Now, if you happened to have seen the new Lady Gaga video for her song Telephone, the question above could pretty much be used in reference to absolutely anything happening during the nine minute video-aneurysm. We haven't been this baffled by a music video since R.Kelly's, Trapped in the Closet...which we fucking LOVED by the way..."Rosey the Nosey Neighbor"? C'mon, that shit was gold. And so, it's with equal excitement that we decree that Gaga's video rules just as hard.

Ok so we made that headline up. There are no confirmed reports that jessica drake has taken a ride on that juggernaut of neurosis and comic timing that is the manhood of Eugene Levy. But, they are definitely now in a movie together which means that jessica’s now just one degree of separation from, like, Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in the Kevin Bacon game. You go girl! (Incidentally, Eugene Levy is now just one degree of separation from Tommy Gunn which is pretty fucking awesome).

I think at this point, it's pretty clear that things are not going to work out between POPPORN and jessica drake. We've tried time and time again to get her to appear on our site, and the one or two times she has actualy graced us with her presence, she whomped us with so much goddamn 'tude that we could barely breathe.

I have been accused a time or two of being one crafty son of a bitch. I seem to have the ability to find things other people can't, get to places in record time or even find an entire group of fuck makers (producers, performers, camera guys and starlets) in the valley, get them to buy me drinks and get my "rate" increased to $9000 (or two burritos and a tall can of cheap American beer) a scene just by sending one text message. It is this ability to get shit done that has lead me to success in extensively reviewing porn star cooze with even the most brief encounter. This is an example of said skills.

Hey, guess what? We have a new contributor. Yep, it's true! See, running a blog takes a lot more than a willingness to work for free, and shattered dreams. It takes the help of people just like you! Well maybe not just like you, it helps if the "you" in question is interesting, funny, creative or at least hot. Lucky for us, our new contributor Christina fits all them there bills. You may know Christina, she runs an adult industry review site called AIPdaily. We thought it might be a nice addition to our team to have someone who actually watches the movies they review (I'm looking at you BUCKTON) spend some time telling you why you might want to check out the sex flick we're talking about. Christina is just the lady. Her reviews are detailed, play by play assessments of some of the best fuck flicks on the market. So sit back and have a taste of PLAY BY PLAY WITH CHRISTINA!

Something you may or may not know about the POPPORN crew: we never, never travel anywhere without a camera. There's just too much goddamn gold going on the world to risk missing even a minute of it. So when a bunch of A-list pornographers take us out for a relaxing night on the town, you know we're gonna be weazing as much footage of them as we can. Whether they like it or not?

Does twitter hate porno? They just might, according to some shit I just read over at lukeford.com. Now, they broke this story a few days back, so maybe all this shit's been resolved by now, but word is, twitter's been suspending a shitload of "twitpic" accounts belonging to porno folks.

Did you ever realize that porn stars are just like you and me? No really, they are! They wake up in the morning on a bed made of money, they put on thousand dollar necklaces, they work a few hours per day having great sex and get invited to all the cool parties. Seriously, just like you and me!

It finally happened. We finally got Dana DeArmond on our site. We thought it would never happen, due to an argument we had a little while back (which we won't link to, because we're ready to movie on). But damn it, here she is and we love the fuck out of her.

Boy, there sure were a lot of big-time porno bigshots hanging out on the red carpet of the AVN awards, huh? Of course, it hardly needs to be said that the greatest stars of them all were BUCKTON (all caps) and drake (all lowercase). But you already knew that.

Um, who remembers the big porno thing that happened in Vegas a few weeks back? What was it called, ABM? ATM? Something like that?

Whatever it was, we're aware that most of you missed it. And we'll never forgive you, because POPPORN felt really fuckin' lonely while we were out there. But we managed to pull ourselves together and have one fucking hell of a great time anyway, thanks mostly to BUCKTON's extra-special co-host, the all lowercase porn sensation, jessica drake!

Maybe you heard that we covered the 2009 AVN Awards red carpet. You know, the red carpet where all the superstars of sin show up to look glamorous and talk the talk while walking the walk. Maybe what you didn't know tho' was that this very time last year, a few of us were sitting around discussing the idea for this here blog that you are now reading. Yup, we figured hell, we should start our own site and deal out a little hell raising with the best of them.

Okay. it looks like the POPPORN jet touched down safely in Las Vegas. Thank God it did, too, because we - wait, what? Yes, we have a jet. Of course we have a jet. What, do you think we travel by fucking hot air balloon or something? What kind of two-bit shitstorm do you think we're running here?

Wanna hear something pretty sweet?

Next week, the POPPORN.com crew will be heading off to lovely Las Vegas Nevada for the 2009 Adult Entertainment Expo. We have a very busy schedule of interviews and skits with some of the biggest names in the industry lined up and of course, we'll be blogging and twittering from the show like mad.

Stop right there, you motherfuckers! Before you watch this brilliant piece of guerrilla-style, avant-garde, groundbreaking, art-house, porn-laced cinema, you gotta drag your ass back and watch part one!

In part two of THE PORNOGRAPHASMIC PHILADELPHAZATRONIC POPPORNOMATIC EXPERIENCE, Spock and Meat are fed the fuck up with these west coast smut stars and their hifalutin' 'tudes. These fuckers have no goddamn work ethic, as you'll see when Spock and Meat force the big-time stars to ship porno in our warehouse!