I don't know how many of you out there are familiar with the video game/alternate reality known as Second Life, but it's becoming, like, the most popular thing since Jesus got crucified (how's THAT for crossing a line). Personally, I've never played the thing. I gave up on all forms of video entertainment (except porno) after I failed to conquer the seminal late '80s video game "Yo Noid!". Anyway, since Second Life offers so many real-life-simulating opportunities, it's a no brainer that folks would use it for some more "adult" applications. You know, cyber-fuckin' and whatnot.

But now, the Second Life folks are instituting new "adults only" rules that segregate the more blue aspects of gameplay to a special section of the game. Basically, it sounds like they're creating some sort of Fantasy Island kind of thing, where you have to be of a certain age to get in. But once you're in, anything goes! Like I said, I never played this bullshit game, but I'm thinking about signing on, because I'd really like to try out the following things (all of which I was never able to pull off in real life):

Steal a car from a walrus and then screw it in the butt.

Have two chicks do me in the ass with a strap-on.

Blow a dude while two chicks do me with a strap-on. A good-looking, dude, too!

Have intercourse with a woman.

Do coke off of a stripper's engorged clitoris.

Be a pimp (I just don't have the muscle to pull it off in real life).

Have a hole surgically implanted in my back and have somebody screw it with a strap-on, sort of like in Existenz

All of the areas in Second Life will be screened and rated for maturity levels, and everything will be designated PG, mature or adult, the first two choices being no fun whatsoever. "Adult content on the mainland will need to move to the new continent, and access to Adult regions and search results will be limited to Residents with verified accounts," said Cyn Linden, Second Life spokes-blogger. It sounds like she's saying that only certain residents will be allowed in, sort of like a internet-based Studio 54 swinger's club. I sure hope that's not the case, because I've got a pretty poor track record when it comes to getting into exclusive shit.

All in all, though the new filters sound like they're somewhat limiting to adult gameplay, I'm curious to see where it all leads. Perhaps this all-adult, hedonistic, Caligula-esque society will take off, and become the norm for all of Second LIfe, and then maybe move into the real world. It's not like we're doing anything important with Antarctica at the moment. Buy a few heaters and some lube, we're looking at the 21st century's new Fucktopia.

Yeah, that's a long shot. But hey, we gotta hope.

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