We recently cracked open Smash Pictures' new Halloween XXX Parody, figuring it would be a totally bad-ass flick that we could totally whack off to. I mean, there's bad-ass movies and there's totally boss-fuckin' bad-ass movies, if you know what I mean. We figured this would be in the latter category. The most bad-ass of bad-ass, if you will.
Little did we know, the movie would be so fuckin' weird! Check out this exclusive clip for a sample. Smash Pictures, your porno's broke!
Something goofy is happening again. Earlier today, we tried to sit down and have a collective office whack-off to that new movie from Belladonna. We've always enjoyed her work, and always found whacking off to it to be a great way to whittle away a lazy September afternoon. More than ever now that she's performing again, in fact. But then we popped Dick Sauce into the DVD player, and, well...something just wasn't right here. Watch the video and see.
Also, the movie's name is all wrong. There's, like, no sauce at all in the whole thing. I would have called it Tiger Muffs or Mega Cat Fuck or something like that.
Hey New Sensations, your porno's broke!
We spent yesterday watching Dear Abby, the recent installment of New Sensations' Romance series. While it had some decent fuck action in it, the story spent way too much time dealing with suckers whining about whether or not they could find true love. Seriously, they should call this movie "Dear Blabby", there's so much jeep-honkin' yackin' goin' on in this thing!
Who wants to watch that? Not us, that's for sure.
So, if you weren't aware, Lethal Hardcore recently bestowed a movie upon all of us entitled...ahem...Blumpkin Blowjobs. For those of you who know what a blumpkin is, you can certainly understand why this movie's so fucking gross and in such dire need of an conceptual reboot.
Hey, we just watched this This Ain't Hawaii Five-0 XXX movie, and boy was it fucked up! Instead of talkin' about hanging ten, bustin' perps and gettin' fucked (as one would expect from a porn parody of this caliber), they seemed to spend the majority of the movie talking about obscure curiosites like Aerosmith and poo. See the video (above) for an example.
I think the only thing they did right was casting Jack Lawrence as a cop (in a nice display of casting against type). You fucked up, Stuart Canterbury!
Hey, Lee Roy Myers. We just watched that Pron movie you made. While it had some kick-ass performances in it, we gotta say...this movie had some big script problems. Lucky for you, since you and POPPORN are bound to one another until death, we figured we have the right (and perhaps the duty) to go ahead and fix your movie.
For those who aren't in the know, Pron: The XXX Parody is a porno spoof based on the Tron film franchise. The story revolves around a guy called Tony Rosano who has to deal with glowers, lady glowers, grizzles, light-up frisbees and poo. The film features music by Hype Jones, which is a pretty good reason to watch the movie right here.
It is happening again. We've stumbled across yet another pornographic film featuring, shall we say, sub-par and somewhat odd choices in dialogue. Now, far be it from me to judge the choices made by a true smut-teur (see how I combined smut and auteur, there?) like Robby D., but this scene from A Job For Jenna just seemed, well, weird. Instead of focusing on the raw sexuality that these performers bring to the screen, the scene revolves around an argument between Jenna Haze and Jennifer White about who's a better runner (and subsequently, who is a better barfer).
Your porno's broke, Digital Playground. FIx that shit.
Welcome to our new video series, entitles Your Porno's Broke!. It's our new forum for exposing porno movies with poor quality control. Specifically, audio irregularities.
So, uh, we got our screener copies of jessica drake's Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio the other day, and naturally, being big fans of wang-suckin', we popped it in and watched a bit. Now, this isn't exactly a complaint, but I gotta say, we were surprised by what we saw. Since the movie is marketed as an instructional blowjob video, we expected to hear a lot about, well, blowjobs. Instead, the movie was mostly footage of porn performers talking about the oft-reviled (but actually the best) Star Wars film, Attack of the Clones.
Watch the video. See for yourself.