I suppose we should change this diary to read, "WE MADE A PORNO", however, that would mean that we had created something and in all honesty, it's probably more accurate to say something was made but I'm now sure we had anything to do with it.
Look, making a movie is hard enough. Throw in professional fuckers with tight time constraints, budgets and things that we don't really understand and what you have there, is a recipe for disaster. I apologize for the lackluster diary entries during shooting. If you have been following us on twitter, well you'd know by now that production didn't go as smoothly as one might have hoped. You can catch of the details here.
To catch you up on what's been happening since I last posted would take about thirteen diary entries, each more stupid then the previous so I've decided to give you a bullet point list on what went wrong with the shoot so that we can at least get to the business of what went right and will go right in post-production. So, here we go...
- We got lost (thanks BUCKTON), thought we found the right house but we clearly didn't. This lead to a truly bizarre situation with BUCKTON sort of breaking into the wrong house to find a surprised LA hills home owner confused but rather hospitable and possibly, waaaay to hospitable.
- We arrived late on set because of being lost. However, the director on set who was there to help us got tired of waiting and decided to shoot the scene anyway. It was with Lexi Belle and James Deen so thankfully we got that footage. However, we did arrive just at the end of the scene and since BUCKTON missed it, it lead to an argument that lead to a continuation of our horrible day (thanks BUCKTON).
- Made it set just fine (I insisted on driving). BUCKTON gave cast and crew a "pep talk" which I thought was to be an apology for our fuck up the day before. Instead, he freaked out about how uncool it was that the production manager had made us late for the sex scene by giving us bad directions. This lead to some more frustration and BUCKTON actually firing someone from the production. As I said, we had no idea we could do this, but the production manager said that he was told it was our show. Ouch.
- The person fired was male talent which meant we couldn't shoot the scene we had planned to shoot, so fortunately, Ryan Keely, a female performer, was on set to help with production and was willing to step in and make the scene a G/G scene with Bobbi Starr. Lucky, very lucky.
- BUCKTON goes missing. Did I mention this yet? Yeah, he left the set on day two with a friend and, unbeknownst to us, the video cards from the previous two days.
- Had to spend the better part of a day looking for him, and at least asking for the video cards back.
- BUCKTON came back with the cards.
- Kimberly Kane and John Strong (whom BUCKTON insisted on calling Erik Everhard because he was the planned male talent for the day but cancelled) shoot a great scene, which I assume is ruined because BUCKTON kept getting in shots suggesting positions.
- BUCKTON tazed himself. Well, not really a tazer but a stun gun which we had on set for a planned, really funny segment.
- We left BUCKTON on the set one night because no one wanted to deal with him. Not sure what he did overnight.
- BUCKTON tried to purchase a handgun and hire male talent that would let us taze them. You can't buy a hand gun in a day in CA, and only an idiot would allow themselves to be tazed...BUCKTON?
Anyway, that's some of the events that occurred. Do we have a movie? Yes, we did manage to get scenes shot. Will it come out? We have no idea. We're looking through all the content to salvage a five scene gonzo film. MEAT BALL has his work cut out for him.
We'll keep you updated. Thank god we're home.