Before we start, we should put some rumors to rest. Yes, POPPORN is now a gay blog. We haven't published a straight-themed story since last Wednesday, and honestly, I can't say for sure that we ever will again. Dicks going into vaginas has become as commonplace and banal as a Zero Tolerance movie, and that's not a fate we'd wish upon anyone.
Straight porn is over. It's as dead as disco, as dead as print media, as dead as the Obama presidency. It's over, and the future is gay. Deal with it, dicks!
Anyway, inspired by Rocco Reed's recent announcement (see last Friday's story, assholes!), prominent newsman Anderson Cooper has just come out of the closet, ending a long period of speculation, innuendo and assumptions about the man's sexual habits. Feel free to read the story on a more reputable news site, as just about everything that follows will be either guesswork, conjecture, hearsay, heresy or outright lies. Unlike Mister Cooper, we've really got no interest in objectivity, truth, fairness or any of that other crap that makes actual journalism so tedious and grueling.
With that dedication to truth and accuracy in mind, read Anderson's statement, made to POPPORN earlier today:
"When I read on my favorite website, POPPORN.com, that Rocco Reed announced to the world that he's totally 100% gay and always has been, I felt like a weight had been lifted, and that it was time for me to take the next step forward. I've got nothing in the world to hide, and fuck you dicks who say that I do. You bitch-ass suckers can totally go eat a bag of used jimmy hats. A whole bag. And the jimmy hats should have crusted jizz pieces in them, too."
It's entirely possible that he never said any of that. We're not very good at taking notes. But whatever he said probably had something to do with not having anything to hide, right?
While this announcement puts to rest any questions about Mr. Cooper's sexuality, it also finally ends a years-old argument here at POPPORN about whether or not Anderson Cooper is the guy on the cover of this movie. Turns out he's not.
Also, that Batman movie comes out pretty soon. You guys psyched?
Here's Anderson Cooper on that show about the homeless puppets: