Generally I wear lingerie around the house to keep cool in a hot kitchen or while performing other common house hold tasks. While cooking in my Decadence Break-Away Triangle Top and Panty Skirt I discovered the hazards of "one size fits most" lingerie design.

So, to catch you up...

We've broken up with Kimberly Kane because of her cheating ways. We've added a lovely new lady named Jack to the POPPORN roster and we're seriously considering jumping into a meaningless, torrid rebound affair with Ryan Keely. Look, don't try to talk us out of it. She's smarter than us, nerdier than us and kinda mean to us.

We interviewed Ryan Keely a few weeks ago and we've kind of loved her ever since. Something about the way she calls us nerds yet still loves playing Star Wars Monopoly did it for us. When Evolved Novelties hit the market and sent us pre-street samples for review, there were a couple of young ladies we thought could handle it...Ryan was certainly one of them...take it away Ryan...

"It doesn't look like I'm going to take dick on film," says Ryan Keely, kind of breaking our heart a little. The Seattle native, who used to work under the name Maria Menendez is "a bit of a control freak," and would want a contract in order to fuck guys on film, but feels that at 24 she's already too old to get one.

Psst. Ryan, if we had any money at all, we'd totally contract you up!