Variety Magazine, the daily bible for the hack's and dweebs in the "entertainment" industry, has come up with some killer suggestions on how to make the Academy Awards more fun – make them more like the AVN Awards!

Really Variety? So like 5 hours of bad speeches, terrible comic timing and awful dresses seems like the solution? We thought the AVN Awards got those ideas from you. Weird.

While the trade mag goes on to acknowledge it's certainly more difficult to make tuneless Best Song nominees like the dippy-doo-duh song from Enchanted as exciting as the clips for Best Anal Sex Scene, Variety says a lot could be done to improve the red carpet presentation. Their totally bo-rad awesome ideas? Yes, we quote, "AVN's red-carpet hosts were rock-star and porn director Dave Navarro and Wicked Pictures contract starlet Kirsten Price. They may be less recognizable than Ryan Seacrest, but they seem like a lot more fun to hang around with."

Variety, look, it's cute that you mentioned AVN since it gives them the chance to be like, "The cool kids are talking about us!" but c'mon! Did you actually listen to the last Jane's Addiction record? The AVN's aren't exactly the bastion of awesome award show experience.

So Academy, if you're looking for suggestions on how to liven up your show, you've come to the right place:

This is just a couple of suggestions, we've literally got thousands. Give us a call, we kinda wanna party with Seacrest.