upgraded its cameras with the 12 mega-pixel Red One assuring every porn fan that the cum shots will look more real than your own.

In Denver, Jeff and Vicki Mead had their business renting ATVs shut down by angry neighbors complaining about damage to their property. CBS4 Denver reports that in the window of their now-vacant storefront the Meads have put up a sign reading "Coming Soon! Patterson XXX Porn Gallery." Howdy neighbors!

Michigan is looking to boost its film production by offering rebates on spending done in the state. According to the Detroit Free Press, however, there are two caveats: No movies that make Michigan look bad and no porn. What the hell else kind of production would shoot there?

The Northern Territory News from Australia seems shocked to report that illegal Indonesian fisherman (Australia's version of tunneling Mexicans, wait, did I just offend anyone?) have been watching porn on computers while in custody at the Darwin Immigration Detention Center. What's the surprise? Most of these teenagers hail from the island of Roti, where they live in shacks without electricity...

In Skelleftea, Sweden, UPI reports that a policeman has been docked five days' pay after he was accused of harassment by a former porn star. It seems that the woman was at a party at the police station when the cops started watching a porn film that she made nearly 20 years ago. Harassment ensued...

The new novel from Chuck Palahniuk ("Fight Club") is the well-researched "Snuff," about a retiring porn star who decides to end her career by setting a Gang Bang record, fucking 600 guys. What, no pictures? Hell, we're not even sure if that would be a record anymore...

WVEC-TV in Virginia reported that a woman at a Williamsburg Target thought she was buying a cartoon for her son and instead bought him a DVD of gay porn. Sort of puts to rest the whole nature or nurture argument. It's unclear whether the DVD was mislabeled, mispackaged or the woman mistakenly thought she was buying "Titan Man" and instead bought a film from Titan Media (or maybe it was a man sheathed in a Titan)...