Let's call this sex toy, Mr. Softee. He is not very fun. I think the name gives it all away. Who wants to play with something soft? Well maybe there are some girls out there who do, but if you're like me and want something hard and powerful to use on your lady parts, I'd like to highly discourage using this toy. On the contrary, the toy does have some slight perks. Mr. Softee is waterproof, always a good thing. Having your options to diddle yourself on dry land or wetland is always more impressive. The battery requirements are two double AA batteries. Not too bad. You can steal these easily enough out of many electronic devices lying around the house. Some toys require those bullshit hard to find batteries that you cannot find anywhere or don't want to bother going out to look for. Who wants to go search for unidentifiable batteries when you really just want to get off! Those seem to be the two things I found that were positive about this toy.

Now the box for this toy tries to sell itself by saying it's a soft satiny toy with a "special" memory chip that allows you to turn off the vibrator and later resume on the same function. Fuck that. I couldn't even figure out how to make that "special" function work. Personally, I can't stand multi-function vibrators. I'm a simple gal, give me three speeds and I'm set. Mr. Softee prides itself on being a 10-function vibrator. Who really needs all that? All you need is power and speed. For having 10 functions, this toy was still not powerful enough for me or fast enough. Actually, I wasn't a fan of any of the functions. I tried to stick with the continuous pulsating function to get off…it took forever. However, I wasn't going to let a toy defeat me. I was determined to make Mr. Softee give me an orgasm, be he did put up a fight. On average it takes me about 3-7 minutes to cum (yes, I time myself). This toy took like 15-20 minutes! I like a nice quickie - this was everything but quick!

The toy has a little tip at the end that sticks out a little, that didn't seem to help the situation at hand either. The length and girth of the toy was acceptable but I barely used it as a dildo so it's hard for me to speak much about that. I used it more as a vibrator than a dildo.

I suppose if you're a sensual and sensitive type and like a slow stimulating vibration to reach your orgasm, this is your kind of toy. Or, if you like soft-hards. Otherwise, don't waste your time or money. If you're like me, wanting it and quick and fast this is a no go. The choice is yours.

10 FUNCTION IMPULSE SOFTEE