Listen. That Brady Bunch show was a pile of shit. You know it and we know it. It's fucking unwatchable. Same deal with the Shelley Long remake. It's unfunny and lame, even for the shit standards of its heyday. Lucky for us all, Hustler and X-Play grooved the idea into their brains to update this crapfest with something worth watching. Namely, red-hot fuckin'. It was a brilliant idea, and it served them real fuckin' well over the past year. So well, in fact, that they thought it was worth sequel-izing with the new Not the Bradys XXX: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Well, it's just about that time, folks. Old Santo Clause is packing up his sled with all the meth, beave and cognac he can carry (assuming he got our lists) and we're all upping our rum-to-nog ratio to make sure we're nice and hammered for the upcoming holiday. We should mention that POPPORN will be taking the rest of the week to acquire and then heal from a few drunken injuries (which we'll most likely get while trying to steal a Wii from an adolescent), and we'll be back on Monday with more of the sometimes-true, always-relevant news/boobs/insults that you've come to rely on.

Until then, there's not gonna be a creature stirring around here. Except BUCKTON, Bangs, and the always lovely and enthralling Jessie Lee.

If you watched Tuesday's video (and if you didn't, go ahead. We'll wait.), then you'd know that we promised you that Stevie Hart would jettison some clothing during the course of the next video. Well, the video is here. And jettison she did.

If you've been reading POPPORN lately, you've already heard of Stevie Hart. If you haven't been reading POPPORN, you've got a lot of fuckin' nerve showing your fuckin' face around here. You fuckin' fuck. Anyway, while you've surely gotten to know Stevie quite a bit during her previous interviews and videos, you've never seen her talkin' to BUCKTON, and that means you've been missing out.

What's going on, fuckaz? It's time to get freaky! Or, as BUCKTON and Nicole found out, it's actually not time to get freaky, thanks to Digital Playground's new semi-snoozer, Katsuni: Sexual Freak 10.

Hey, sportsfans! Buckton's back with more recommendations for your sorry ass, and he's got Yenna with him, so shut up and groove on it! This week's pick is Elegant Angel's recent fuck-bonanza, entitled Sporty Girls, which you can enjoy even if you're a lazy, sport-hating glutton, like many of us.

Hey, a new video! How's bout's it?

We know it's been a while since we had a "new this week" video, and we know it's been rough on you guys. We've heard your concerns, and we've certainly heard your complaints. So get off our backs, for Christ's sake, because we've got a new one to throw at you. And Morgan goes all zoobs-out for it, which is always cool.

Another one from the vaults, motherfuckers!

While getting stoned and re-watching the lastest Tom Byron advice column, it occurred to MEAT BALL that there was still an unused half-interview with Charley Chase grooving out all by its lonesome in the POPPORN vault. What's more? The interview was shot while Charley was waiting to get photographed and then fucked (in that order) by Tom Byron, so she's stark raving nude for the whole thing.

While digging through the POPPORN video vaults, MEAT BALL came across an interview with Jessie Lee that we never used. How fuckin' stupid are we?

You may know Jessie from Burningangel.com, where she describes her occupation as "I beat bitches up". We thought that was weird, because we were under the impression that her job was porno, but hey, you learn something new every day, right?

Boy. Porn's sure come a long way since the 90's huh? Case in point: Vampirass. This "classic" smut film from 1992 (or 1993, we're not sure) is as weak on story as it is on sex. For one thing, there's no fuckin' vampires. What the shit? Maybe spending so much time with proper feature porn like Roller Dollz and Pirates 2 has made us expect a little bit too much. But Christ, the least they could do is cast a one or two girls that are at least somewhat pretty.

For the first time (and probably the last), POPPORN.com thought it might be a good idea to review a non-pornographic film, and boy was it a mistake. Sure, this might have worked out well if we tried to review something awesome like Wall-E or Kill Switch or something, but oh, no. We had to go and pick (no offense to the filmmakers) a piece of shit like Red Room.

It's not every day that you get to review the biggest porn movie of all time. Let's face it, "biggest movies of all time" only get made every three or four years, so when a record-smashing, high-octane, skeleton-fest like this one comes along, we gotta jump on this shit like hot shit on a shit-collector's floor. And that means it's your duty to watch it. Right? Right? Right?

Plus, we conned Stoya into reviewing it with BUCKTON. So that's pretty fuckin' cool, too.

Okay, everybody knows that roller derby's fuckin' stupid right? Well, somebody forgot to tell Zero Tolerance, because they went and partnered up with Adam & Eve Pictures to make their very first feature, and what did they base the story on? That's right, fucking roller derby!

But you know what? Thank the Shrike that they did, because goddamn it if Roller Dollz isn't fucking awesome.

Some of you may remember Azrael. You may remember her from that time that she got sick and all her clothes fell off. You may remember her from that time she got bored and all her clothes fell off. You may even remember her from that ill-fated girl-party that Buckton tried to sneak into and then eventually got into but by the time he got in it was too late and he ended up doing meth and whacking off to porno with that guy who Meat Ball got in a fight with.

Well, she's back, and this time, she talks!

This week, BUCKTON and the long-lost Lexi LaVey are reuniting to share their feelings on 3rd Degree's recent MILF flick, The Cougar Club. This film's got lots of meaty and mature vaginas in it, as well as a good deal of partly-clothed sex (with Buckton loves), headache-inducing camerawork (which Lexi hates) and two scenes starring James "two-scene" Deen (who is Buckton's "boy", in case you didn't know).