First things first - it's really fuckin' hard to fuck Joanna Angel's fake pussy while you're chilling in the room right next to your sick mom's bedroom. I know, I know – hanging around sick people is for losers but you guys should see the fuckin’ pills they're giving her! It’s a 24/7 party to the max!

Anyway, one of the bottles of pills I snuck away from mom made my ween really hard for some reason and I got the sudden urge to ram it into something. Since mom’s not too cool on me hanging with no-toothed methwhores (not offensive.. methwhores really prefer to be called methwhores… just ask one) at the house anymore, I had to find something else to stick it to. Checked the fridge and there was no cantaloupe or raw liver to fuck so it seemed like BUCKTON was shit out of luck.

And that's when I remembered that I totally stole the brand new Joanna Angel Pussy Stroker from the POPPORN offices the other day. I whipped it out of my greazy paper sack, held the box up to my face and let Ms. Angel know the deal.

"Listen up, Joanna. I'm gonna dick you the fuck up!"

I decided to kick things up a notch by popping in a bootleg DVD of Jack the Zipper's fucktacular Blacklight Beauty which features a wonderful scene of Joanna getting nailed on a filthed-up mattress by the one and only Steven St. Croix... who just happens to be dressed like a clown.

Without furthur ado, I slammed some margarine on my wang, waited for the exact moment when St. Croix stuck his stubby schlong into Joanna's ripe... um... tulip (?) and then thrust my thing into her thing. My first thought was - "Wow! There's no fuckin' way Joanna's this tight!" But in this case it was a total bonus. I can bang all the loose methwhores I want but all them have pussahs that are (no offense, ladies) shot to shit. I mean, my ween is nothing to brag about but at least it doesn't have grey spots on it.

So, back to this stroker... I've banged a lot of these things in my life and one of the problems I've always had is the fact that the length is so short that even small dicks like mine poke through the back end with every thrust. See my drawing:

This is not a problem with this hot piece of stroke action! My ween stayed in that pussy no matter how much I forced it. And the tightness? My god, it was like fucking a newborn virgin. In fact, this puss was so fucking good that I'm thinking about giving up real-live beave for good. Who needs all that fuckin' hassle?

The best part about me "kind of fucking" Joanna Angel is that I can brag to all my friends about it without technically lying. Like so:

I think I've lost my train of thought so I'm gonna go score some black market cold medicine.

All you need to know about this toy is... THIS SHIT WILL MAKE DUDE-OOZE COME OUT OF YOUR GOD ROD

JOANNA ANGEL'S TIGHT CYBERSKIN PUSSY STROKER

BLACKLIGHT BEAUTY

FUCK ME IN THE BATHROOM 2