UNBROKEN WORLD RECORD BREAKS WOULD-BE RECORD BREAKER! (FEATURING BLOWJOBS)


I will admit, I have never heard of Sexy Cora, the popular (I'm told) German pornographic performer. But that doesn't make it any less unfortunate to find out that she had to be rushed to a hospital earlier this week while attempting to break the world's record for blowjobs performed in one day. They current record, according to AVN is a walloping 200 facejobs, set by...actually...I don't know who set it. Some other less reputable site claims that Summer Nyte set a record of 249 suckoffs in a 24-hour period back in 2005, but shit...we like AVN, we're not taking some amateur shithead's word over theirs. Come on.

Actually, what the fuck, I'm gonna go ahead and make up our own findings for the world-record of blowjobbin'. I'm gonna say that it was set by, oh, I dunno...uh, Hooty McBoob, in the year 1996, when she blew 321 different dudes in a 23-hour period. The 24th hour was reserved for interviews, along with lots and lots of tooth brushing and regrets.

Also, Hooty McBoob is a dude, in case you didn't know.

Back to Sexy Cora. The news stories I could find on the subject didn't state exactly what the issue was that forced Cora to seek immediate medical attention. She was apparently, as we've mentioned, attempting to blow one really happy dude and 199 pretty-happy-but-a-little-envious dudes, when she had to stop after dude number 75. The London Sun cites breathing difficulties, which certainly sounds plausible. Also, sort of sad. Is the world's most suckjobs record really worth it? It certainly wouldn't be for me, but then again, I'm not really into blowing dudes (unless I'm really drunk or in close proximity to a guy who will either give me meth or blow me back for my troubles).

To make matters worse for the German star, this falls on top of an already shitty month. Earlier this month, Cora was arrested on charges of public nudity, while she was filming scenes in a public park during daytime hours. The coppers apparently chased down and rounded up her partners, one of whom suffered a broken wrist while trying to flee with his trousers around his ankles (or cankles, if you will). She was out on bail for the stunt when she attempted this latest death-defying feat,

We wish Cora a speedy recovery, and urge her to consider the fact that, as porn lovers, we can totally appreciate one blowjob at a time, with ample breathing time in between sucks. Seriously, those are fun to watch. No need to go overboard.


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