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DISPATCHES FROM THE PORNO STORE - HELP ME PICK A TOY TO HUMP AND TALK ABOUT!
Hey POPPORN readers, I need your help! My toybox is overflowing with new goodies but I can't choose what to review first. I'm horrible at making decisions (never ask me where we should go for dinner... you may be waiting for 3 days for an answer), so I'm letting you dudes and dudettes make the choice for me. So watch my little video below and vote for your favorite toy!
... I have a bad feeling that this is going to end with me putting something in my butt.
So leave a comment for which you want me to review and I'll get right to it...the nominees are:
DOC JOHNSON VAC-U-LOC SUCTION CUP WITH DONG
So there you have it. Choose, fine readers of POPPORN, and it shall be so. I look forward to seeing what my next play time will feature. Oh, and here's another photo of me just cuz!
Comments
THE ART DECO BUTT PLUG!!!!
Though this shouldn't preclude you from being hog-tied while trying out the butt plug.
With this review, will there
With this review, will there be pictures of some sort or will it be a neverending tease with this girl!
keeping you on edge...
the tease is what makes it so fun!
<3 Josie Jacobs
The edge, my bonor has no
The edge, my bonor has no edges!
I'm torn between the harness
I'm torn between the harness and the butt plug...I do like the idea of the butt plug a bit more...
BUTT PLUG!
I am frustrated
by this woman...how can you be so hot, so openly sexual and so kind as to let us pick what you put in you?
I suppose
Since I picked out the butt plug, I have to vote for it.
- Not Fade Away
yes, if you didn't it would
yes, if you didn't it would show you don't trust your own judgment.
<3 Josie Jacobs
Dear Ms. Jacobs
Dear Ms. Jacobs breasts...they are fucking awesome.
I would also vote on the
I would also vote on the buttplug.
Cute and innocent looking girls sticking stuff up there butts makes the world go round.
The big red thing please,
The big red thing please, its fun to imagine it in you, big and red vote!
BUTT PLUG!!! WOOOO!
OMG you have the sweetest cutest voice ever! ... and the sweetest cutest boobs too!
Please do the butt plug! Please Please Please!
xo
aw, thank you morgan! yes, i
aw, thank you morgan! yes, i have a feeling the buttplug is going to be my first toy up for review. everyone seems to be very into it.
<3 Josie Jacobs
Did you really think folks would pick differently?
The butt is a source of great pleasure and it continues to be the biggest taboo, so get to squattin!
Easy: Gyrospheres. I implore
Easy: Gyrospheres. I implore you to try this sex toy because basically, it's amazing. I have Fun Factory Smart Balls (same shit) and I tell you, combining those balls with a vibrator for clitoral stimulation is fucking mind blowing. Gyrospheres! Because yeah, of course all the dudes want you to slip in the butt plugs (which is awesome for actually having sex ) but if this is about self-pleasure, it's going to come a hell of a lot easier with the Gyrospheres. And of course you can always still shove something in your ass. Simultaneously. DP style fun!
Clearly this girl is an
Clearly this girl is an expert and needs to contribute as well, with photos please!
But I still vote butt plug!
of course you vote butt plug
of course you vote butt plug and damn it. there's nothing wrong with a butt plug, especially if it's glass (acrylic I imagine though). There's only so much reviewing one can do of an acrylic butt plug though. All one can really gauge is the the weight and girth, where as some weird rattling vagina balls are a mysterious innovation that no man can wrap his mind around. Unless that man has a vagina.. which makes him not a man, but Buck Angel.
And I LOVE that fleshlight commercial at the end of the video. I love it with every ounce of my libido and loins.
it's acrylic. i wanted a
it's acrylic. i wanted a glass one but tlaraw was all out!
the fleshlight commercial is so weird and crazy and mindfucky. i love it!!!!
<3 Josie Jacobs
Yeah there's nothing like
Yeah there's nothing like putting glass and metal in your ass. Really. It's fantastic. And the fleshlight commercial makes me so happy.. vagina next to fake vagina. fake vagina being masturbated then REAL vagina being masturbated and then COCK being masturbated! makes me wish I had a penis.. or a fleshlight.
adena!
you are so awesome! i was going to use the gyrospheres the next time i go out dancing, but i will definitely try them out with a vibe before that. :)
<3 Josie Jacobs
Josie!
YOU are so awesome. Porno store workers unite! The gyrospheres are so cool not only because masturbating with them is AMAZING, but they also force vaginal contractions that strengthen the pc muscles, like ben wa balls. Same shit.. the vibration and rotation of the encased balls forces the contractions that ultimately lead to a virginal vagina.
And shit. I like to pretend I'm a virgin. Actually I don't at all.. people are far less likely to buy a butt plug or mold of Johnny Hazard's cock from someone who they believe has never had such inanimate objects shoved in every orifice.
The seond one looks really
The seond one looks really cheap and cheesy so I say, for arguments sake, let's see that one used. That way you can make fun of it and it might be an entertaining read.
the balls aren't as cheap as
the balls aren't as cheap as they seem. they are silicone-dipped! i dunno, i think you have to see them IRL to soak it all in.
<3 Josie Jacobs
"cheap and cheesy"
No! Wrong! Those balls are metal incased in silicone, which is the Cadillac of sex toys. Virtually unporous, receptive to temperature, phallate and TPR free... pregnant women can shove silicone inside their pussies and be risk free. You can clean them in your dish washer! Plus they feel nice... really nice. Rattling metal balls are a hell of a lot of fun when you place something that vibrates near them so they rattle a wee bit more. It's G-spot fun, and G-spot fun lead to squirting. Don't underestimate these balls. They are: AMAZING.
Ha!
"I've had this thing in my box for so long, I can't remember what it's called."
You'd think if it had been in her box for that long, she'd have a pretty good idea about it.... oh wait she probably means the other kind of box. BTW, I think that I'm going to become the Ashlynn Brooke stalker guy only for Josie.
-stank
haha i didn't realize the
haha i didn't realize the other meaning of "i've had this in my box for so long" until you pointed it out. your mind is even dirtier than mine!
<3 Josie Jacobs
I think it might be funnier to pick the worst toy!
Why must we insist on a good toy? Let's pick the one that is the crappiest and ostracize it from humanity. Our goal here should be to determine by the laws of nature which toys should be killed and eaten. Natural selection will send the golden toys to the top of the heap...
I guess I'm in the minority,
I guess I'm in the minority, but I'm not all that into the butt plug. I'd actually like to see a review of the "secret buddy" or the "vac-u-loc" because you seemed to linger on those when describing them, maybe showing that you want to review one of them? Or you could really be scared of the big butt plug and are looking for a reason for bravery...
Well, since you need an answer, I guess I vote secret buddy. But whatever you want is best.
shiny!
My vote is for the Doc Johnson thingy because it's jiggly and has got fuckin' sparkles. Maybe I'm just easily distracted. Up with the shiny, not into the fanny!
... uh.
Vac U Loc
Cause that things pretty big, and I'd like to see it go in you, or at least hear about it going in you.
But my second vote goes to whatever you think will be the most interesting, exciting, and pleasing. Nothing better than a girlie gettin off, as I always say. I would be interested in hearing about those martian balls . . . can we say "Video Review?"
Fuck toys.
I vote that you get naked.
The hogtie!
The hogtie!
Either the butt plug or the
Either the butt plug or the Secret Buddy, provided you use it in your butt.
I do think the hogtie would
I do think the hogtie would be a much more hot review if she were to explain it in detail with diagrams of how she was tied...I need to be able to imagine this shit!
This would have been better had the toys been presented between
those glorious breasts. I'm not saying nude, but rather, just presented in a more stimulating way.
But as for a vote, I have to say butt plug.
like this?
<3 Josie Jacobs
Ummm
yes...holy shit yes.
JOSIE JACOBS!
A NUMBER 1 CONTRIBUTOR TO POPPORN!
- Not Fade Away
#1
i rule. dogs drool.
<3 Josie Jacobs
Since this worked for the last guy...
This would have been better had the vac-u-loc been presented between those glorious lips. I'm not saying deepthroat, but rather, just presented in a more stimulating way.
the dude above you got it
the dude above you got it only because i had actually taken the picture before but a certain mr. bangs didn't choose to upload it for this blog entry.
<3 Josie Jacobs
Oh well, it was worth a
Oh well, it was worth a shot. Maybe next time...
Sounds like someone initially wanted to keep that picture in their own personal spank bank...
Only kidding.
Cute two for cute girl
I have to vote for the Secret Buddy because it is small, pink, and cute. Two of those words describe Josie and all three I would imagine describe...
I vote for all of them!
In whatever order you choose!
We just want to hear about you getting off with anything that pleases you.
We really don't care which...
Josie's toybox
I think ya should try the gyrospheres...
s
None of them. The only one worth a damn is the doc johnson, and if you're not letting me fuck you with it then it should stay in the box.
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