As reported by major news outlets all over the universe, this weekend Sasha Grey celebrated her 21st birthday at vainglorious Vegas nightclub Tao. And I was there. Without further ado, I give you my photo diary of the evening:

Sasha gives a brief presentation on the Dadaist underpinnings of her birthday cake's decorative motifs.

The cake in question.

Sasha does something existential with a thingamadoo she picked off the cake.

Sasha takes a moment to wish for the most creative demise she can conjure of those who would stand in the way of her rise to world tyranny.

And the blowing ensues.

Subliminal message from Sasha to every chick who's ever been a bitch to her: "Did Billy Corgan show up to your 21st? Didn't think so, assface."

Another subliminal message: "How do I tell Pete Warren politely that he needs to invest in some facial cream? Badly."

Ian Cinnamon can't explain why Kimberly Kane seems to think she's at a Twisted Sister concert.

Hey, it's Lance Bass from 'NSync! Maybe that's why!

Yes, Kimberly confirms, that is why.

Sasha turns the tables on the paparazzi.

Sasha is none too pleased that she can now consume scotch legally ... takes all the fun out of it.

On to the club, where hot chicks dancing on the bar distract me momentarily.

As do these fine entertainers.

"Hey, stop looking at those skanks!" KK admonishes me.

Billy Corgan and KK indicate their official sanctioning of the proceedings.

More pastries are presented to Sasha for to be blown upon.

"Hahahaha! You're Billy Corgan and I'm flipping the bird while holding a cupcake!"

Sparklers.

Foam.

Brian Gross shows Ian Cinnamon the White Boy Fisting Shimmy.

KK watches. And judges.

"Don't tell anybody, but I really am a member of a superspecies from another planet here to observe you stupid humans. You guys are dumb as shit!"

Brian Gross is a badass. So is Billy Corgan. And Billy Corgan's date. (I think. If she wasn't his date, she's a badass anyway for sitting in between these other two badasses.)

Awww, KK ... isn't she ravishing?

Fuckin' christ, my gut is poking out. The humanity.

Happy birthday (again) Sasha! Now everyone masturbate!

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