HEY ARE YOU GOING TO AVN? WELL BUSTER, THERE'S A BUNCH OF PARTIES YOU WON'T GET INTO!


At this time of year you'll notice that we spend quite a few posts on this site talking up the AVN Awards. Why just yesterday MEAT BALL mentioned how he'd be attending! We do this not because AVN pays us to do so. No, that would make sense. We also don't do this because we're nominated because even tho we are (and usually be) we've got about as much a chance at winning an AVN award as Mike Quasar. Instead, we promote the show because they offer us the opportunity to shoot rather ridiculous footage on their red carpet (sans appropriate attire) and post it here for your edification.

Filled with more porn stars than should be legal (due to the volume of cooties alone) and more drugs, alcohol poisoning and Kristina Rose bar room brawls than you can imagine, the Adult Entertainment Expo and AVN Awards are a celebration of debauchery, poor business decisions and even poorer social values. And when we say celebration, we mean celebration because girl, there's a shit-ton of parties that happen during the show as well!

Now, let's be clear. These parties aren't much to write home about. Typically filled with battalions of dipshits, they are more exercises in futility than opportunities of meaningful enjoyment. That's because porn is rather popular and while it seems like there are a lot of women in the business of taking off their clothes and fucking on film for money, rarely do more than a handful of them show up at any one of the multiple parties occurring on any given night. If they do, they are often cordoned off from the slathering and salivating minions to enjoy cocktails safely high above the scent of Ax Body Spray.

But, it's how the world rolls so if you're one of those folks that enjoys being in dark places where they play surprisingly bad music at incredibly loud volumes, the drinks taste like water and cost as much as gold and there's never been less of a chance for you to get laid, well then friend, here's what's happening next week:

Wednesday, January 16

@ VINYL
Mini Kiss Performance sponsored by Mr Skin
Time: 10:00pm

@CHATEAU NIGHTCLUB & GARDENS
AEE Kick Off Party sponsored by Wicked Pictures and Adam & Eve Pictures
Time: 11:00pm

Thursday, January 17

@ VINYL
Naughty Show with performance by Zebrahead sponsored by Girlfriend Films
Time: 10:00pm

@VANITY
AEE party sponsored Girls Gone Wild Party
Time: 11:00pm

@TAO
AVN Pre-Awards Party Sponsored by Wicked Pictures
Time: 11:00pm

@SAPPHIRE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB
AEE Party sponsored by Adam&Eve Pictures
11:00pm

Friday, January 18

@ VINYL
Comedian Headliner, Colin Kane
Time: 9:30pm

Performance by Gangbanged
Time: 11:00pm

@BODY ENGLISH
White Party featuring over 300 Adult Stars sponsored by LATATA
11:00pm

@VANITY
AEE Party sponsored by Digital Playground, Twistys, Manwin, Reality Kings, Mofos, & Playboy Plus
Time: 11:00pm

@PURE
AEE Party Sponsored by Vivid TV
Time: 11:00pm

Saturday, January 19

@ VINYL
AVN Awards Pre-Party
Time: 7:00pm
AVN Awards Viewing Party with performance by Hard Copy Rebels
Time: 9:00pm

@VANITY
AVN Awards After Party sponsored by Wicked Pictures
Time: 11:00pm

@SAPPHIRE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB
AVN Awards After Party
Time: 11:00pm

@1OAK
AVN Awards After Party
Time: 11:00pm

We will most likely check out one or two of these events because, unlike most of you, we get on the VIP list. Don't worry, we won't see you there!

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