Here it is, Delaware. The most interesting story that will ever ooze out of your state. For those of you unfamiliar with Delaware, it's a small, unassuming state located somewhere in the Eastern United States (next to Ohio, I think). It's known for...well...I guess nothing, really.
News broke this morning that Melissa King, who was recently crowned Miss Delaware Teen USA (which I guess means that she's the absolute best "Delaware teen" in the entire country, whatever that means), was left with no choice but to hand back her crown, after news surfaced that she had shot - get this - a porn video!
It's been a few months since James Deen was named Time Magazine's Person of the Year, so I think it's safe to say that his star's most likely fading by now. His status as love-goal of all women old and young has most likely now been usurped by the guy who played Thor or one of those kids from One Direction. He'll soon be in his thirties, trying to make his way through life as an average man with an average penis (they shrink significantly at age 31), with no particular hopes and dreams to occupy his consciousness as he waits for the eternal black cocoon that is death.
We've just gotten word that Alektra Blue is leaving Wicked Pictures! We haven't heard the whys and hows as of yet, but being the uber-smart dickholes that we are, we're pretty sure we can accurately surmise the reasons for the split. It probably has something do with with either that rogue LA Cop who caused all that uproar recently, or the blade-running athlete who recently killed his girlfriend. I imagine one of those guys is a patsy for Alektra, who's been rumored to have her big toe (among other body parts) involved in all kids of illegal shit.
Vivid Entertainment's Steve Hirch announced today that his company will immediately cease distribution of the Mindy McCready sex tape because as Hirsch said, "The situation surrounding Mindy's death is so tragic and sad. We decided to stop marketing her tape as a gesture of respect."
Thank god for human decency.
Yes, you're alone. You have no one to share your life with and most likely will also die alone. Your endless hours of watching porn has lead you to develop unrealistic expectations of what sexual intercourse outside of a porno film looks like or what genuine intimacy feels. This has lead to a certain amount of jealousy of the adult performers you watch while you masturbate.
When I was 13, I was at Boy Scout camp and developed a rather intense case of poison ivy on my penis. I immediately went to the infirmary and a robust man named Mark, who sported an impeccably coiffed thick red mustache, asked me to undo my jeans and slip my underwear down so he could get a look at the infected area. After a few moments of examination, he mentioned how proud I must be to have such a fine looking penis.
But I'm not talking about that kind of shock and awe.
Did you guys see that Social Network movie? The one about Google Plus or something? I liked it, but I always felt a little disappointed with the ending. There's a scene where that dude from the Backstreet Boys is partying down and he gets busted with a little bag of cocaine, and everybody's acting like it's the end of the motherscratching world or something. Maybe I'm just an addict who doesn't know what's what, because I sort of thought "what's the BFD? Some rich dude's doing blow at a party. B effing D". Right?
Being able to review sex scenes on a regular basis is what makes this job so fucken awesome! What makes it even better is having to review a Big Tits in Sports porn scene featuring hot female pornstars Diamond Jackson, Jewels Jade, Brandi Love, Kendra Lust, and lucky male porn stars Johnny Sins & Bill Bailey. Four chicks on two dudes are good odds any which way you cut it. These pornstars are all in peak performance shape and as the scene progresses the enthusiasm that the girls have is infectious it’s hard to not be satisfied especially when Johnny Sins the lucky judge gets to judge which one has the best tits to touch.
From the recent articles posted here you might believe we've become a promotional corner for camgirls. From contributor Courtney Page reviewing one of her favorite camgirls to our recent masturbatory posts about Cherry Crush it's easy to understand why you might think that but you'd be wrong!
So today we're spotlighting a camgirl.
I met Giselle Leon on the set of my reality series "Casey's Camper". I immediately thought she was gorgeous(even before the nose job). Bonus, she seemed stand offish and bitchy. Just my type of gal, so we quickly became friends. We bonded over our love of hunting for black cock. Giselle loves her some black dick! No, wait. We actually bonded over our attraction to this really cute bartender at this Nazi bar. We wanted to take him out back to the alley and fuck but ALAS he wasn't into us. Possibly because of her being Jewish thing and my whole "brown skin" thing.
Look, we remembered that we have a camera! And we've not yet used up all of our blackmail points with James Deen! Thus, another year of goofy red carpet interviews! Hot cookies, dickholes!
First up, magic moments with Stoya, Eric Masterson, Katie St. Ives, Evan Stone, Brian Street Team, former POPPORN correspondent Lucy Vonne and hip-hop mogul/terrifying dude Suge Knight.
More coming, dicks! No Dale Dabone footage, unfortunately!
Unless you live under a rock or don't care much about minute mainstream news tidbits about the porn industry, you've probably read the scathing article on Jezebel.com about Joanna Angel being a horrible racist, due to her decision to "yellowface-up" performer Danny Wylde for his role as the one Asian guy from The Walking Dead in her new porn spoof.
Please note, I only call him "that one Asian guy" because I've never watched the show and I don't know the names of any characters, regardless of ethnicity. I don't know that one white guy's name, I don't know that one black lady's name, I don't know that Zombie kid's name. I do know that the first trade paperback of the Walking Dead was so horribly, laughably bad that it's doubtful I'll ever give either the comic or the TV version another chance, but that's another story.
In case you didn't know, legendary porn performer Ron Jeremy is recovering at Cedars Sinai after undergoing two heart surgeries yesterday. Apparently, Jeremy drove himself to the hospital after experience chest pains. Once there, doctors discovered he was suffering from a serious condition called aortic dissection which sounds fucking bad-ass.
What is this thing, this Cherry Crush that we've now become so enamored with? Is she a person? A lifeform? An idea? A statement of purpose? A question of regret? All of these things? None of these things? Yes? No? Once? Twice? Forever?
A frustrating part of life is having to go around pondering the attractiveness of another human being. And when that pondering gets to deciding and that deciding gets to wanting and that wanting is something dumb? Well, then it's just annoying.
Such is my recent realization that I want to have sex with Miley Cyrus. For a long time, she wasn't even on my radar. In fact, I thought she looked kinda stupid. Not my thing at all. Of course, I look stupid too, so I didn't hold it against her. But, given the opportunity to wax philosophical on which ridiculous pop stars I might want to grind down upon given the chance, she wouldn't be one of the names I tossed into the discussion.