As the title of this article says, there's a slim possibility that Jenna Jameson's planning a return to porn. Of course, there's been nothing in the news to suggest that she'll be coming back, nor have we heard any industry gossip or anything. So the possibility of Jenna returning is slim. And we mean, like, really, really slim. Slim to the point that we're almost 100% sure that it won't happen. But technically, we're not liars when we say that "maybe" she's returning. But she's probably not. Because, you know, she said she was totes for sure done with porno a while back. And it seemed like she meant it, at least the last time.
But we do know that she beat the fuck out of somebody last weekend!
According to the biased liberal media, the star totally whomped on somebody during one of Jenna's many early birthday parties (the first of which is said to have occurred back on March 23rd). And then the person that she whammed on apparently put her under citizen's arrest until the cops came, which sounds sort of confusing because it sounds like roles were switched during the melee. We don't know exactly what constitutes a "citizen's arrest" - most of our knowledge of everyday crimefighting techniques comes from the groundbreaking 1987 student film, Citizens on Patrol - but it seems unlikely that anyone who had just beaten another person would allow that person to then place them under arrest. Especially without the use of tasers.
You see what I'm saying? If Jenna beat this unnamed person up (it was probably Barack Obama, I assume), how would that person then be able to suddenly get the upper hand and place Jenna under arrest? Was the victim that resilient? Was Jenna's assult that ineffective? What the hell is going on here?
My theory is that there never was any assault. It was a stunt used to generate publicity for Jenna Jameson as...wait for it...she prepares her return to pornography!
You see those wheels spinning, right? Just wait and see. When Elegant Angel's "Superstar September" hullaballoo rolls around, we'll be seeing an all-new, all-Jenna spotlight DVD called "Jenna Jameson: Unretireable" or something like that. . Probably involving a quadruple anal with Mick Blue, Erik Everhard, Ramon Nomar and Jon Jon.