As a child of the ‘80s, it goes without saying that I spent a good amount of time watching cartoons. As a "man" of the aughts, it goes without saying that I still spend a good amount of time watching cartoons. "Now, I’ve never been one of those sick fucks who likes to watch those Japanese tentacle fucking movies. It’s just not BUCKTON’s cup of tea, you get me? What is my cup of tea, however, is fantasizing about fucking the ink out of many a female cartoon character. And what a scrumptious cup of tea it is, my friends. So, without further ado – here are Spock BUCKTON’s Top 5 Cartoons I Want to Fuck.


The great thing about having sex with a skinny, rubbery-limbed lady like Ms. Oyl is you can literally tie her legs and arms around you thus negating any possibility of her claiming date rape. Just make sure you take plenty of pictures to show the judge - "Honest, Judge! Look at the way she's got her legs wrapped around me! What would you do?" … or I guess you could just be nice to her. The bonus about stickin’ it to Olive Oyl is you can greeze her all up with actual olive oil, get real close and whisper in her ear – “I’m pouring you on YOU!” Then just laugh maniacally while you cum inside her.

Wow, I just offended myself!


I’m not trying to be filthy here, but that puss has got to be tight as the rigor mortised fist of Apollo Creed. Sure this representation of Tink isn’t as fucktastic as the Dizneeeee version. But we’re kind of sick of putting up with those douche bags and their "trademarks". Every time we want to use one of their images it's the same damn story - gimme free porn and blow jobs, free porn and blow jobs… all night long. I don't get it... they keep saying that if we blow them then they’ll put is in the next High School Musical as sexy janitors. You just know the little fucks in those movies score the best meth!


Remember this clunky hunk o’ woman from Transformers: The Movie? You fuckin’ better! I mean, look at those gams! They go from here to ya ya! I imaging that fucking Arcee would be like fucking a lubed up toaster. The best thing about banging a Transformer is the possibility of little “Robo-BUCKTONs” running around in the future. Then I might actually get to hang out with Grimlock.


Man, I really wanted to give Cheetara from Thundercats the number one spot. It was a tough choice but tough choices are what being a man is all about. How can you argue with a cat lady who is kinda wearing clothes and kinda not wearing clothes. That kind of non-attire gives me the clear message that this kitten wants to get down and she won’t take no for an answer. Luckily for her, the only time the word “no” enters BUCKTON’s vocabulary is when he utters – “No teeth? Awesome!”


Sure, maybe she’s part bird or maybe she’s just really into Xanadu or some shit. The fact is that BUCKTON really likes to be bossed around every once and awhile and nobody can tell you what’s what like the fuckin’ Sorceress! Plus, she can communicate telepathically which means we can have awesome mind fucks. That’s my kind of bird-woman! PLUS, every time you accidentally knock her up you can just eat the egg containing your unborn freak baby when she's not looking then blame it on Beast Man. It’s a good thing He-Man’s probably gay or else I might have some competition for her sweet feathered zoobs. All, I gotta do now is get Fisto out of the way and she’s all mine! Oh wait, he’s gay too! BONUS!

Time to sound off, people! What cartoons do you wanna fuck?