Hey dickholes! We have news from our dipshit buddies at TLA RAW!

Remember a little while back, when we told you about how TLA RAW was having their annual awards, and that you had better get your degenerate asses in gear and start casting votes, or else the truly deserving porn makers of 2012 would go un-celebrated, and all would then be lost? Well, we're hoping you heeded our warnings and voted, because if you didn't you missed you fucking chance! Nice work, Einstein!

Anyway, peep this shit - TLA announced the winners a few days ago, and we're all very proud of them all, especially the oft-mentioned Hangover parody, which took home the "best porn parody" award. Sadly, this cascade of accolades also means that a lot of folks ended up empty handed, which is going to be devastating tho those who worked so hard only to find themselves bereft of recognition. Naturally, this means that the coming weeks should bring lots of porn industry suicides!

For instance:

  • Lily Carter did not win the "female performer" of the year award. Her next move? Most likely SUICIDE!

  • Ramon Nomar did not take home the coveted "hypest dick" award. What does 2013 hold for him? Probably SUICIDE!
  • Maddy O'Reilly, Dani Daniels, Anikka Albrite and Siri all ceded the "best female newcomer" category to Riley Reid and Remy LaCroix, who tied for the win. What are these four up to this year? Well, first probably some sort of orgy movie called William H.'s Award Losers, and after that GROUP SUICIDE!
  • Luka Mangiotta inexplicably lost the "best freakout" award, even after killing people and eating cats! You gotta assume he's gonna commit...well, more homicide, actually. But after that, SUICIDE!

    Yep, it's gonna be a sad season for the porn industry, and we can only hope that the grief will be worked out by the time next year's AVN awards roll around, because we want to be able to party when we go to Vegas. There's no fun to be had when you spend your entire day counseling porn producers through acceptance the grip reaper's inevitable conquests instead of getting ripped on cocaine and blowing each other (which is what usually ends up happening).

    The full list of winners can be viewed over at Go check it out, and then come back here where we may write one or two more articles before we kill ourselves for losing to Xcritic in the "best porn oriented blog" category.

    Fuck off, chubbers!