Whoa, did you know that there's an STD carriers database? It's sort of like IMBD, but instead of listing actors and directors and whatnot, it lists folks that carry sexually transmitted diseases. It also "outs" folks who have lied about carrying something nasty and then spread it around the scene like puss-filled strawberry sex jam. The point being that non-diseased folk like...well...maybe one or two of you (and none of us) can keep an ongoing list every time you go out clubbing to make sure the drunken fuck you stumble home with isn't a clap carrier.

This is a wonderful public service for anyone who's ever thought about hopping into bed with Naomi Munichiello of Eugene, Oregon (who has herpes) or Earvin Johnson of Los Angeles, (who has HIV). Yes, the site lists Magic Johnson. So we hope you weren't thinking of screwing him.

Proving that the site's functionality is as well thought-out as it's concept, there's no search function. Just a list of carriers. Right now, it's not a problem, given that there are only ten people on the list, but can you imagine if this thing takes off? There you are, enjoying some post-date coffee and getting ready to make your way into the bedroom. You say "hold on one second", and you run to the computer to look up your date's name. Six hours later, you're on page 1577 and you've finally found your date's name, but what's the point? They've already fucked your roommate, stolen your wallet and gone home by now!

The site also has a database of STD-free citizens, which is honestly the part that's got us all worried. See, when you click on "STD Free People", you know what comes up?

Tony Bennett. That's it.

Which means not only that every other person in America is a carrier, but also that Tony Bennett is most likely not gonna want to screw any of us. You know, 'cause we'd all give him chancres and stuff. It also means that Frances Bean Cobain is packing some serious herpes.

Anyway, if you've been suckered into hosting a nasty sex sickness, feel free to go to the site and narc the shit out of them. While you're there, you can also check out the plethora of fetish, dick enlargement and porno links lining the sides of the page.

You know, if you're lonely.

TERA GOES GONZO

NOT THE BRADYS XXX: MARCIA, MARCIA, MARCIA