As a child of the ‘80s, it goes without saying that I spent a good amount of time watching cartoons. As a "man" of the aughts, it goes without saying that I still spend a good amount of time watching cartoons.

The Northern Territory News from Australia seems shocked to report that illegal Indonesian fisherman (Australia's version of tunneling Mexicans, wait, did I just offend anyone?) have been watching porn on computers while in custody at the Darwin Immigration Detention Center. What's the surprise? Most of these teenagers hail from the island of Roti, where they live in shacks without electricity...

We thought that maybe you folks were getting a little bit sick of that red background we shoot our reviews against. With that in mind, we gotta say: fuck you. We'll choose whatever the fuck background we wanna use and that red background is as fucking fine as they come. Also, we were fucking sick of that red background, and we thought maybe we'd do a review outside this week (as long as we're in the middle of this bullshit heatwave).

I'd like to introduce you to our newest POPPORN contributor, T-Bone (Slim) Bangs. T-Bone Slim if you will. He's near and dear to my heart as he's family. My uncle is a mean fucker but he loves naked ladies and the adult industry. He's smart and likes to complain so we figured, let's get him on POPPORN. Enjoy...

Two time California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey, who was last seen on VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew,” is going for a more attainable political goal.

She’s running for California State Assembly as Mary “Carey” Cook.

Yes. We have an addiction to photographs of girls expressing their love for POPPORN.com. No, we don't have a specific type of girl that makes the sticking parts of our internal engines run smoother, but we are certainly guilty of breathing a little harder.

Which is kind of nasty since we totally just ate some Doritos.

The Tera Patrick empire is expanding. No, not in your pants but into gambling.

The Los Angeles Times reports that the Vegas Hard Rock is opening Tera Patrick's Gaming Pit with dealers to be called Hell's Belles. Huh, witty.

Aussie porn star Monica Mayhem (they know her back home as Caroline Pickering) has starred in more than 200 films, reports the Sydney Morning Herald, including "Young, Hot & Bothered 3," and "Dude, That's My Mom".

Now she's branching out in the mega-hit legit film "Sex and the City" in which she has a non-speaking role. Playing to her strength, she's having hot sex with Samantha's neighbor and is billed in the credits as "Dante's lover No. 1."

This week, the BUCKTON/HATE team are walking you through this all-girl-except-for-one-dude's-finger flick called Bitchcraft 3. It's a pretty fucking disgusting film (no offense to any of you folks out there who are into disgusting shit), packed full of bondage, milk shitting, clothespins and lots of other shit that was enough to make Buckton want to puke. But then again, isn't Buckton sort of a lightweight when it comes to porno? No he's not, and fuck you saying he was!

Hanna Hilton, one of Vivid’s newest contract girls, says she’ll only be in porn for two more years. Hilton, 23, has recently shot “Meggan and Hanna love Manuel,” and “Red,” directed by Tera Patrick for Vivid. She just got into hardcore two months ago after posing solo on sites like her HannaHilton.com and Brazzers.com where all good girls with tig ole bitties, the natural kind, should cut their teeth. Meggan Mallone was the first girl Hanna worked with. However, Hanna's not really into chicks. “I prefer boy-girl scenes one-on-one.”

Do dogs have green cum? Spock thinks so, but Yenna knows the fuggin' truth. What's that have to do with our review of Bullets and Burlesque? Fucked if we know, but it sure makes a good opening line, huh?

Red Light District didn't have to look very far for its new BBW star. Trista Lace had worked two years in the company's accounting department and never even considered working in front of the camera before Mr. Pete asked her one day if she might want to get her big old self down and dirty.

"Mr. Pete came to me one day and mentioned he was making a Big Girl movie and wanted me to be in it... It took me about a week to say yes," Lace said.

Hi. Some of you have wondered who, if anyone, would ever be our girlfriend. Sure, we've pissed off adult stars, been drunk and disorderly and even caught some odd diseases along the way, but what we have discovered is that Kimberly Kane loves us.

FINALLY someone has gone to the Wikipedia page of Japanese porn star Sakura Sakurada and translated the list of her many titles. We've been praying for this day and yes, it has come! Some don't work in English having names like "Dosukoi" or "Kinbaku 33." The ones that have been translated? They don't work in English either.

Hilariously, some of the titles translate as...

Riley Steele, the hottest new adult star you haven't seen yet, has gotten her breast implants.

In a recent interview with POPPORN.com, our Joey Nickels begged the slender framed Digital Playground contract girl not to go too big and look ridiculous. We haven't seen a picture yet but in a MySpace bulletin she titled. "TIGGO BITTIES!!!," Steel writes, and yes, we quote...