I don't really know about you guys, but here at POPPORN, we're digging the fuck out of that new Joanna Newsom album. It's boss as fuck, and it's, like, ten hours long! A true magnum opus. After hearing it, it was unanimously decided that we've got to get a interview with Madam Newsom up on our site as soon as possible. If we were lucky, she'd even break out the harp and croon out a few choice nuggets for us. if we were really, really lucky, she'd even get naked, as is the custom here at POPPORN. I mean, we're better looking than Bill Callahan, and she got down with him (and I'm talking downtown)!

Unsurprisingly, Joanna turned us down flat, and even took out a restraining order against Bangs. She's more than happy to appear on Jimmy Fallon's unfunny snooze-fest, but not on a somewhat well-regarded pornographic faux news site like ours? What's up with that?

Anyway, fuck it. We just went with the other Joanna instead. Because she gets what we're all about.

So, last night a homosexual friend of mine brought to my attention an article on Esquire's website about the lovely Ms. Taryn Thomas and the war between her version of Jersey Shore and ours. Check it out here - it's a good fuckin' read and you can browse their website for all kinds of awesome new kinds of push-ups that you'll never do, as well as learn about super expensive shaving creams that apparently blow you while you're shaving!!

While it was a helluva article, there were a few comments in there that we at POPPORN just had to take umbrage with so we took the initiative to re-write the damn thing to tell the whole truth.

Okay, the title of this video implies that everybody taking part in this thing was hammered. Personally, I wasn't there, so I can't really stand behind that accusation. I mean, I'm pretty sure BUCKTON was hammered for the whole awards show. i can't really say for sure whether or not Alektra and Kaylani are. You'll have to judge for yourself. Unless the two of them show up here at POPPORN and leave a bunch of comments and whatnot, which we all hope they will.

Anyway, as you see, this is the first batch of footage we cobbled together from the hot shit AVN Awards in January. Sure, it's not exactly timely, but who the fuck gives a fuck? Come on. Lots more to come. You wait and see.

You might have heard a little commotion over two adult parodies coming out that deal with the MTV television show, Jersey Shore. Here's the situation (oof, I can't believe I said "situation" when talking about Jersey Shore...or maybe I can.)...way back a couple of months ago (years in terms of porn) we here at POPPORN announced that we were gonna be writing and producing an adult spoof of that, now legendary, show with Zero Tolerance. Being that adult production companies are making porn parodies hand-over-fist these days, they have all gotten into the practice of announcing which shows they are, in a sense, "calling" to avoid any doubling up. It's a gracious practice and, for the most part, has kept the number of redundant parodies to a minimum.

Okay, folks. It's been a while since we had a new video up on our site. We've been slacking, and we understand that you may be pissed off at us. But god damn it...I swear to fuckin' God...this video's gonna make everything all right.

Hmm, a press release went around last week about some fella who impersonated Cliff Huxtable gearing up to win this years Best Non-Sex Role award at the 2010 AVN Awards. Well, we say FUUUUCK that. Thus, we decided to steal that press release and re-edit it to suit our needs. Clearly POPPORN's very own Spock BUCKTON should and will win the award for Best Non-Sex Role having played a truly unique and original character. He acted and looks exactly like himself...so...the press release...

SPOCK BUCKTON IS THE GREATEST NON-SEX PERFORMER IN ADULT HISTORY

Well...we're hard at work, frantically editing the fuck out of our latest magnum opus, How to Be a Ladies Man, and it's almost done. We're breaking our backs to find a way to meet our deadlines and still hit the streets to score all the necessary drugs to keep us from convulsing and shit, but we're doing it. The movie's not hitting the streets for another month and a half, so you've got some time to prepare yourself for the sexual onslaught awaiting you. And you can totally pre-order it now, for a mad cheap price.

So, while you're ordering and waiting...feast upon the fuckin' trailer!

Hey, guess who we ran into? Taryn fuckin' Thomas, that's who!

While we were hanging with Taryn, BUCKTON managed to apply that extra-swarthy charm we've all seen oozing out of him from time to time (and tried not to touch, obviously) to get the inside skinny on a whole fucking smorgasbord of pressing topics. Topics like Taryn's absence and subsequent return to pornorgaphy, butthole rippage (eee-yow), those annoying indie rock dudes who wear skinny jeans (you know who you are), and, well, cum.

We never get tired of talking about cum. How could we?

Holy fucking shit.

You know, it was only seven years ago that I was an unemployed college graduate, smoking tons and tons of weed, and not really knowing anything about porno other than the fact that it usually featured images of people fucking that I could use to masturbate to. Who knew that less than a decade later I'd not only work in the porno business, but actually be somehow connected to a movie that would somehow find itself up for a handful of the porn world's most noteworthy (as far as I know) awards?

Below, you will find a trailer for what we are calling, THE HOW TO BE A LADIES MAN PUSSY-GETTING PROGRAM. This "program" was developed by BUCKTON after he spent a weekend watching that show, "Pitchmen" for 72-hours straight. Billy Mays, you may be dead, but you seem to have been reborn inside our very own BUCKTON. Since then, Spock has talked about nothing else other than trying to land his very own self-help DVD and book deal. He insists his ideas are just as good as any mainstream infomercial on the market so...he's a man obsessed. Thus, we've allowed him this space to try and get funding for this project.

God damn it, we just fuckin' love Penny Flame around here.

She's sweet, she's friendly, she's a jokester of the highest caliber, she's goddamn awesome at pornographic film, and she's not easily annoyed by the antics of fools like us. It was hard to face the fact that she was getting out of the adult industry, but fuck it man, that's where she's at right now, and we wish her well.

Whoa, dudes!

I know everybody's getting all set to groove out and drink themselves into oblivion for the weekend (and I'm right there with you), but before we all head out into the bliss that is Friday, Saturday and Sunday, we've got a special surprise for you: pics from the set of our new porno movie!

As you most likely know, we're in the midst of production on our next blockbuster smut film, How to Be a Ladies Man! It's gonna be sexy as fuck, funny as shit, and most likely somewhat crude and uncouth (as is our way). BUCKTON and Bangs grooved themselves out to Los Angeles a few days ago to get the cameras rolling, and if these photos are any indication, things appear to moving along quite well indeed.

Alright, even though you should totally go watch this review and enjoy the fuck out of it, I'll tell you right now, Pornstar Tweet fuckin' suuuuuuuuucks. It's just about the lowest-possible quality porn that you can get, and that's really saying something. It's the kind of movie that makes you feel like an asshole for watching it, and that goes double if you're already an asshole, like we are!

But shit, BUCKTON and Morgan reviewed it anyway. And brought Morgan's dog along.

I had thought that Teagan hated the fuck out of us after meeting BUCKTON a few months bacl (who wouldn't?), but it turns out that I must have been mistaken. Either that, or she's a professional who will do whatever it takes to get publicity (including hanging with dipshits like us). Couldn't say for sure, but who cares? All that matters is that we were able to get the esteemed Madame Presley (no relation to Elvis) back on our site, and fucking bonus - she brought Eva Angelina and Sunny Leone with her!

BUCKTON caught up with these fine-ass dames a little while back, right before they hit the stage at Club Risque, Philly's premiere zoob-flashin' nightclub. After the show, he did a ton of blow and got beat up by an off-duty cop during a scuffle at one of those inner-city dog-fighting places! Who knew?

Okay, groovers...as promised on Tuesday (or threatened, depending on how you look at it), we're back with part 2 of BUCKTON and Ball's review of what's sure to be remembered as Brad Armstrong's magnum opus, the futuristic thrill ride of fuck known as 2040. It's nearly awards season, and you can bet your goddamn fuckin' ass that this thing's gonna be scoopin' up a shitload of them shits. Guran-fuckin-teed. Not that I have any insider info on the AVN awards or anything. If I did, I'd rig that shit so we won everything, you know?