The world's in a sad state. Debt crises everywhere. War at every turn. Load after load of horrible facial mayhem threatens to glaze our biggest stars. So, I must ask, as a society, as a people...where did we go wrong?

The answer, I'm ashamed to say, is quite obvious. America, and thus Earth as a whole, lost it's way when Pastamania, the semolina-based eatery owned by the one and only Hulk Hogan (and, for better or worse, the only place you could find Hulkaroos), closed it's doors, a mere year after it's grand opening.

Haven't heard of Pastamania, you say? That's rather sad, but understandable. We'd do our best to explain the place, but any words we could muster would merely pale in comparison to those of the Hulkster himself, which you'll find here in embedded and embeddable youtube glory.

Yeah, there are really no words. Just please, write your senators, your community leaders, your professional wrestling head honchos, your president...anyone...just bring back Pastamania.

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MR. NANNY