It's hard to be a real scumbag these days.

With the internet being what it is, scumminess lurks just beyond every click of the mouse giving every casual scum ball scummier credentials than he or she actually deserves. Any dick hole can google "cum-wad jit storm" or "ass-cream milkshake recipes" but it takes a true scumbag to jerk off (to completion) to a woman drinking a blended horse semen and tomato juice smoothie. Ultimately, it's this ease of scum acquisition that breeds a world of scum posers that disgusts us. And if we're disgusted by this lack or true scumminess how do you think people like James Deen or Dirty Harry feel?

Fortunately, every once in a while an opportunity comes along to challenge those people who think they're real dirt bags. An opportunity so scummy that it can only help to prove that being a fucking nasty motherfucker isn't just something you decide to be one day so that you can brag to your friends. No sir, being a real scum-fuck-jit-bag is something you're born with. It's just something you are.

Our friends over at TLARAW are offering just such an opportunity.

This month, anyone who orders the porno Bush League from Red Light District (a hairy beaver flick clearly, you dick!) will be entered to win a special contest. The prize?

If you said, money or a gift certificate for more porn you're no scumbag and frankly, fuck you.

If you said, a pair of used panties, well, you're kind of a dirt bag but still wrong!

However, if you said the shaved pussy clippings from two porn stars hairy bushes in a zip lock bag, well friend? You'd be right and you could rest easy knowing that you're a grade "A" scumbag. You see, scumbags have no issue with having a ziploc bag of pubes in their house. In fact, they want it in their house.

Scumbags would make a fake mustache out of that shaved pussy hair and wear it to a family function asking folks if they thought their upper lip smelled like tuna!

Scumbags would pour some of the pubes into a sleeping friends mouth and wake them by yelling, "Dude, your mouth is full of shaved pussy clippings from jitted up porn star beaves!"

Hell, scumbags would glue the shaved pubes to their hands turn hairy handjob tricks under bridges (hair is a natural dry lubricant), collect the expelled semen into unwashed mayonnaise jars and sell them at a local farmers market as salad dressing to blind senior citizens.

Gross? And you thought you were a scumbag.

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