Happy Tuesday to you, you motherfucking scumlords!

I don't know how many of you witnessed the recent title bout from Digital Sin, The Great American Squirt Off 2, but BUCKTON and Yenna were lucky enough to catch it, and they reviewed the fuck out of it, so you know whether not not this shit's worth watching! Or maybe not, since our two esteemed hosts found themsleves at odds regarding the movie. BUCKTON found it pretty unwatchable. Yenna liked it, and did the female version of whacking off to it.

Hey fuckaz! It's review time again, and we ain't seen hide nor hair of yenna bear in a while, so it was time to round her up for another one of our "new-this-week" masterpieces that everybody loves so much. Today we'll be reviewing Megan Mallone's recent knob-jobbin' blow-o-rama entitled Suck it, in which a whole bunch of "its" get sucked (naturally). Having given Meggan a terrible review once before in the past, BUCKTON felt it necessary to groove some good vibes her way in today's review (which she totally deserved anyway, because dudes...she's fuckin' hot as fuckin' fuck in this one).

Never let it be said that we don't like dialing it up. Sure, you can be dialed "in" standard-like, but when POPPORN.com gets involved, that shit gets dialed UP! That's why we've started offering weekly Podcasts starring some of your favorite POPPORN folks and now which you can listen to here or on your iTunes and now you can watch our live POPPORN.com Webcasts when we're shooting our NEW THIS WEEK REVIEWS!

Hey, who likes watching nurses get screwed? Everybody, that's who! At least that's what the folks at Smash Pictures seem to think, and honestly, we can't argue with 'em too much, because, well...watching nurses get fucked is a lot of fun! See for yourself! Today's review is brought to you by an ever-beardening BUCKTON and an ever blonde-hair-regrowening yenna (who totally passed me this morning on the street and didn't even say hi. What the fuck? We made eye contact and everything! What the fuck? I mean, I didn't say hi either, but still...what the fuck?).

Yo fuckaz! It looks like you got somethin' stuck in your troat (that's not a typo)! It's our new-as-fuck review of the movie Throat: A Cautionary Tale (pronounced "troat"), which is a remake re-imagining of the classic (and way better) movie, Deep Troat (again, not a typo).

What with all the Las Vegas shenanigans and other shits going on around here, it feels like it's been fucking forever since we had a good, old-fashioned "new this week" video to cram down your throats, you know? Our cum-crusted red curtain was starting to get a little nasty, and if we left it sitting on our office floor any longer, we'd probably end up feeling the need to wash it. So we thought fuck that, and we busted the thing out for a brand-new fuck-film-recommendation-session (or "rec-sesh", if you will). Joining Spock for this week's review is a newly-shorn yenna bear, who's sporting an awesome new THX/Lobot kind of look that we're loving the fuck out of.

Hey, sportsfans! Buckton's back with more recommendations for your sorry ass, and he's got Yenna with him, so shut up and groove on it! This week's pick is Elegant Angel's recent fuck-bonanza, entitled Sporty Girls, which you can enjoy even if you're a lazy, sport-hating glutton, like many of us.

This week's review is a classy-as-fuck number from New Sensations called Addicted 4. It's got ladies in beautiful evening gowns, tables with mirrors on top of 'em that aren't being used for snorting blow (tres fuckin' classy), and dudes like Tommy Gunn and Mick Blue wearing well-tailored dress shirts and shit like that.

It also has classy babes like Ashlynn Brooke, Jenna Haze, and Sasha Grey (who's sporting a classy mound of vagina hair)!

This movie was so mothershittin' classy, in fact, that we felt we had to de-class it a bit. So we made sure your hosts had broken spines and herpes.

That took the prestige right out of there, didn't it?

Hey Yenna. You totally gotta see this new video we made. It's totally hilarious and everything and you're gonna love it. It totally has nothing to do with your birthday, we swear. It's a video about BUCKTON fist-fighting a lion and then getting jizzed on by a guy dressed as a lion. You're gonna love it!

(This is a surprise, everybody. She thinks she's watching some hilarious hijinks, but it's actually a birthday video. Don't nobody fuckin' spoil it!)

We've been pretty lucky lately. Every movie we've taken the time to review for the past several weeks has been reasonably awesome, which makes our jobs a blast. That means is a double-drag when we come across a bonafide snoozer like Possessed.

Stop right there!

If you ain't watched part one yet, get the fuckin' fuck back there and see what your sorry ass missed. This thing ain't gonna make sense without it!

Of course, truth be told, it probably won't make all that much sense either way. But we got Spock going incognito, MEAT BALL puking, a couple of nice zoobatroggin' titzahs and some of the bitchinest comedy in town.

Ever wonder what the ladies of POPPORN do when they're not doing shirtless porno reviews with Monsieur BUCKTON? We wondered, too. Especially after BUCKTON overheard some plans for a booze-fueled, pill-poppin' all-girl party.

It turns out that these girls spend their leisure time doing exactly what you'd imagine they'd be doing: drinking, smoking weed, lounging in lingerie, watching porno, making out, and occasionally discussing the early works of Werner Herzog (though that particular discussion was far too hardcore for our site. Gapes aplenty...).

Amazing, isn't it? In between our boozed-filled dance parties and drug-riddled sex parties, we scumbangers here at POPPORN still find the time to review a new porno movie. This week, we'll be putting the proverbial screws to Naughty America's My Sister's Hot Friend 12.

Yesterday, our yenna bear was wandering Philadelphia. See, she had to kill some time before she came to the POPPORN.com offices to shoot her next webisode review (in a tutu no, less). Well, yenna texted us from the book store when we suggested that she do two things:

1. Purchase Justine, or the Misfortunes of Virtue by the Marquis De Sade.
2. Pop off to the bathroom and snap a shot for us pinching her nipple.

Needless to say, yenna bear is a team player and that's why we love her.

Oh, also because she's a lot prettier than you...

Do dogs have green cum? Spock thinks so, but Yenna knows the fuggin' truth. What's that have to do with our review of Bullets and Burlesque? Fucked if we know, but it sure makes a good opening line, huh?