It occurred to me that we rarely, if ever, promote Hollywood sponsored porn.

While we always promote and encourage our readers to explore the more explicit, XXX side of sexuality that literally shows dicks goin' in, we almost never encourage you to go out there and spend your hard earned jerk off time on non-explicit, over priced shlock entertainment.

And damnit, that just seems wrong because we don't even like you!

Perhaps you didn't know about a little movie coming out called Spring Breakers, but it certainly seems like the kind of flick that will keep creepy guys entertained for at least a few, multiple minute masturbation sessions. And, if you're that kind of creep, welp, consider this article just for you.

Spring Breakers, which will be released in 2013, stars all of your favorite Disney channel teen stars like Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez (c'mon, you know them, the kinda cute girls you used to masturbate to when they were underage and starring in Wizards of Waverly Place and High School Musical!) and a couple of other random tramps named Ashley Benson and who the hell else knows.

The big pitch of this movie? Well, we're not really sure but we're positive the fact that these young ladies appear in bikinis in this movie will be enough for you! Here's the proof:

The best part of this? Spring Breakers is written by Harmony Korine. At 19, he wrote Kids for Larry Clark and that movie is HELLA awesome if you're into teen sex!

While we're sure you're a little bummed out about this movie because technically, each of the stars is now of-age making their adventures in skimpy bikini's less titillating, we're sure that over-active child porn oriented imagination of yours can do wonders in stirring up Sandusky like impulses in no time!

Plus, there's always this Katherine Heigel photo!

Share

OCTOMOM HOME ALONE

NURSES 2