I'm gonna go ahead and let you know right off the bat that I pulled you into this article under false pretenses. Allie Haze did not, in fact, embezzle anything from Vivid. But I needed to write a short piece about the contract star's departure from HirschCo. and I needed something with a little bit more pizazz than "Allie Haze leaves vivid in effort to pursue more diverse visability", which was how the official press release put it.
Plus, I'm not 100% sure what "more diverse visability" means. I think it's a classy way of saying Vivid only makes porn for white people, but I could be wrong about that. Anyway, Allie Haze has parted ways with Vivid. Boom!
It's been at least four or five hours since we openly suggested that each and every one of our readers show their support for disgraced Pennsylvania senator (and current Presidential hopeful) Rick Santorum. The egg timer in our office had gone off and we were just arguing about who was going to write this week's Santorum enthusiasm column when we stumbled upon this great little video from a few good friends of ours in the pornographic film industry. It turned out that they did our job for us, at least for one week.
Okay, Vivid finished shooting their big-time moneymaker for the year, the Star Wars XXX Parody. I don't know what the official name is, probably "That's Not Star Wars XXX: The XXX Parody NOT" or something like that. Anyway, a handful of pictures got slammed onto the web recently, and while I still feel like I should hate this movie with all of my being, I gotta admit, the idea of watching Princess Leia getting banged out is pretty enticing.
I'd like to say that I could deny myself that particular fantasy, but I can't. I'm going to enjoy watching that scene. As an American male in his early 30's, Leia was most likely one of the first fictitious character to ever inspire a boner in me, and since you have to pay most ladies extra to dress up like her, this is the first time I'll get any type of satisfaction regarding that particular fantasy scenario. Which should be enjoyable, at least for a little while.
Welcome to our new video series, entitles Your Porno's Broke!. It's our new forum for exposing porno movies with poor quality control. Specifically, audio irregularities.
So, uh, we got our screener copies of jessica drake's Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio the other day, and naturally, being big fans of wang-suckin', we popped it in and watched a bit. Now, this isn't exactly a complaint, but I gotta say, we were surprised by what we saw. Since the movie is marketed as an instructional blowjob video, we expected to hear a lot about, well, blowjobs. Instead, the movie was mostly footage of porn performers talking about the oft-reviled (but actually the best) Star Wars film, Attack of the Clones.
Watch the video. See for yourself.
Hey, lookit that! Allie Haze is on our site!