You may remember this quote from a few days ago. It was written here on this very site by Brian Bangs, editor-in-chief and general scumbag. He was postulating about whether or not it's necessary, suggested or even possible to do good in this world and suggesting instead that maybe we're all just better off looking at boobs and masturbating and so forth. While it's not for any of us to judge the validity of his claims, it appears someone didn't get the fuckin' memo, as just this morning we came across a press release announcing POPPORN's ex-friend jessica drake's intentions to raise money so that she can battle AIDS.
As you know, we work in the adult entertainment industry. So it's a very likely occurrence that on any given day, a handful of promotion material will pass through the POPPORN office, informing us about the up-and-coming what-have-you in the world of porno. And today we got a disc full of images from the upcoming Smash Pictures movie, Lesbian Romance.
As I say, this is what happens each day, and while we may stop and rub one out to the images we receive, we're very rarely actually shocked by what we see. But that changed today, because what the fuck is jessica drake doing in a Smash movie?
So, uh, the following beef got whomped onto twitter yesterday. We were looking for a rumored Jesse Jane/Bibi Jones beef, but couldn't find any relevant tweets. Luckily, this whole other beef started up just as we were getting frustrated. Apparently, Kristina Rose thought jessica drake blew her off at an airport and jessica was all "nuh-uh, but you pooed right on my stuff", so they ended up beefin' it out. Since we love the fuckin' fuck out of the two ladies involved, we certainly won't take any sides here.
Read the beef in full after the jump.
Welcome to our new video series, entitles Your Porno's Broke!. It's our new forum for exposing porno movies with poor quality control. Specifically, audio irregularities.
So, uh, we got our screener copies of jessica drake's Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio the other day, and naturally, being big fans of wang-suckin', we popped it in and watched a bit. Now, this isn't exactly a complaint, but I gotta say, we were surprised by what we saw. Since the movie is marketed as an instructional blowjob video, we expected to hear a lot about, well, blowjobs. Instead, the movie was mostly footage of porn performers talking about the oft-reviled (but actually the best) Star Wars film, Attack of the Clones.
Watch the video. See for yourself.
Well, I suppose all good things must come to an end. I suppose the same holds true for amazing things, groundbreaking things and magnificent things. Because, while POPPORN.com has been amazing, groundbreaking and magnificent in it's time (revolutionary and maverick, too), the writing's been splattered all over the wall: it's time to throw in the glove.
Hiiiiiiii! So, I still feel like I’m a newborn to porn, there is always something new and exciting that I stumble upon that can still amaze, shock and inspire me. However, one of those things is not anal sex. And that is only because everyone’s been gettin’ it in the butt since I’ve started watching so it's not really new now is it? Anal sex dominates the adult film industry, am I right? I may be wrong, but from what I can see, I'm not.
Now, if you happened to have seen the new Lady Gaga video for her song Telephone, the question above could pretty much be used in reference to absolutely anything happening during the nine minute video-aneurysm. We haven't been this baffled by a music video since R.Kelly's, Trapped in the Closet...which we fucking LOVED by the way..."Rosey the Nosey Neighbor"? C'mon, that shit was gold. And so, it's with equal excitement that we decree that Gaga's video rules just as hard.
Ok so we made that headline up. There are no confirmed reports that jessica drake has taken a ride on that juggernaut of neurosis and comic timing that is the manhood of Eugene Levy. But, they are definitely now in a movie together which means that jessica’s now just one degree of separation from, like, Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in the Kevin Bacon game. You go girl! (Incidentally, Eugene Levy is now just one degree of separation from Tommy Gunn which is pretty fucking awesome).
I think at this point, it's pretty clear that things are not going to work out between POPPORN and jessica drake. We've tried time and time again to get her to appear on our site, and the one or two times she has actualy graced us with her presence, she whomped us with so much goddamn 'tude that we could barely breathe.
I have been accused a time or two of being one crafty son of a bitch. I seem to have the ability to find things other people can't, get to places in record time or even find an entire group of fuck makers (producers, performers, camera guys and starlets) in the valley, get them to buy me drinks and get my "rate" increased to $9000 (or two burritos and a tall can of cheap American beer) a scene just by sending one text message. It is this ability to get shit done that has lead me to success in extensively reviewing porn star cooze with even the most brief encounter. This is an example of said skills.
Hey, guess what? We have a new contributor. Yep, it's true! See, running a blog takes a lot more than a willingness to work for free, and shattered dreams. It takes the help of people just like you! Well maybe not just like you, it helps if the "you" in question is interesting, funny, creative or at least hot. Lucky for us, our new contributor Christina fits all them there bills. You may know Christina, she runs an adult industry review site called AIPdaily. We thought it might be a nice addition to our team to have someone who actually watches the movies they review (I'm looking at you BUCKTON) spend some time telling you why you might want to check out the sex flick we're talking about. Christina is just the lady. Her reviews are detailed, play by play assessments of some of the best fuck flicks on the market. So sit back and have a taste of PLAY BY PLAY WITH CHRISTINA!
Something you may or may not know about the POPPORN crew: we never, never travel anywhere without a camera. There's just too much goddamn gold going on the world to risk missing even a minute of it. So when a bunch of A-list pornographers take us out for a relaxing night on the town, you know we're gonna be weazing as much footage of them as we can. Whether they like it or not?
Does twitter hate porno? They just might, according to some shit I just read over at lukeford.com. Now, they broke this story a few days back, so maybe all this shit's been resolved by now, but word is, twitter's been suspending a shitload of "twitpic" accounts belonging to porno folks.
Did you ever realize that porn stars are just like you and me? No really, they are! They wake up in the morning on a bed made of money, they put on thousand dollar necklaces, they work a few hours per day having great sex and get invited to all the cool parties. Seriously, just like you and me!
It finally happened. We finally got Dana DeArmond on our site. We thought it would never happen, due to an argument we had a little while back (which we won't link to, because we're ready to movie on). But damn it, here she is and we love the fuck out of her.