As a child of the ‘80s, it goes without saying that I spent a good amount of time watching cartoons. As a "man" of the aughts, it goes without saying that I still spend a good amount of time watching cartoons. "Now, I’ve never been one of those sick fucks who likes to watch those Japanese tentacle fucking movies. It’s just not BUCKTON’s cup of tea, you get me? What is my cup of tea, however, is fantasizing about fucking the ink out of many a female cartoon character. And what a scrumptious cup of tea it is, my friends. So, without further ado – here are Spock BUCKTON’s Top 5 Cartoons I Want to Fuck.


The great thing about having sex with a skinny, rubbery-limbed lady like Ms. Oyl is you can literally tie her legs and arms around you thus negating any possibility of her claiming date rape. Just make sure you take plenty of pictures to show the judge - "Honest, Judge! Look at the way she's got her legs wrapped around me! What would you do?" … or I guess you could just be nice to her. The bonus about stickin’ it to Olive Oyl is you can greeze her all up with actual olive oil, get real close and whisper in her ear – “I’m pouring you on YOU!” Then just laugh maniacally while you cum inside her.

Wow, I just offended myself!


I’m not trying to be filthy here, but that puss has got to be tight as the rigor mortised fist of Apollo Creed. Sure this representation of Tink isn’t as fucktastic as the Dizneeeee version. But we’re kind of sick of putting up with those douche bags and their "trademarks". Every time we want to use one of their images it's the same damn story - gimme free porn and blow jobs, free porn and blow jobs… all night long. I don't get it... they keep saying that if we blow them then they’ll put is in the next High School Musical as sexy janitors. You just know the little fucks in those movies score the best meth!


Remember this clunky hunk o’ woman from Transformers: The Movie? You fuckin’ better! I mean, look at those gams! They go from here to ya ya! I imaging that fucking Arcee would be like fucking a lubed up toaster. The best thing about banging a Transformer is the possibility of little “Robo-BUCKTONs” running around in the future. Then I might actually get to hang out with Grimlock.


Man, I really wanted to give Cheetara from Thundercats the number one spot. It was a tough choice but tough choices are what being a man is all about. How can you argue with a cat lady who is kinda wearing clothes and kinda not wearing clothes. That kind of non-attire gives me the clear message that this kitten wants to get down and she won’t take no for an answer. Luckily for her, the only time the word “no” enters BUCKTON’s vocabulary is when he utters – “No teeth? Awesome!”


Sure, maybe she’s part bird or maybe she’s just really into Xanadu or some shit. The fact is that BUCKTON really likes to be bossed around every once and awhile and nobody can tell you what’s what like the fuckin’ Sorceress! Plus, she can communicate telepathically which means we can have awesome mind fucks. That’s my kind of bird-woman! PLUS, every time you accidentally knock her up you can just eat the egg containing your unborn freak baby when she's not looking then blame it on Beast Man. It’s a good thing He-Man’s probably gay or else I might have some competition for her sweet feathered zoobs. All, I gotta do now is get Fisto out of the way and she’s all mine! Oh wait, he’s gay too! BONUS!

Time to sound off, people! What cartoons do you wanna fuck?



How can Jessica Rabbit be topped? You all are crazy not to include her.

Beyotches, any of you who disagree

i mean if you like the whole

i mean if you like the whole fake zoobs totally unattainable body thing....


Man, you just "topped" DAVE MOVES for "MEAT BALL'S number one enemy" status!

Good work, DAVE MOVES!

Nobody here "tops" me except Ms. Astrid

I'm pretty sure we've already been over this.

No Roger!

You all is the one who is crazy! Beyotche to you, Roger! BEYOTCHE TO YOU!

Plus, I already fucked Jessica Rabbit and she sucked dick at fucking.

What about?

Jane & Judy Jetson?
Ariel? Belle?
Wilma? Betty?
Alice in Wonderland?

my vote goes to alice in

my vote goes to alice in wonderland. i'd make her keep her dress on.

as one of those losers who does like anime porn...

i'm not going to get into that category, but here's a list of top 5 cartoons you SHOULD want to fuck
5. Jasmine from Aladdin - yes the movie is what it is but goddamn is she fine
4. Teela - sure she's the chick who turns into your precious sorceress but she's much hotter as a fucking Eternian in that armor, i used to make my Teela action figure fuck my Rambo action figure... that's true.
3. Scarlet- i get that S&M chicks like the baroness and judging by your tattoos I'm not surprised... but Scarlet was definitely the hottest lady on GI Joe. Lady Jane was second and then the Baroness.
2. Penny - if anime porn teaches us anything, it isn't kiddie porn unless it's live action. Go Gadget Go!
1. She Ra - i was fuckin spankin it to She Ra before i even knew what spankin it is.


i'd hit it. gagged and bound. mmmm.

ps brain too


I thought you meant Penny from Pee-Wee's playhouse, which would have been rough.


...really should have been number one. she was one of the first girlcrushes i ever had.

passing out while her prostitute bf is trying to cum!
Kate Hate

Cheetera indeed

I have to go with Kate Hate here. I couldn't stop staring at the tits on that pussy!

Double your pleasure. Double your fun.

Thundercats are COME!

Thundercats are COME!

fuck spock..

i don't think you put any thought into this. you left out some really good ones. olive oyl shouldn't be on list before tank girl. i'm disappointed in you.

Tank Girl is

not even in my Top 100... possibly not even in my Top 500. Suck on that, Bear!

Not in my top billion, but at the top of my bottom 10.

Ice-T as that dog-faced guy was hotter than Tank Girl. But she was great in point break.

but but but...

i am tank girl


You're better

than 100 Tank Girls.

I'm gonna let spock have his sick fantasies...

since he has to recreate all of mine. On video.

Domming with Snark!
Ms. Astrid


MEAT BALL wants to guzz down with Heathcliff's girlfriend:



I'm down.

Domming with Snark!
Ms. Astrid

A) Tank Girl is lesbian B)

A) Tank Girl is lesbian
B) If she's not lesbian, she looks lesbian and she scares me
C) This list was written by a man, not a bisexual chicky

That said...


Written by a man

Who likes to get fucked by bi chicks.

Double your pleasure. Double your fun.

This is actually sick. You

This is actually sick.

You are sick but I love it!

Thanks Jebus,

I think you're kinda sick too but I love it!

I have no idea who that is Ms. Astrid

But how do you leave out:

Ok, fine, then my personal childhood idol...

When I find that yellow jumpsuit...everyone's in trouble.

Domming with Snark!
Ms. Astrid

Close, but the Baroness will always win...

Cobra-la deese nuts...

- Not Fade Away

Jesus, now I'm genuinely excited...look the Baroness wins...

- Not Fade Away


Dear Popporn,

plz buy me a Cobra jumpsuit. I've already got the glasses.

Domming with Snark!
Ms. Astrid

What about...

Dr.Girlfriend from the Venture Brothers? Well, I guess anyone that's fucked me has kind of already fucked her...

Domming with Snark!
Ms. Astrid


Does Sally from A Nightmare Before Christmas count?

And does it matter that I was 20 when the film came out?

And does it matter that she's made of plasticine and is probably actually fuckable in real life?

Such details...

Always matter, dard.

Domming with Snark!
Ms. Astrid

Cartoon definition from

Yes! Sally qualifies!

Main Entry:
animated cartoon

: a motion picture that is made from a series of drawings, computer graphics, or photographs of inanimate objects (as puppets) and that simulates movement by slight progressive changes in each frame

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