Okay. What the fuck, people?

Bangs sent me an email a few days ago containing two email addresses. One of them was for up-and-coming porn starlet Katie St. Ives. The other was well-known porn star Marie Luv. Both are great people from what I hear. Both are terribly friendly. Both are goddamn killer performers. Just take a look at Katie's performance in Digital Sin's recent gangbang extravaganza Bang Bang Bang for proof of that. So Bangs wanted an interview.

So, now that POPPORN's extended hiatus has ended and we're getting back into the business of concocting amusing anecdotes for our readers, I thought that I should perhaps try to write something. But it appears to be a light week for sex-related news (excluding that whole thing about Gary Coleman whipping his cock out), and I was finding myself in the mood for something outside the usual sex/porn news hole that I usually find myself falling into.

I thought that maybe it would be a nice change to actually interview a pornographic performer. You know, maybe I could get their thoughts and feelings on some subjects near to their hearts, and maybe my own as well. But where to start? Therein lied the rub, as they say.

Hey, guess who we ran into? Taryn fuckin' Thomas, that's who!

While we were hanging with Taryn, BUCKTON managed to apply that extra-swarthy charm we've all seen oozing out of him from time to time (and tried not to touch, obviously) to get the inside skinny on a whole fucking smorgasbord of pressing topics. Topics like Taryn's absence and subsequent return to pornorgaphy, butthole rippage (eee-yow), those annoying indie rock dudes who wear skinny jeans (you know who you are), and, well, cum.

We never get tired of talking about cum. How could we?

God damn it, we just fuckin' love Penny Flame around here.

She's sweet, she's friendly, she's a jokester of the highest caliber, she's goddamn awesome at pornographic film, and she's not easily annoyed by the antics of fools like us. It was hard to face the fact that she was getting out of the adult industry, but fuck it man, that's where she's at right now, and we wish her well.

I had thought that Teagan hated the fuck out of us after meeting BUCKTON a few months bacl (who wouldn't?), but it turns out that I must have been mistaken. Either that, or she's a professional who will do whatever it takes to get publicity (including hanging with dipshits like us). Couldn't say for sure, but who cares? All that matters is that we were able to get the esteemed Madame Presley (no relation to Elvis) back on our site, and fucking bonus - she brought Eva Angelina and Sunny Leone with her!

BUCKTON caught up with these fine-ass dames a little while back, right before they hit the stage at Club Risque, Philly's premiere zoob-flashin' nightclub. After the show, he did a ton of blow and got beat up by an off-duty cop during a scuffle at one of those inner-city dog-fighting places! Who knew?

Okay. Full disclosure. This video has nothing to do with abortion. Breathe easy, everybody.

Instead, BUCKTON managed to snag a few minutes with POPPORN's very favorite tattooed provocateur, Joanna Angel (as well as Misti Dawn, who ain't too bad either). The topics of conversation ranged from whether or not Joanna and James Deen are cheating on each other, whether or not it's easy to get fucked against a wall, and...uh...well, that might be about it. Sorry, we have a very limited grasp on the fine art of conversation, in case you hadn't noticed.

Hey mothersuckaz!

It's video time again. we thought today we'd spend a few quality moments with a young woman named Isis Taylor. Perhaps you've seen her sexual antics in quality films like Poolside Pussy or, uh, Pound The Round? Man, she's purty, huh? The kind of purty that makes dudes like us nervous and sweaty, you know?

Good groovins to you mothershitters on this fine Thursday afternoon.

You guys remember that bitch-ass awesome party we had about a month ago with Gianna Michaels, our bitch-ass awesome guest of honor, to celebrate the release of our bitch-ass awesome porno movie? Sure you do. We hyped the fuck out of it on our site, and then Gianna hyped the fuck out of it on the Howard Stern show? Surely you remember.

No? Well, don't fret, fuckaz. It ain't no BFD, because we were taping the fuckin' thing!

Say hey, you bitch-ass trickstaz! How's everybody doing?

Sorry to call you all bitch-ass trickstaz! I'm just a little wound-up today because it's one of the bitch-ass awesomest comic-book-wednesdays in recent memory, and we got a new bitch-ass awesome video to boot! And, fuck, it's got Teagan muthafuckin' Presley in it! Everybody loves her fuckin' ass, right?

Okay, two things you should know about today's video.

1. Jada Fire once had chicken pox in her hair.
2. Around 1:07, you can see a spread-open bunghole in the upper-right corner. So keep your eyes peeled.

Man...Sasha Grey's a violent person.

Sure, we made a few threats during our recent review of Nurses. Sure, we told her were gonna hurt her. Sure, we may have stalked her at work and at home, and maybe even beaten up a friend of hers, just to send a message. But shit...that's no reason to get violent, is it Sasha? Can't you find it in your heart to let bygones by bygones and just make the wonderful fuck that you make so well week-in, week-out for the nether-regional-pleasure of your legions upon legions of fans?

Um, who remembers the big porno thing that happened in Vegas a few weeks back? What was it called, ABM? ATM? Something like that?

Whatever it was, we're aware that most of you missed it. And we'll never forgive you, because POPPORN felt really fuckin' lonely while we were out there. But we managed to pull ourselves together and have one fucking hell of a great time anyway, thanks mostly to BUCKTON's extra-special co-host, the all lowercase porn sensation, jessica drake!

So, some time last month I was pretty hard up for smut. Buckton and Bangs wouldn’t give me any porn. I didn’t have any handjob money (at least not female, un-callused hand, handjob money) and I was stumbling around desperately horny looking for something to wank to. As fortune would have it, a package came in the mail from Troma.

Well, it's just about that time, folks. Old Santo Clause is packing up his sled with all the meth, beave and cognac he can carry (assuming he got our lists) and we're all upping our rum-to-nog ratio to make sure we're nice and hammered for the upcoming holiday. We should mention that POPPORN will be taking the rest of the week to acquire and then heal from a few drunken injuries (which we'll most likely get while trying to steal a Wii from an adolescent), and we'll be back on Monday with more of the sometimes-true, always-relevant news/boobs/insults that you've come to rely on.

Until then, there's not gonna be a creature stirring around here. Except BUCKTON, Bangs, and the always lovely and enthralling Jessie Lee.

If you've been reading POPPORN lately, you've already heard of Stevie Hart. If you haven't been reading POPPORN, you've got a lot of fuckin' nerve showing your fuckin' face around here. You fuckin' fuck. Anyway, while you've surely gotten to know Stevie quite a bit during her previous interviews and videos, you've never seen her talkin' to BUCKTON, and that means you've been missing out.