Well...you kinda did.
HEY EVERYONE, IT'S DALE DABONE FRIDAY!
While our motto tends to be, "Jesus was a cunt" there are moments when we realize that God does serve a purpose if only to inspire man to otherworldly moments of inspiration.
Of course, everyone is aware of the shockwave sent across the industry yesterday regarding Nacho Vidal. The legendary performer was arrested in Spain on some sort of trumped up money laundering charges. The news piece we posted yesterday was quick to point out our slight disappointment at such an uncompromising man being accused of such a non-heinous, arguably white-collar crime.
See, when you've got the kind of reputation someone like Nacho has, we don't expect him to be arrested for something like money laundering. We expect to hear that he's hospitalized four men during an altercation at a South American brothel or maybe assassinated some sort of dictator or something. Something worthy of such an bold man.
So, naturally, when we read that three men were found dead with their heads inside toilets inside a Spanish jail this morning, we felt like maybe, just maybe...our favorite anti-hero had made us proud.
In news so ridiculous it had to come out of the adult industry, legendary porn performer (and penis fragrance mogul) Nacho Vidal has been arrested. No, not for forcing some woman to eat his sneaker while he punished her with his penis, or for generally being scary, but for white collar crime! The scoundrel.
Hey everyone, it's DALE DABONE FRIDAY!!!
In this video, DaBone shoots in 480p, explains that Hot Rawks will only work for those individuals who are old, young, male, female, who want to be horny, who aren't horny, are too horny, who want to loose weight, who want to gain muscle, who need a ride to the store and who are carbon based.
There is not a lot that I don’t like about Shyla Styles. In this new Big Tits in Uniform scene she tries to teach a prude how to belly dance, except that the female student in question decides that she is uncomfortable with Mrs. sexy Shyla teaching her the erotic hip and waist gyrations. Too bad she decides to leave and get something to refresh her parched mouth. In comes Pornstar James Deen who is the main cock in this one on one M/F scene and I got to admit he definitely knows how to sell sex.
Hey Teenagers! Your boyfriend, James Deen, has a new trailer on the internet! And since it's not pornographic, you can totally watch it on your smartphones or iPads during science class or study hall or whatever it is that you do in high school!
Wanna know what fucking sucks? There are all these celebrity sex videos available and not one of them feature the following:
- A four poster bed with canopy.
- A man ravaged by steroids yet, surprisingly well hung.
- A woman who's ex-husband is "sharing her" with his good buddy while he's in the other room.
- A star who calls himself, "a pig" having only eaten 10 minutes prior to the filmed coitus.
- A man who seems to be on either the verge of a heart attack or orgasm during filming.
Wait, what? Hang on a second!
It's Dale Dabone Friday, jerks!
For this week's entry, I'm afraid we're not able to present a video snippet of Mr. Dabone speaking about his journey as an actor or the benefits of Hot Rawks male enhancement supplement, as we have done in weeks past. Rather, today, we bring you the first (as far as we know) official statement from Wan Walen, South Florida's premier Van Halen cover band, in which Sir Dale plays the drums (unless he refers to it as "bashing the skins", which may be the case)..
Kudos to the Walens, as they've done a good job of capturing the bombast and overall unbearableness of Van Halen in their prime. I look forward to eventually hearing some tunes from Van Wagar.
With a similar waning interest in Mitt Romney's bid for the Presidency, we celebrate the culmination of Space Boobs. While not necessarily "must-see" internet, we've grown found of the idiots behind these videos and wanted to close the book on their bid for internet celebrity/youtube partnership dollars.
So, if you haven't yet found yourself fleeing in terror upon accidentally navigating to POPPORN, you've probably noticed that our very own Brian Bangs and Spock BUCKTON recently made a porno parody of the much-beloved buddy comedy, The Hangover. Everyone figured it would be a funny little throwaway that we'd whack off to a couple times, having a few chortling guffaws and chuckles in the interim, before we'd each put the DVD away, never to consider it again. Much like we did with last year's horribly-overrated Revenge of the Nerds Parody.
But, as things tend to happen, we were wrong. Because XCritic, the leading source for adult cinema analysis and criticism, seemed to enjoy the film, awarding it their prestigious and oft-coveted rank of "Xcritic Pick". Indeed, they seemed to think that the movie was totally awesome. This is, as you must know, quite a feat, as Brian Bangs and Spock BUCKTON are anything but awesome people.
Well, there's always things like this.
Look, we still don't know what these folks are up to or just what their angle is but ultimately, does it really matter? We're sitting here pinching our balls in our desk drawers for a laugh so you think we really wanna spend too much time looking for content to post today?
I think someone forgot to tell January that it's no longer necessary. Long the harbinger of a new year and thus, glorious Change with a capital "C" it appears as if September has decided to whoop its ass into redundancy.
Why? Because, as far as the adult industry is concerned, big changes hit in September.