BRIAN SUREWOOD SURE WOULD LIKE TO NOT BE SPENDING THE NEXT 52 MONTHS IN PRISON


Nice pun in that subject line, huh? His name's Brian Surewood, and we said "sure would". Get it? It's fucking gold and you know it! besides, Brian could probably use a laugh or two considering the fact that he's about to spend the next 52 months behind bars.

Perhaps you remember the October 2007 auto-crash incident Mr. Surewood was involved with? Pretty ugly stuff. Two cars (one of the Brian's) were speeding through L.A., cutting each other off and doing what a lot of folks would probably call "Raising hell". At one point, Surewood pulled in front of the other car and stopped short, causing the other car to swerve into some nearby parked cars. Both cars ended up smashed to shit, along with a bystander, Syeda Arif, who was standing behind her parked Honda Civic, with her two kids. Arif was injured. Her infant daughter was injured worse (she's actually still in intensive care from the incident), and her 5-year old son was killed instantly. Like we said, ugly stuff.

Well, a year and a half later, things are getting moving in the trial, and there's a whole lot of question marks. For one thing, there's the charge itself. Prosecutors (and a good deal of the public) were calling for a murder charge, demanding the harshest possible penalties. Let's face it - when you're responsible for the death of a 5-year old, people are gonna want your blood. Even the mayor said that Surewood and Armando Ayon, the other driver involved, would be going to jail for the rest of their lives.

The idea was that, while engaging in such reckless road behavior, the defendants were both acting with "implied malice" towards the victims. Surewood's lawyer, Ron Miller, spent this past Friday getting that charge thrown out. He explained to the judge, "I don't believe any reasonable human being could reasonably have foreseen that the way they were driving would result in death or great bodily injury to another person. In closing my argument to the judge, I said, 'Your Honor, if the court sustains the murder charge against Mr. [Surewood] in this case, the court is effectively throwing out gross negligence and ruling that any violation of the vehicle code that results in the death of another human being is murder,' and I said, 'Quite frankly, Your Honor, that scares me.'"

You know what, fuck it. We're not lawyers here. We can't really say whether or not he deserves a murder charge. It's a tough-as-fuck situation. Anybody can see that. What we can do, though - is talk about the way his porno occupation weighs in on this mess. Miller said, "people have a preconceived notion of what an male adult performer is, just as they do a female adult performer, and that's that male adult performers, all of us, are just oversexed dogs, just like the girls are all sluts. So even a fan of porn is going to go, 'This guy's such a rogue anyway, he's not going to let some 19-year-old kid beat him in a dispute on the streets, and may very well have said to hell with everybody."

It's a pretty good point. I'll admit, I've seen this guy in films and he scares the fuck out of me. But is that what he's really like? How the fuck would I know? People who know him say that it's not. He's got (from what I can gather) a good reputation in the industry, and isn't known to be the rogue he's made out to be. Again, Ron Miller: "I've always felt that Brian was a kind and gentle man. I've never seen Brian lose his temper on a set, even on those days that all of us performers have had, where the day is endless and our scene never seems to come around and everything goes wrong - I've never seen Brian angry. He's always been a gentleman to everybody."

Of course, that is his lawyer talking, so I gotta take it with a grain of salt. Like I said, I don't know the guy.

As it stands, Surewood ended up pleading no contest. There's hopes to get him moved to a fire crew, where he'd be put to work stopping forest fires and whatnot, instead of just doing the whole "Oz" thing. As it is, he's been under nearly 24-hour lockdown since the accident, as is demanded by his "K-10" classification.

We shall see.

Sorry about such a downer of a story. It's news, right? We'll have some fun later on. You'll see.