Our favorite contract star, Stoya had some free time on her hands and what we learned is that she is not one to waste time...take it away Stoya...

The other day, I was sitting in my apartment waiting to be picked up to shoot the box cover for Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge. I was smoking a cigarette and thinking about slightly pornographic things, because that's what I do. My mind wandered to the ping pong ball scene in "Priscilla Queen of the Desert". Ever since I saw this movie at 14, I've been mildly obsessed with how freaking cool it would be if there were actually women who could do that in real life. I mean, fuck, if I had a cock I would constantly be thinking about what penetrating a vagina with that much muscle control would feel like.

Imagine my glee upon entering the seedy side of Philadelphia a few years later and finding out that there *are* people who can shoot ping pong balls out of their pussy. In Bangkok they're called "skilled vaginal performers" and projectile ping pong balls are just the tip of the iceberg. These women perform acts on stage that include opening beer bottles, blowing out candles, shooting darts that pop balloons, writing letters, and the pinnacle of debauchery (in my humble opinion): smoking. All with their pussy.

There's something so purposefully adult about the fact that someone has taken the time to train their sexual organs to perform tricks. It's the gourmet sushi of sex work. For someone whose job and favorite hobby is sex, anything that can take sexual acts to a place approaching art or sport is completely entrancing. So I took my pants off, put my feet behind my head and inserted the end of my recessed filter cigarette into my pussy. The tricky part was figuring out how to get the lower abdominal muscles to suck air in, but before my cigarette burned out I was puffing away like an old man in Georgia smoking a pipe on his front porch. It makes a kind of squiskey (ed. note: This term was invented by Stoya!) noise, and is much harder to do with non-recessed filters. I think it's because the pussy juice clogs up the filter. Now I wonder how much practice it would take to smoke with my butthole.

Stoya, our minds are blown.

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