That James Deen fellow sure is popular these days. He's been featured on serious news programs, he's had his dick molded by top-tier toy manufacturer Doc Johnson, he's guest-hosted a series of videos for the internet's #1 website, he's hobnobbed with major industry players like Brian Bangs and Spock BUCKTON and, perhaps most importantly, he's had sex with lots and lots of women. And lots more in addition to them.
Which is actually what we wanted to talk to you about. Have you had sexual intercourse with James Deen?
If you have had Mr. Deen's ween inside your vagina, mouth or anus, you most certainly have bragging rights that you can use to make thousands (if not millions) of teenage to college age women feel inferior (teenagers love him, according to the media). But, trumping even those bragging rights, you're now worthy to own another trophy as a result of experiencing Mr. Deen's unique brand of love: you may win a t-shirt. Be still my twitching heart.
Yeah, a T-shirt. Not too amazing, I suppose. But it's a very exclusive shirt. And you can only get one by banging James Deen.
Simply visit this LTDEX site and read the instructions, and you'll get yourself a new T-shirt, adorned with the face of Mr. Deen himself. You'll, of course, need to provide proof that you've gotten banged by Mr. Deen. Which might mean that this is just some sneaky attempt to get tons of amateur chicks to send in photos of themselves getting banged. Not that anyone on the internet would ever prey upon the virtue of young ladies like that.
This gives me an idea for a contest. Prove that you know how to grow really good weed and send me a sample and I'll totally think of you while I'm getting super ripped and watching Revenge of the Sith, deal?
Also, this contest is apparently over. James Deen sued these dicks or something. I wrote this when it was still a thing and I can't help it if the fashion industry doesn't have their shit together.
Fuck you, idiots!