We interviewed Ryan Keely a few weeks ago and we've kind of loved her ever since. Something about the way she calls us nerds yet still loves playing Star Wars Monopoly did it for us. When Evolved Novelties hit the market and sent us pre-street samples for review, there were a couple of young ladies we thought could handle it...Ryan was certainly one of them...take it away Ryan...

I like power, I like lots of power. My clit is accustomed to the full frontal assault of the Hitachi magic wand. My first vibrator was my sister's doodle pen and over my career as a porn store clerk, DVD Critic and all girl porn performer I have shoved a lot of shit in my -ahem- shit. I have been searching out and abusing the most powerful tools available to bring myself to neighbor awakening orgasms for a long time. Over the years and dollars spent at sex shops around the world i have learned to ignore fancy packaging and smart marketing when finding a vibrator worthy of my bedside table or carry on luggage. That is, something that can and will give me clit burn given enough time and tentacle porn.

The "Evolved (love is back) Waterproof Fleur-De-Lis Seduction" is precisely the toy I would never pick out on my own. It has a fancy brushed aluminum packaging designed by a lover of tribal tramp stamps and it comes in the 'girl friendly' pink (vomit). It also has some gay ass copy on the back describing a devotion to fashion and femininity (retch). Normally as soon a vibrator starts calling itself 'evolved' you can be certain that it is a very pretty piece of plastic with no power and 12 functions that do little more than tickle.

HOWEVER, I am going to have give up some of my prejudices because this "'Stylish, Sensuous, Seductive" phthalate free (WTF?) made me cum, and then it made me come again. It is surprisingly powerful, limits itself to 3 functions (slow, medium and 'oh, god, right there') and has an excellent shape for those looking for g-spot stimulation. It is slim, quiet with a thick head that feels fantastic on the out stroke. Perfect thickness and taper getting intense internal orgasms (It totally made me squirt). Plus it's 'seamless design' and 'satin smooth coating,' fancy OC inspired packaging and multitude of features make it the type of toy you could purchase with your most prudish of pals or gift to a pre-orgasmic bachlorette. In addition, it's waterproof for those of you who need to surreptitiously jerk off in the shower or bath.

FLEUR-DE-LIS SEDUCTION VIBRATOR